


Only You Can Ease My Mind

by martls



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Even Bech Næsheim, Cheating, Evak AU, Fluff, Gay Sex, Heterosexual Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Schizophrenia, Smut, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Suicide Attempt, blowjob, handjob, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-01-06 08:21:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 85,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21223508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martls/pseuds/martls
Summary: People would think that psychiatric hospitals are just cells in which crazy people end up into, all bundled and isolated, but really, it looks more like a retreat house. At least, the one where Isak’s mom is admitted looks like it. Although she’s been admitted a few weeks ago and is being treated, she still has moments where she slips and says things that makes no sense. After one of her crisis, Isak leaves the room a little bit unsettled, almost in panic. As he walks outside of the building, he sits in the steps so he can relax and regain his senses before going to the nearest tram stop. It’s after the tears had slipped from his eyes and a strangled noise escaped his mouth that a voice comes from behind him.“Is everything OK?”***Or the alternate universe where Isak meets Even at the psychiatric hospital his mom was admitted.Updates: every day during November, because this is gonna be my NaNoWriMo project this year.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> This idea came to my mind while eating lunch yesterday, and I really hope it hasn't been done already.  
(I mean, there are so many stories, it's hard to keep up with all of them!) 
> 
> I'm not particularly familiar with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but I've made some research and I'll try my best to depict them as accurate as possible.
> 
> The title is from 'Ease My Mind' by Ben Platt.  
All characters belong to Julie Andem (creator of SKAM). 
> 
> Hope you'll like it!

People would think that psychiatric hospitals are just like prison cells in which crazy people end up into, all bundled and isolated, but really, it looks more like a retreat house. At least, the one where Isak’s mom is admitted looks like it. It’s a big building, just a little bit out of the city but still near enough so there are tramways and buses. Sure, the main entrance and some other doors are locked and supervised, but overall, it seems like a decent place. It’s nothing like the asylums that Isak has seen on TV or in movies. Each patient has its own room, but there are also common rooms where they can play board games, meet visitors, and there’s even a television –which is supervised by one of the employees to make sure there isn’t anything triggering for any patient. The kitchen isn’t available, but there’s a dining room if people want to share a meal. Isak’s mom’s room is pretty empty though. Except for a bed, a bedside table, a small desk and a dresser, there aren’t much more to talk about. The walls are all white, the bedding too. The place almost feels serene, except for the occasional screams for more deranged patients.

Although she’s been admitted two weeks ago and is being treated, she still has moments where she slips and says things that makes no sense. When Isak finally mustered courage to visit her, it didn’t end well. She was so lost in her mind that she didn’t recognized him. She had a crisis and tried to kick him out of the room, yelling at him and the staff. Isak left the room a little bit unsettled, almost in panic. It wasn’t the first time he’s seen her like that, but he thought that, maybe, she would be better. That maybe this place would’ve fix her by now. He didn’t know what he was thinking, to come visit so soon. As he walks outside of the building, he sits in the steps so he can relax and regain his senses before going to the nearest tram stop. It’s after the tears had slipped from his eyes and a strangled noise escaped his mouth that a voice comes from behind him.

“Is everything OK?”

Isak’s head snaps up in the direction of the voice and his eyes land on a boy around his age, maybe a little bit older. The boy is tall, taller than him, and his blonde hair are pushed up on his head in a quiff that seems to defy gravity. He’s leaning against the brick wall, his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans jacket. Isak wonders why the guy is wearing a jeans jacket in early August, but doesn't think about it too long. His hands quickly rush to his face, wiping his tears off. He stands up and turn around to face him. 

“O-oh, yeah. Sorry. I didn’t know someone was there.” Isak stutters.

“It’s ok.” The guy says, smiling reassuringly. He looks him over, analyzing him before adding, “Is it your first time here?”

“Uh... yeah.” Isak looks down at his feet in embarrassment. “My mamma was admitted a few weeks ago. Doctors say she has schizophrenia. I never got the courage to come before, and I don’t know if it was a good idea really. She couldn’t recognize me and screamed at the staff.”

Isak doesn’t know why he’s embarrassed, or why he’s confessing to a total stranger. He just suddenly feels like it. Maybe it’s because the guy standing in front of him is breathtakingly beautiful, and it kind of intimidates him, or because he radiates a strangely reassuring, good vibe. Or maybe it’s because his mind is tired, and he can’t control anymore his thoughts. What just happened in there was a lot to handle, and maybe he felt like he needed to lift that off his chest. Isak isn’t really sure. When he looks back up, though, the guy doesn’t look like he’s judging or pitying him. He just looks at him understandingly with a soft smile.

“Don’t’ worry, I’m sure she’ll come to her senses soon. It’s not always as bad as it seems.”

Isak doesn’t answer, just nods silently and tries to calm his breathing, unsure of what he meant by that. Is this guy a regular? An employee, a visitor or a patient? Nothing about his appearance lets Isak know in what category he’s in. 

“I’m Even, by the way.” The guy says, stepping forward and holding out his hand.

“Isak.” He shakes his hand.

Even’s hand is warm, his gaze comforting and soothing. Even probably has the bluest eyes Isak has ever seen. He feels like he could drown in those eyes easily, if he let himself take the leap. After the emotional rollercoaster he just experienced with his mom, Isak finds himself somewhat calmer than he thought possible, thanks to Even’s reassuring smile. It’s not until someone opens the door and calls out Even’s name that Isak realizes he was still holding his hand (and his gaze).

“Even, your time is up. Come back inside, will ya?” A nurse says.

“Yeah, ‘m coming.” Even replies without looking away.

The nurse sighs and goes back inside after glancing carefully at both of them, making sure Even will follow her instructions with a pointed look. When the door closes, Even breaks the contact and looks intensely at Isak, making him blush a little.

“Will I see you again?” Even asks, a hint of hope in his eyes.

“Uh… I… I’m not-” Isak trails off. He clears his throat. “I don’t know when I’ll come back.”

Even simply nods in understanding. He smiles once more at Isak and turns around to get back inside, but before he opens the door, he turns his head in Isak’s direction.

“It was nice meeting you, Isak. I hope to see you around sometime.”

Even winks at him, opens the door, and disappears inside, leaving a confused Isak on the stairs. It takes him a minute before he remembers he has a tram to catch. When he looks down at his phone to check the time, Isak notices he received a text message from his best friend.

**From Jonas : ** ** _Hey bro, I hope today went well. Call me if you need to talk. I just ordered pizza, we could play FIFA and drink beer!_ **

Isak smiles to himself, happy to have Jonas in his life. They've known each other since kindergarten, and Jonas always had his back, even when things went to shit between him and Eva because of Isak. He got a little mad at first, but it didn't last long. Jonas was the only one to know what Isak was going through, to know about his family. And it was as if he could read Isak’s mind, knowing when things got too much to handle by himself, because he always texted Isak in moments like this. 

Isak types a quick reply, saying he’ll be there in twenty minutes. He then walks toward the sidewalk, and down the road to the nearest tram station. What he doesn’t notice is a pair of blue eyes following him, hidden behind yellow curtains. 

* * * 

When the door opens, Isak is greeted by a bear hug from Jonas. They're not usually the type of friends that hugs each other, but sometimes, Jonas seems to know when Isak might need it the most. They sit on Jonas' bedroom floor, the pizza box between them, and beers in hands. Jonas turns on the PlayStation and put the game in the console. While they wait for the game to load, Isak tells him about his mom, about her crisis when she couldn't recognize her own son. He complains about it long enough for the beer to turn the ambiant temperature without touching it. Jonas listens with compassion and nods in encouragement when Isak is at loss for words. Isak tells him everything, except for the part where he met Even. He's still not sure about how he feels about this encounter. When the conversation seems to come to an end, and now that Jonas is beating Isak at the game, Jonas change the subject. 

"There's a party tomorrow. We could go and change your mind, if you want. I know a guy who sells really good weed." 

"Who's gonna be there?" Isak asks, pressings the buttons to put the ball in the net. 

"A lot of people, apparently. Third years, second years. Pretty much all of the school." Jonas replies, intercepting the ball. 

"Magnus and Mahdi too?" Isak asks after groaning at Jonas. 

"Of course." Jonas says, scoring a goal in Isak's net. 

Isak screams in defeat, throw his controller on his laps, and picks up a slice of pizza. He chews on it, thinking about the party. On one hand, he's kind of sick of these high school parties where all his friends think about is to hook up with girls. For some weird reason, Isak always was the more popular among his friends, and managed to kiss more girls than he can count on his fingers.

On the other hand, though, he really needs to change his mind and relax before school begins in a month. Plus, Jonas just said he'd have good weed. Isak can't say no to that. 

"OK. I'll come." He finally says. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak goes to the party, meets Emma, then goes back to the hospital the next day.

When Isak enters the house where the party is being held, the living room is already packed with so many people that Isak can’t even recognizes a single person. Although this is a party organized by a Nissen’s student, he’s pretty sure there are people from Bakka too. Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi are on his heels, pushing in his back for him to move. He thinks he saw a glimpse of Eva, and even though her and Jonas aren’t together anymore, they’re still in good terms, so he walks over there, hoping it was her. Eva and her friends are in the kitchen when the boys join them. Chris and Vilde are in an animated discussion about boys, and Eva listens to them with so much interest her eyes almost bulge out of their socket. She laughs soundly when Vilde tells her how the boy she just made out with started to lick her face like a dog.

“Hey girls.” Isak says, glancing a funny look at Vilde.

“Isak, hi!” Eva throws herself at him in an attempt to hug him, and Isak can guess she already had too much to drink. She then notices Isak’s friends. “Jonas!” She screams and hugs the boys next.

The other girls and the guys mix themselves, greeting each other the best they could in the small space. The boys grab a beer off the countertop where there are at least ten packs of beer. Isak chats a little with Sana, his biology partner, while Jonas, Eva and Magnus seems pretty invested in Vilde’s story. Chris and Noora talk between them, giggling from time to time.

“Are you ready for the new school year to begin?” Sana asks him.

“Ugh, not really.” Isak rolls his eyes, letting a heavy sigh escape his mouth. “But I’m ready to kick your ass in bio this year.” He grins.

“I highly doubt that.” She responds with a small grin of her own. “One of my brother’s friends started working in a drugstore and fed me up with all kinds of information. He even said I could apply for an internship there when I’ll be in college.” She adds, sending him a look as if she wasn’t all that excited about this perspective.

Isak groans, telling her how lucky she is. He still isn’t sure exactly in what he wants to major in in university, or even in which university he wants to apply, but he’s very tempted by the Biophysics Program. Isak would never have guessed that, but he’s pretty close with Sana with all of their bickering and study sessions. He’s about to tell her how he can’t wait to see what subjects they’ll learn this year when Mahdi puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey man, we’re going to the bathroom to smoke. Wanna come?” He asks, waving his brows and showing him a handmade bong.

“Sure.” Isak grins, then looks at Sana. “See you in class!”

Isak follows the boys in the corridor, then up the stairs where Magnus found an empty bathroom. They close the door behind them, then all sits in the bathtub in a silent, common accord. Mahdi puts water in the water-bottle-now-bong, puts the weed in the small section, then lights it up. They’ve been there for a good twenty minutes, sharing the weed and talking about Magnus’ desperate need to hook up, when two girls enter the room. The boys shut up immediately, looking up at the two strangers. Isak doesn’t recognize any of them, but he’s pretty sure they’re younger than him and his friends. There’s this frantic look on the girls’ face.

“Oh. Hey.” The blonde says.

The boys reply, a grin on their face, and Isak is just unimpressed. He couldn’t really care less about girls in that moment. He’s already high and wanted to know the rest of Jonas’ story before the girls intruded their space. The girl’s friend, a brunette with short hair who looks just like a young Nathalie Portman, just waves and starts ruffling through the drawers, seemingly looking for something.

“This party is depressing, I need to find something strong.” She says to her friend.

“Yeah, totally.” The blonde replies with a nod. “Check this drawer out.” She points a lower drawer to her friend.

Isak looks back at Jonas, wondering if he’ll continue his story. Jonas and Magnus wiggle their brows at Isak, then Jonas nods his head to the brunette. Isak looks at the brunette girl again, not really sure what Magnus is on, but as he sees her frowning at the pills packet in her hands, he clears his throat to get her attention.

“Can I help you?” He asks when she looks at him.

“Yeah, I want something to get high on. Do you know if these work?” She asks, handing him the packet.

“Let me see.” Isak gets up and take a step closer to the girl, taking the pills in his hands. He looks at the label, then gives it back to her after a second, “Zytrec? That’s allergy pills. They’ll make you tired.”

He turns around, ready to sink back into the bathtub, but the boys stare at him with stupid grins and nod to the girl. He knows his friends wants him to make a move on the girl, so he rolls his eyes in annoyance, but turns again with a smile on his face.

“I may have something for you, though.” He says, lifting one of his brows.

“You do?” She asks, a glint of hope in her eyes.

Isak fishes his hand in his jeans pocket, where a pills tablet lies there. Without revealing which kind of pills they are, he pops one out of the tablet and put it on his tongue. He stares at the girl daringly, waiting for her to decide if the risk is worth it. After exchanging a look with her friend, the brunette puts her hands on each side of Isak’s neck and locks her lips with his, mixing their tongue to steal the pill from him. Isak and the girl—who Isak still doesn’t know her name—start making out, ignoring Isak’s friends’ whistles and the blonde girl’s annoyed huff. Isak can hear the boys standing up and exiting the room.

“I’ll be in the living room, Emma.” The blonde says after a beat.

The brunette—Emma, just hums against Isak’s mouth, deepening the kiss when the door closes behind them. She grabs Isak’s shirt and pulls him closer to her, pressing their chests together. Isak tilts his head, as the girl trails kisses along his jaw, his neck, and gets down on her knees in front of him. She looks up at him, a grin tugging at the corner of her lips, and with a nod from Isak, she attacks his belt buckle. As Emma frees his growing boner, Isak rolls his head back and lets an appreciative sigh out. It’s been a while since he hasn’t had any sex, and while it wasn’t exactly his intention when he came to the party tonight, how could he turn down the opportunity when a cute girl kneels before him? Isak is a little bit too drunk and too high to take any initiative, so he lets the girl do all the job.

***

The next day, Isak wakes up to a voice message from his dad, asking him to visit her mom with him. Isak can still feel his head throbbing, but he doesn’t really have a choice, because he knows his dad will only get more persistent if he declines. So he gets up, put on last night’s pair of jeans and a clean shirt, and grab his phone and his keys off the bedside table. He downs a glass of water and some pills for his headache before he heads out of his apartment. As soon as he steps outside, he wishes he would’ve grabbed his sunglasses, but he’s already late, according to his dad’s incoming message text, so he just runs to the nearest tram stop.

When he reaches the hospital, his dad is waiting for him outside, looking at his watch multiple times between the moment Isak gets out of the tram and when he finally reaches him.

“Took you long enough.” His dad says impatiently.

“Sorry, I had to take the tram.” Isak shrugs.

His dad hums and then walks up the stairs to the main entrance. Isak follows, already bored. Also, he’s kind of stressed to see in what state her mom is going to be in, today. Hopefully, she won’t scream at her again. When they register in in the lobby, they take the staircase to Isak’s mother’s room. His dad knocks on the already open door to let her know they’re here. She looks up from her book—probably the bible—and smiles warily at them. Isak gulps.

“Terje.” She greets him.

“Hi Marianne.” Isak’s dad replies, stepping towards the bed.

Isak stands in the doorway, unsure. The tension between them is so dense, he could almost cut it with a knife. Without acknowledging his presence, they both start to small talk. Isak doesn’t listen, his mind elsewhere. He suddenly remembers yesterday’s meeting with Even. He wonders if the boy is still around. When he picks up on his parents’ tone, he knows he better get out of there. He knows his dad won’t make up a scene in here, but he’s pretty sure this isn’t going to be a good moment anyway, so he goes back to the main floor, where the living room is. To his delight, the room is almost empty, except for two men playing chess in one corner of the room. Isak walks to the couch and slumps lazily on it, letting a sigh out. He closes his eyes and just wish his brain would stop hammering in his head, but then the couch dip beneath the arrival of a new body’s weight.

“Halla!” A deep, familiar voice says.

“Halla.” Isak slits an eye open, looking at Even’s bright smile. Isak can’t reciprocate Even’s energy, but he smiles nonetheless.

“You look like shit.” Even states.

Isak huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, I had a party last night.” He explains.

“Oh, well at least it’s not your mom screaming at you this time.” Even attempts at joking, but it falls flat as soon as the words escape his mouth. “Shit, sorry. That’s not what I meant.” He apologizes.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” Isak shrugs. “She’s upstairs, probably screaming at my dad instead.”

“Your dad is here too?”

“He wanted to visit her and kind of forced me to come along.”

Even hums in response, nodding his head understanding. There’s a moment of awkward silence between them, before Isak finally asks Even what’s been on his mind since they met.

“Why are you even here? Do you work here?”

“Uh, no.” Even laughs lightly, ducking his head down. “I’m a patient, actually.”

Isak snaps his head to him, giving him his full attention despite his head torturing him from the sudden move. A small “uh?” escapes his mouth, because really, Even looks nothing like a mentally ill person. Even looks perfectly normal.

“I’m bipolar.” Even says simply.

“I had a bad episode a few weeks ago, and was hospitalized since then.”

Isak stays silent for a few seconds, before admitting, “I’m not exactly sure what being bipolar means, but one of my friends’ mother is bipolar too.”

“To put it simply, I’m having different mood states that can change drastically. Sometimes I’m overstimulated, overexcited, and feel like I could do or be anything. These phases are called mania. Then comes the depression afterwards.”

“Oh.” Isak says, loss at words.

He thinks of his mom, wondering if Even’s crises look like hers. He can’t imagine Even being all up in his head, doing crazy things, or being depressed. Even’s smile is so bright, it almost blinds him more than the sun outside.

“But I’m doing very good now! I hope they’ll release me soon.” Even adds, beaming at him. “I can’t wait to be in my own bed, and to eat pizza.”

“I just had pizza after I left here the other day.” Isak replies, without thinking.

“You’re kidding.” Even’s voice goes even deeper, if that’s any possible. “Are you kidding me?”

Isak shakes his head. The pain-staged groan Even makes tears a smile out of Isak. He patted Even’s shoulder in apology. They exchange a look before bursting in laughter. At that moment, Isak’s phone chimes in with a new message. Isak pulls his phone out of his pocket and unlock it.

_From Emma: hey handsome ;) thx for last night. C u soon? xx _

Even’s laugh drops instantly next to him. Isak can’t be sure, but he’s pretty sure Even saw the message, and he doesn’t really know what to make of his reaction. It’s not even like they’re friends, or anything. He glances at Even, but Even pointedly looks around the room.

“I, uh- I should go.” Even clears his throat, gets up, and leaves the room as quickly as he crashed down on the couch next to Isak.

Isak is a little dumbfounded, torn between wanting to go after Even, or hide his face in a cushion. He sighs, picks up his phone from where it sat on his thigh, then types in a response.

_To Emma: sure :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Please leave a comment to let me know what you're thinking of the story so far, if you liked it. <3 
> 
> See you tomorrow for another update!
> 
> xx


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Emma are now dating. One month later, on the first day of school, Isak sees Even across the schoolyard. He learns Even transferred school from Bakka. At the end of the day, he introduces him to his friends.

Isak and his friends never saw this coming, but one month after his encounter with Emma at the party, he and Emma are officially dating. And in the previous month, Isak only returned to see his mom once. Really, it’s not his fault if he’s been pretty busy. Between house parties with his friends, and hooking up with Emma, there were so little time left for him to visit Marianne at the hospital. The last time he went there, he didn’t see Even, and he’s not sure why, but he left the place with a sort of deception. Also, the fact that his sleeping schedule is all fucked up because of his insomnia doesn’t help. If he’s not at Emma’s, fucking her until her body can’t take it anymore, he’s been restless at home, staring at the ceiling until daylight. Isak can’t really say he’s in love with Emma. Sure, sex is good and she’s pretty cute. She seems to want Isak’s dick every occasion they have, and it’s not like Isak could—or want—to complain. But he just wishes he could feel something_, anything_. It’s not that Isak is a romantic person, but sometimes he feels like something is wrong with him. There’s no butterflies in Isak’s stomach whenever they meet up, and the brown of her eyes don’t make him weak in the knees. He feels like his body responding to Emma’s is more of a hormonal reaction than a real desire.

The night before the first day of school, Emma had texted him to let him know she wanted to meet up with him in the schoolyard before they went to class. She wanted to make out with him in the middle of the schoolyard, to make an impression. She wanted to let everyone know they were dating, and everything. As if the millions selfies she posted on her Instagram weren’t enough of an announcement. He just rolled his eyes and sent a thumbs up, so she would shut up.

So on the first day of school, Isak is waiting for Emma to show up. He’s on his phone, scrolling through old memes, when Vilde approaches him.

“Hi, Isak!” The blonde girl squeaks.

“Oh, Vilde. Hi.” Isak looks up from his phone.

Vilde and Isak never were close friends, so he was a little bit suspicious as to why she came to him. He doesn’t even have the time to open up his mouth again before she jumps right into the conversation.

“So I was planning on organizing a new group for the revue. Probably the kosegruppa. I wondered if you and your friends want to come join us?”

“Uh, I don’t know…” He frowns. “What’s that?”

“Kosegruppa? It’s gonna be the best group ever! We’re gonna have meetings, we’ll cook for each other, and do love exercises! We’re gonna have so much fun!” She smiles proudly, as if she just cured cancer. “So, are you in?”

“Are you in what?” Emma asks, joining Isak’s side to kiss him right on the mouth.

It’s not that Vilde’s conversation is important to him, but he feels a little embarrassed by Emma’s sudden public demonstration of affection. The girl doesn’t really seem to care, though, because she turns to Emma with a skeptical glance that only lasts a second before she remembers she has to speak.

“Kosegruppa! It’s a revue group I’m organizing this year. We’re gonna cook food, and do love exercises.” Vilde says again. “You can join the group too!”

“Really? That sounds so cool!” Emma replies, smiling at her.

“Cool! I’ll text you Isak for the details!” Vilde says, leaving them.

Isak huffs, not sure what just happened. He didn’t plan on going to that stupid meeting, but now that Emma just said Vilde she wanted to be part of the group, he was pretty sure she’ll drag him there. Isak took advantage of Emma hugging him to roll his eyes, silently cursing himself for whatever situation he just got himself into. Emma takes Isak’s hand, leading them toward the very middle of the schoolyard, and stands straight in front of him, eyes expectant. Isak tries to put a convincing smile on his face before leaning in and kissing her, but midway between their mouths, Isak notices a tall, blonde dude walking in his peripheral vision. He’s pretty sure it’s Even, but before he has the time to analyze it, Emma meets him halfway there, locking their lips together and pushing her tongue in his mouth. Isak really tries his best to ignore the thumping in his chest, and tries to concentrate on Emma’s lips, but he’s suddenly so self-conscious about the way Emma clings to his body. He’s not even sure if he’s breathing, or responding to the kiss, when she finally pulls out. She looks up at him and frowns.

“Everything OK?”

“Uh? Yeah, sorry. I-I wasn’t ready.”

“It’s fine.” She sighs. “Maybe it was stupid to expect you to understand the whole kissing-in-the-schoolyard-thing.”

Isak doesn’t reply. He just draws his lips in a fine line. He’s about to say something else when his eyes lock on Even. And, holy fuck, Even is here. He’s really here. What is he doing here?

“Isak!” Even greets him, patting his shoulder like an old friend.

Isak’s mind is racing wild. Emma’s body is still pressed against his, and Even is just beaming at him. The last time he saw him, he’s pretty sure the guy just avoided him, and now he’s _beaming _at him? Emma shifts her position, giving Even a look. Even doesn’t seem to mind. He just waits for Isak to reply.

“Uh. Hi.” Isak finally says after clearing his throat.

“Hi, I’m Emma. Isak’s girlfriend.” Emma says in an annoying tone Isak isn’t sure if it’s in his head or if Emma is jealous?

“Even.” The blonde boy responds.

“How do you know each other?” Emma asks. “I haven’t seen you in any parties where Isak and I went to this summer.”

Isak instantly freezes at that. He hasn’t mentioned Even or even his mother being in a hospital to anyone except for Jonas. The last thing Isak wants is to Emma, or anyone, to find out his mom is mentally ill. Isak is pretty sure he’s looking at Even like a deer in the headlights, because then Even just shrugs like it’s no big deal.

“Isak and I were neighbors when we were kids.” Even lies so easily. “I’ve been traveling all summer, and I came back home last week.”

“Oh.” Emma says weakly, realizing she was being a little bit over-judging him.

The bell rings, announcing the start of classes. The crowd of student bodies around them start to shuffle and walk towards the doors in a chaotic hurry. Even smiles once again at Isak before leaving.

“See ya.” He quirks his brows up.

Isak just nods, not trusting his voice right now. Did Even just lie so easily like that to save him? He’s not sure what to make of it, until Emma tugs on his arm.

“I better go. I have to go to the B building.” She announces.

“OK.” Isak leans in and kisses her quickly before heading himself toward the nearest entrance. He doesn’t turn around when he hears her shout goodbye. He certainly doesn’t reply when she adds “I love you!”. He just walks faster, if that’s any possible, and heads to his first class.

***

The first day passes by really quick, and before he knows it, school is already over. Isak is at his locker, putting his English book in, when a deep voice comes into his ears. He turns around and sees Even.

“Halla.”

“Hi.” He says, his breath caught in his throat.

Isak hasn’t seen Even during the day since this morning. He almost forgot about him during lunch, when Jonas and Mahdi were talking about the next party, and Magnus about how Vilde looked fine today. They all teased him for that, but he just shrugged it away, and they all kept talking about pretty much anything. Up until now, Isak hasn’t met Even in the hallways or in any classes, so he supposes he’s in the year above him.

“What are you doing here?” He finally asks.

“I’m looking at you trying to fit too many books in your small locker?” Even jokes.

“No.” Isak frowns. “I mean, at Nissen. I thought you were going to Bakka.”

Even looks around them, then shrugs before leaning on the locker next to Isak’s.

“I transferred from Bakka.” He admits. “There was too much drama with my old friends, and my last episode was pretty bad, so I needed a new start.”

Isak shuts his locker close and looks at Even. He’s still not sure where they stand, or why Even is so open with him. Like, why the hell is he telling him every details about his personal life? Isak only met him three times, and he already knows Even is bipolar, that he likes pizza, and that he’s transferred school because there was too much drama. In what world a normal teenage guy would confide all these things to a complete stranger?

“I’m sorry.” Even says, his tone a tiny bit flatter than it was. “I didn’t mean to freak you out this morning. Or, like, in general.”

“Uh?” Isak frowns. Because, apparently, his brain is too dumb to say anything more intelligible.

“Look. It’s fine if you don’t want to be friends with me. I’d understand.” Even shrugs again. “I just thought that, maybe, we had a special bond, since we met at… you know.”

The sudden mood swing in Even’s mood is what rolls Isak’s brain into action. He quickly says no, that it’s fine. He just didn’t know if they were friends or what. Even seems to light up at that, and Isak can’t help but smile in return. They chat a few more minutes, before Isak’s phone vibrates in his pocket. When he looks at the screen, he glances a shy look at Even.

“I could introduce you to my friends, if you want.” Isak suggests, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. “They’re waiting for me outside, we’re supposed to go grab a kebab. You could join us, I’m pretty sure they won’t mind.”

“Yeah?” Even asks, hopeful.

Isak nods. Even’s smile grows, turning his eyes into two slits. Isak and Even walk down the hallway to the main entrance, exiting the building in the heat of late August. Magnus, Jonas and Mahdi are sitting on a bench, sharing a joint, when Isak and Even join them. Isak greets them, steals the roll from Magnus’ hands, and inhales. They all look at Even first, then at Isak, expectantly. Isak introduces him to his friends.

“Guys, this is Even. Even, this is Magnus, Jonas and Mahdi.” He says, pointing at each of them.

Isak thinks it might be a lot of new names, but then again, his friends all are so different in looks that it’s probably easier to differentiate them. Magnus has light blonde hair, his face is marked by acne, and he looks and acts like a puppy. Jonas has dark, curly hair, and a set of impressive eyebrows. Mahdi has dark skin and often wears a snapback.

The boys all greet Even with smiles, even though they’re a little bit confused as to who the fuck is Even, and why is Isak bringing him along. Isak tries to come up with an excuse, but Even beats him to it again, saying he bumped into him in the hallways, making him drop his books on the floor, and that he wanted to apologize by buying him food. Isak is a little bit scared of Even’s ability to come up with weird, believable scenarios, but smiles anyway, as if it was true. The boy squad seem to believe him anyway, because they get up, pick up their bags, and make their way downtown to the kebab place. Jonas and Mahdi lead the way, Magnus tries to befriend Even, and Isak follows the boys, a few steps behind. Isak didn’t doubt a single second that the boys wouldn’t like Even, but the speed at which Even merged so easily into his group of friends is impressive and makes Isak warm inside. He loves his friends with all his heart, and the way they accepted Even as if he always belonged there only makes him smiles in fondness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little bit shorter than yesterday's chapter, but I hope you liked it anyway! 
> 
> Please let me know if you think the story is too fast, or if the pace is alright? There are 30 chapters planned, so the rest of the story (probably) won't be as fast as the first chapters. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and don't forget to leave kudos and comments! 
> 
> xx


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma drags him to the first Kosegruppa meeting, but he runs away before the love exercise begins. He meets Even in a café, and Even helps him understand/accept his mother's illness.

On the Friday night of the first week of the school year, Isak certainly didn’t planned to be trapped in one of the school’s locals for the first kosegruppa meeting. Vilde has sent him a message text with all of the important information, as promised, and Emma has insisted they go. He didn’t plan on going at first, but Emma promised him a blowjob if he went with her, and well, Emma’s blowjobs are quite enjoyable enough. Plus, Eva and Sana would be there too, so it’s not as if he would be there all alone. He tried to ask his friends to come along, so at least he wouldn’t be the only guy, but they all laughed in his face and ditched him. He even asked Even, but Even already had plans, otherwise he would’ve come. Isak enters the room with Emma by his side, and they are immediately welcomed by Eva, Sana and Vilde. Vilde’s voice is high and excited, and Emma seems to radiate from the attention too. They start chatting about how the meeting will roll, and what are the plans for future meetings. Isak zones out of it, looking around him at the room. It’s not very well-lit, and the shape of the room reminds him of a theatre room, with seats on different levels and a scene in front of it. He’s well drawn in his reverie when Emma tugs on his arm.

“Baby, let’s go sit over there.” She says, walking in that direction without waiting for him to answer.

Isak just shrugs and follows, not really bothered to care. When he sits, he notices that Sana is staring at him with a small frown on her face. Of course, she already knows he and Emma are dating, it’s been a month, after all. But it seems like she’s scrutinizing him, as if she knows something doesn’t feel right. Or maybe it’s just Isak’s mind playing him tricks. When there is no other student coming in the room, Vilde decides it’s time to begin. She introduces herself, Eva, and Sana, and starts on the subject already. She explains what is the kosegruppa’s purpose and why it’s going to be the best revue group the school has. Isak remembers how Vilde always was the girl who needed to be the center of attention, last year when she became friends with Eva. She’s loud, obnoxious, and always has a thousand projects to become the most popular girl in school—which totally fails, but Isak doesn’t mention it. So it’s no surprise, really, that this year she already attacked the first week with a group meeting and mentions a party coming up next week so every members of the group can bond and learn more about each other. Kosegruppa, after all, is a group for chilling, and relaxing, to learn to care about each other. In Vilde’s mind, it means they are all going to have incredible parties, and that everyone is going to cook pastries and goodies for one another. Isak rolls his eyes at the idea—he’s a terrible cook, so his attention is already lost. When Vilde asks everyone to stand up for a love exercise, Isak gets up faster than necessary and turns to Emma.

“I have to go to the bathroom, I’ll be back.”

“Now? But we’re about to start the love exercise.” She asks, deception in her voice. 

Isak excuses himself, walks down the stairs of the amphitheater, and gets out sheepishly. He then wanders in the hallways, not really in a hurry. He decides to go to the toilet, even though he didn’t really need to, and sits down on the bowl, fishes out his phone from his pocket and starts to play a game. When his bum starts to hurt from the lack of comfort, he gets out and just leaves the school altogether. He sends a text message to his friends, asking them where they are, but none of them replies. He then texts Even, even though he knows he had plans, and asks if he wants to hang out.

_From Even: I suppose the meeting isn’t going well? _

_To Even: I just bailed. boring af._

_From Even: I have dinner with my parents, but I can leave._

_To Even: Yeah? _

_From Even: Sure. Let’s meet at Kaffebrenneriet in 20 minutes. :)_

Isak isn’t conscious of the smile on his face, but as he puts his phone back in his pocket, he catches his reflection on the window of the shop he stopped in front of. He ignores the feeling in his guts and he practically runs towards the small café, impatient to be with Even.

***

Isak gets there before Even does, so he orders a coffee for himself—he doesn’t know what Even’s preferences in drinks are—and sits at the bar facing the window so he can see Even arriving. He puts his phone out to check the time, only to find a series of messages from Emma asking where the fuck is he, and telling him to suck himself off. He’s about to reply with some poor excuse, but he gets startled by Even knocking on the window, a big, goofy smile on his face. Isak turns off his phone quickly without replying and watches Even walk to the door and gets inside, coming up to Isak’s side of the table.

“Halla!”

“Hi.” Isak smiles up to him. “I didn’t know what you wanted to drink, so…” Isak gestures to his mug, still fuming, between his hands.

“It’s fine. I’ll go get my order, and I’ll be back in a minute.” Even says.

As he walks away, Isak notices Even still wears a long sleeves short, even though the weather is still hot for the late August. He doesn’t question Even about it. Maybe Even is just sensitive to the cold more than normal people. Isak watches Even talking to the barista, and the way the girl flushes, Isak knows she’s probably flattered by Even’s bright eyes and gorgeous smile. And it’s not even as if Isak could see Even’s face, because he only can see the back of his head, but he just _knows _that’s how Even is. Charming, warm, and all smiley faces. When Even turns around with a chamomile tea in hands, Isak quickly turns around, pretending he wasn’t staring at Even the whole time. Isak takes a sip of his drink, but it’s still too hot and burns his tongue in the process, just as Even drops into the seat next to his.

“So.” Even starts with a knowing smile. “Kosegruppa?”

“Ugh.” Isak scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Fuck off. I’m never going there ever again. It was so boring. I ran away before the love exercises.”

“The love exercises?” Even repeats, a hint of smile in his voice.

“I don’t know. Vilde, the girl who organized this, wanted us to make a circle and hold hands. That’s so gay.” Isak laughs half-heartedly.

Even frowns a little at the last sentence, and asks Isak what makes holding hands so gay. Isak is taken aback. The words slipped his mouth so quickly, he didn’t even notice he said them. But there’s no hate, hurt, or resentment in Even’s eyes. Not the way Jonas would have judged him for being so close-minded. Even is just curious to know why Isak thinks holding hands is gay, and Isak can’t form any excuses.

“I don’t- I’m sorry. This came out wrong.” Isak finally manages to say.

They stay silent a few minutes, each one drinking from their cups and looking at the pedestrians on the street. A group of friends pass by them, laughing out loud at something one of the girls said. The laughs reverberate on the window glass, as they walk away. On the other side of the street, a couple is saying goodbyes with hundred kisses and heart eyes. There’s a lot of activity on the street, and his eyes can’t seem to find interest in any of the strangers outside, so he finally looks back at Even, who is already staring at him.

“How’s your mom?” Even asks, voice calm and soothing.

Isak is once again taken aback by Even’s question. But this time, he does know the answer. He just wasn’t ready for that kind of conversation already.

“Hum, fine, I guess. I only visited once, after the last time I saw you.” He admits.

“How so?”

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to her, or how to act around her.” Isak looks down at his mug. “I feel like I always have to tiptoe around her, like anything I could say or do wrong might trigger something. And with school, and Emma, I don’t really have the time for it. Nobody at school knows about it. Only Jonas knows about my mom.” He sighs.

Even puts a hand on Isak’s and gently pats it.

“Hey.” He says almost in a whisper. “It’s OK. You have every right to be scared.”

“I’m not scared.” Isak huffs in defense.

Even quirks his eyebrows at that, but let it roll.

“Have you made some research on her illness?” Even suggests. “When I first was diagnosed with bipolar, I had a hard time to accept it. After a while though, I Googled it and found articles and forums about it. There are a lot of people who suffer in silence, either friends or relatives, or even loved ones. It really opened my eyes and, I don’t know. Maybe it could help you the way it helped me.”

Isak stays silent a bit too long after Even’s monologue. Surely, he did some research about mental illnesses, when his mom wasn’t diagnosed with one yet. Even when he was younger, he knew there was something wrong with his mom, by the way she sometimes seemed on another planet. Some days, when Isak came home from school, his house was a total mess, and he found his mom crouched somewhere, yelling that the end of the world was near, and that Faith was the only solution. It scared the shit out of him, and when she threw things at the wall last year when his dad left for another woman, Isak knew he couldn’t stand his mom alone. He left home, stayed at Jonas for a while, but eventually met Eskild in a bar, and Eskild happened to have a spare room in his apartment. Isak moved in with him, Linn and Noora, and ignored his mom the most he could. He couldn’t face her, couldn’t cope with all the crazy things she did or said. At the beginning of summer, he looked up more details about schizophrenia, but he got a little bit scared of what he read online. There was no way he would go back home with her. It’s only when he woke up in the middle of the night to a call from his father, saying his mom was in an ambulance that Isak felt guilty for leaving the house. He _knew_ his mom was ill, yet he left her all alone. He thought that, maybe, somehow, it would pass. But apparently not.

Isak confesses what happened to his mom, and how he just left. Even stays silent the whole time, nodding in understanding and humming when Isak needs a little bit of encouragement. 

“I looked up some information on the web.” Isak murmurs after a moment of silence.

“And?”

“And, that was scary.” He finally admits. “There’s a lot of things to deal with… And every situation is different, so there isn’t a simple guide to let me know how to handle things.”

“_’Schizophrenia for dummies’_.” Even suggests, his eyes soft despite what he just said. 

Isak looks at Even, his gaze somewhere between admiration and annoyance. Mental illnesses aren’t supposed to be funny, but then again, Even himself suffers from one, so Isak guesses he can joke about it without hurting anyone.

“But seriously, though.” Even says, after his laughter died. “Don’t beat yourself up for what you did. As I said, it’s OK to be scared. Sometimes, you just need to take it day by day. I’m sure that no matter what happened, she still loves you and care about you.”

“But she couldn’t recognize me. The day I met you. She yelled at me.” Isak’s voice cracks a little at that memory.

“Yeah, that’s shitty.” Even agrees. “But it happens, sometimes. You just need to accept that some days, her mind isn’t all there, but at the end of the day, she’s still your mom.”

Isak looks outside the window again, letting Even’s words sink in. The sun has set a long time ago, and the street only was lit by the streetlamps or the big windows of the shops.

“Have you considered visiting her anytime soon?”

“I don’t know…”

“Maybe it’d be good for you. It’s been a month since you last visited her, right?” Even asks softly, not a single trace of judgment in his voice. Isak nods. “Then her new medication probably started to help her.”

“How would you know?” Isak asks.

“I don’t.” He admits with a small smile. “But you’ll never know either if you don’t visit her, don’t you think?”

And, well, Isak is lost for words. Even is right. Of course, Even is right. He’s dealing himself with a disorder, trying new medications, and it looks like it’s working. Isak looks down at his now empty, cold mug between his fingers. He lets a shaky breath out his lungs, nods to himself, then looks up to Even. The older boy stares at him with so much intensity, Isak’s breath gets caught in his throat somehow. His heartbeat is definitely faster, his cheeks feels hot under his skin, and his hands tremble almost imperceptibly. But Isak blames it on the coffee. There’s no other explanation for his body responding like that. The warm feeling in his chest has nothing to do with Even’s intense gaze on him. Even asks him a question, but Isak isn’t sure if he heard him at all, his heart beating so loud in his ears, but Isak nods his head anyway.

“OK.” Isak agrees.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an attempt to clear his mind, Isak cleans up the apartment and has dinner with Noora and Eskild. On Sunday, he goes to Emma and apologizes. 
> 
> /!\ Very short smut scene between the bars-thingy, so if you don't want to read it, just skip that part! /!\

Isak knows he’s been a dick to Emma for running away without giving her an explanation on Friday night. On Saturday, he focused on finishing his homework and tidying his room. His chair of clothes was leaning dangerously to the site, so Isak decided he should start with doing his laundry. While he waited for the washing-machine to do its job, he attacked the kitchen. Isak knows Eskild is too nice to point out to Isak that his dirty dishes in the sink disgusts him, so he decides to rinse his plates and utensils, puts them in the dishwasher, then puts his clean clothes in the dryer when it’s ready. Isak has been running in the apartment for at least two hours, scrubbing every piece of furniture with a washcloth and some cleaning product he found under the bathroom sink. It was four thirty when Noora came in with two full bags from grocery store. She takes her shoes off, tossing them to the side with her foot so they don’t get in the way, and looks around.

“Oh wow!” She exclaims, surprised to find the apartment clean.

Noora walks into the kitchen just as Isak is emptying the dishwasher. She puts the bags on the table and, once again, looks around the room. The room is tidy, everything put in its place, and the counters smells like fresh lemon. She smiles, appreciative of Isak’s hard work. Noora and Isak’s friendship is mostly platonic. Their group of friends gravitate around each other from time to time, since Eva and Jonas dated for a few months during their first year at Nissen. Despite living with each other, they aren’t that close, but it’s just fine.

“Are you expecting visitors?” She asks, still surprised.

“No?” Isak frowns in confusion. “I just got bored.”

“Oh, OK.” She shrugs then, starting to emptying the first bag of groceries. She turns to Isak and offers, “I bought too many carrots, do you want some?”

“Sure.” He smiles politely.

Noora hands him the bag of vegetables she bought. Isak helps her placing all the ingredients in the fridge and the cupboards, humming to himself as he reads the label on the beans can.

“Are Eskild and Linn home?” Noora asks.

“I think Eskild is at Adrian’s. Linn is in her room.” Isak informs her.

Noora nods, then puts out the cutting board and a knife. She silently starts to chop carrots, potatoes, and broccoli. Isak looks at her, not sure if he should help or retreats to his room. It’s a well-known fact that Isak Valtersen is no cook. It probably shows on his face though, because when Noora looks up at him, she tilts her head at him and smiles.

“You don’t have to help me cook dinner if you don’t want to.”

And, yeah, Isak lets a relieved sigh out. He thanks her, then goes back to his room. The pile of clean clothes is now sitting on his bed, and Isak isn’t sure if he still has enough energy to fold it and put it into the drawers and the closet. He looks at his dead phone on the nightstand, still not sure if he wants to face Emma’s angry texts, so he considers folding his clothes is more important, less stressing.

The evening rolled in a gust of wind. Noora has made dinner for the four of them, though Linn just picked up her plate and ate in her room. Eskild got back from Adrian’s place just as Noora was putting down her dish on the table. He sat down, and talked animatedly about how he fucked all day, and even though the conversation was making Isak’s cheeks redden, it was their usual nights, the three of them, sometimes joined by Linn. Noora asked Isak how he finds his classes so far (he wasn’t really excited about his French classes, since his teacher was a stuck up bitch who probably needed to get laid, but biology and mathematics seemed promising).

When Isak goes to bed that night, he decides it’s finally time to give Emma some attention. When he turns on his phone, its screen is lighting up with dozens of messages and calls. Some from Jonas and Magnus, one from Even, and most of them from Emma. And, fuck, she was really mad. Isak wasn’t really surprised, but it still shocked him to realize how clingy she was, and how bad he screwed up. He decides to make up for it the next morning. He’ll stop by Kaffebrenneriet to buy two coffees and pastries, some cheap flowers at the market, and will go to Emma’s house. Surely, she won’t stay mad at him if he shows up with breakfast and flowers, right?

***

The next morning, Isak does as he planned last night. He wakes up early, even though he’s grumpy the whole tram ride, stops by Kaffebrenneriet to buy what he thinks Emma will like. He settles on four kind of pastries, the most sugary coffee the barista offers him, and pays for it with a frustrated sigh at how expensive it is. While he waits for his order to be ready, he looks at the table by the window and tries not to think of how Even’s hand felt on his, Friday night. He jumps out of his reverie when the barista calls his name and hands him a bag and two coffee cups on a tray to go. He walks the short distance to the market where he picks up the prettiest flowers at the cheapest price, and then finally heads towards Emma’s parents’ house. He knows her parents aren’t home on Sundays, because they always visit Emma’s grandfather in Kongsberg, which is an hour away from Emma’s house.

Isak balances the flowers, the bag of pastries and the coffees in one hand while he rings the doorbell. A few minutes later, he hears footsteps on the other side of the door, the lock jiggles, and then the door opens. Emma is still wearing her pajamas—an oversized white t-shirt and one of Isak’s pair of briefs he forgot the last time he came here. She looks at him surprised, but anger fills her eyes almost in an instant.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, clearly annoyed.

“I wanted to apologize for Friday.” He says, handing her the flowers, and offers, “I bought breakfast?”

Emma takes the flowers, inhales their perfume, and settles her eyes on Isak who swings on the ball of his heels, waiting for Emma to invite her inside. After a few seconds of awkward silence, she finally sighs and steps aside to let him in. He smiles at her gratefully, puts a hand on her hips and leans in for a quick kiss on her temple. She closes the door, turns around and leads him to the kitchen. Isak puts the food on the table, and turns to look at Emma who opens every cabinet in search of a vase.

“I’m still mad at you, you know.” She says without looking back at him.

“Yeah, I figured, with all your texts.” He mumbles, a little bit ashamed. It’s not that he expected her to accept his apologies in a heartbeat, but he figured it would be easier.

“You better have a good explanation. I had to ask everyone if they saw you leaving the school.” She says, finally finding a vase large enough for the flowers.

“I had an emergency.” Is what Isak comes up with. “I had a call and needed to leave.”

“Everything OK?” Emma looks at him with questioning eyes.

“Hum, yeah. It is, now. But, yeah, I had to go and then my phone died, and yesterday was a bit of a mess.”

Isak clears his throat, then looks at the two cups on the table. He takes one and hands her the other drink. She takes it wordlessly, sits on one of the chair, and waits for Isak to continue. He explains her that his uncle had an accident, and briefly says how he spent all of Friday night at the hospital. He wasn’t sure if his excuse was believable, but soon enough, Emma puts a hand on Isak’s. Isak can’t help himself compare the feeling to when Even did the same. Emma asks him how his uncle is doing now, and they eat slowly while Isak rambles about his uncle and fictional stories of when he was younger. He tells her his uncle was a huge fan of fishing, and that every Saturday when he was eight years old, he would go to his uncle’s cabin and go fishing before the sun came up during summer. Midway his story, he realizes it’s so easy to come up with a lie and continues, delighted by the way Emma looks at him as if it was the most interesting story ever.

* * *

When they are done with the croissants and cinnamon rolls, Emma puts the paper bag in the trash, rinse her cup and put it in the recycle bin. She then takes Isak’s hand, leads him upstairs where her room is. Isak has spent a numerous of nights and lazy morning in there, but it still feels oppressing when he enters the room. Emma closes the door behind him, and starts to kiss him languorously. Isak complies, even though he knows he’s not exactly in the mood for it. He doesn’t really have a choice, he needs her to believe everything is OK between them, so he kisses her back and pushes her towards the bed. She lets herself fall backwards on it, pulling Isak with her in her fall. She hums in contentment against his mouth, then slides her tongue in his mouth, deepening the kiss. Isak presses his body against hers, one hand on her lower back, the other tangled in her short, brown hair. He tugs at her hair, rolling her head back, and starts to trail down a path from beneath her left ear to her collarbones. Emma’s shirt is slightly in the way, so he tugs on it and takes it off, revealing her bare chest. He wets his lips before trailing kisses between her tits, and down her bellybutton. She lets soft moans, hands firmly pressed on Isak’s shoulders. He knows she wants him to go lower, to put his tongue inside her and make her feel good, but Isak is almost repulsed by the idea. Instead he just teases her some more, before taking off his own clothes and taking off Emma’s—or his—boxer short. He extends his arm to reach the bedside table, opens the drawers and picks up the box of condoms. He puts one on his hardened cock, dries off his hand from the lubricant on her bedsheets, then positions himself above her. He looks up at her, waiting for her approval because, at least, he’s not a complete douchebag, and then enters her, letting a low growl escape his mouth at the tightness of Emma’s walls.

* * *

A few minutes later, when he’s done and coming down from his climax, he lays down on Emma’s bed, fixing the ceiling. Emma rolls on her side and puts an arm over Isak’s middle. He doesn’t look at her back, but smiles softly. They stay in silent for almost five minutes, before Emma shuffles position and puts her chin on Isak’s shoulder.

“Do you think I could come to yours, next time? I’d really like to meet your parents.” Emma says.

Isak freezes. If the thought of going down on her scared him earlier, the thought of introducing Emma to his parents was even more scarier. Not that he didn’t want to, but his family situation was shitty and complicated. Even Jonas rarely saw Isak’s parents, and he’s his _best friend._ There is no way Isak can introduce Emma to his dad in the near future, because Terje moved to Bergen and only visits once in a while. And, nope, there is absolutely no chance he brings her to the psychiatric hospital. Isak never even mentioned living in a shared flat with three other roommates, because he didn’t like the idea of Emma lying in his bed, or showing up unannounced to his place. When he feels her move away with a loud sigh, he finally speaks up.

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” He quickly says. “It’s just… complicated, at the moment.”

“Why? I’m your _girlfriend_, Isak. We’ve been dating for a month, don’t you think it’s time I finally meet your parents?” Emma says in an impatient tone.

“I know! I know, it’s not—it’s really complicated. I swear, it has nothing to do with you.”

“I just don’t understand why you don’t want me to meet them! Are you ashamed of me? Am I not good enough for them?”

“God, no. Emma, you’re—they’re…” Isak sighs and rolls his eyes in annoyance. How the fuck did he put himself in that situation? “They’re separated.” He finally announces, and at least, that part of the story is true. “It’s been a year, but things are shit right now.”

By the time Isak finished his sentence, Emma had already put her t-shirt back on. There was hurt and confusion in her eyes, but she didn’t let the tears roll down. Her neck was red with concealed anger, and Isak just knew there wasn’t anything he could do right now to lighten her mood, so he picked up his clothes, got dressed and just sat on the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh.

“Look, I know you don’t like it, but I can’t bring you home at the moment.” Isak says in a defeated voice.

“Whatever…” Emma huffs, rolls her eyes, and turns her back to Isak.

Isak takes it as an opportunity to leave. He gets up silently, then walks towards the door, avoiding the mess on the bedroom floor. As he opens the door, he hears her sniffles, but he doesn’t turn around. Emma’s boiling emotions are way too much to handle, and Isak can’t be bothered to deal with it right now. If there’s one thing he learned from living with his mother, it’s that Emma can explode at any moment. He prefers to let things settle down before talking to her, so he just leaves. He gathers his phone, his wallet and his snapback that stayed on the kitchen table, and leaves the house.

On the tram back home, Isak scrolls through 9GAG in a poor attempt to change his mind. A part of him wishes he was brave enough to just introduce her to his mother, but he also knows that he’s not ready to cross that line. Emma isn’t an important, stable figure enough in his life to risk it. Not only there is a risk his mother won’t take it well—she hardly handles new encounters—but also, he doesn’t want people to know his mom is crazy. What would Emma think? He locks his phone and puts it away because he’s too distracted to pay attention to what he’s looking at, and just looks out the window. As he sees the city go by in front of his eyes, he wonders if it would be easier to simply break up with Emma.

Everything would come back to its normal, there would be no need to mix his personal life and his social life. No commitments, no problems.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween party. Isak sees Even making out with a girl, and he feels something he shouldn't.

In the end, Isak decided to stay with Emma even though it was more by convenience than actual feelings towards the girl. After their fight, Isak gave Emma the space and time she needed to recover from it. It only took her three days before she walked up to Isak, as if nothing happened, and kissed him in the courtyard. One thing Isak appreciated about Emma was that she was a year younger than him, which meant that they don’t have the same classes and rarely see each other in the hallways since their classes aren’t in the same buildings. Sometimes, Emma would join Isak and his friends at his table for lunch, but since the boys always seemed to talk about girls and hookups, she preferred to eat with her own friends. For Isak, it was some sort of relief, because he didn’t like to spend the entire hour making out with her instead of eating and chatting with the boys. Also, he noticed that Even never joined them at the table if Emma was there. At first, Isak thought it was because he wanted to be with his third year’s friends, but the pattern seemed off. And Isak rarely saw Even with third years.

As Halloween approaches, a lot of parties are starting to get organized and Magnus seems desperate to attend each one of them, but Jonas and Mahdi are trying to convince him that it’s pretty much impossible. There is too many parties, across the entire city, and none of them own a car to allow them to move from a party to another. The boys are all seated on the windowsill in the staircases of the school, giving them a nice view on the schoolyard. Groups of friends stand in circles, some sitting on a bench, a few couples making out around a corner. Isak notices Even across the yard, talking with two girls animatedly. Even always talks with his hands, making grand gestures and illuminating the room—or his surroundings, at least—with only his presence. Isak doesn’t really listen to the boys talking about which party they should attend, but he startles when two cold hands reach his neck. He jumps and turns around, ready to snap.

“What the fuck?” Isak widens his eyes, bitter.

“Sorry, I was outside for like five minutes but it’s freezing!” Emma announces, apologetically. “Hey guys.” She then turns to the others with a smile.

“Hi Emma.” They all answer in unison, Isak’s annoyed frown still on his face.

“Did you get my message?” Emma asks Isak, her eyes shining with something Isak can’t identify.

“Uh.” He tries to remember which message Emma is talking about, but she sends him so many messages in a day that, really, he doesn’t. “No. What’s up?”

“There’s a party on Friday organized by a third year, Chris? And it seems like half of the school will be there.” She says. Magnus’ eyes lit up with excitement at that. “I thought that we could go and have matching costumes, like a cat and a mouse, or Batman and Batwoman, or something?”

Isak looks at this friends, in search of help. He didn’t plan on being costumed, and based on the boys’ faces, neither of them. But, after all, it’s Halloween. Maybe it would make more sense that they have costumes if they want to go to a party. Fuck, why none of them already thought about that?

“OK.” He says after a moment, because Emma is just staring at him expectantly.

“Yeah?” Her smile widens.

“Yeah, just text me what you want our costumes to be.” He shrugs nonchalantly, because he couldn’t care less about his or Emma’s costume.

“Cool, maybe we could go shopping together on Wednesday after school? To see what’s left in stores.” 

“Yeah, works for me.” At this point, Isak just wants her to leave, so he agrees to whatever she asks.

Emma puts her arms around his neck in a hug, puts a quick kiss on his lips before he can even react, and leaves them. When Isak is sure Emma is far enough, he turns around to look at his friends to continue their previous conversation, but he’s met with three pairs of eyes on him. The boys’ grins tell him they’re trying to contain their laughs to themselves but failing so hard. Jonas is the first one to burst into laughter, his whole body shaken with giggles, followed by Mahdi.

“What?” Isak asks, grumpy.

“A cat and a mouse?” Mahdi asks, wiping away a single tear of laughter at the corner of his right eye. 

“Ugh, whatever.” Isak rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why I accepted, this party is gonna be shit anyway.”

“I think it’s romantic.” Magnus says, his tone serious. They all turn to him, raising their brows. “What? I wish I had a girlfriend to have a matching costume with someone.”

“Oh yeah, and what would be your costume?” Jonas asks. “A carrot and a bunny, so the bunny would eat your carrot?” He says, quirking his eyebrows with a devious grin.

Mahdi and Jonas burst out laughing at that, clapping their hand together as if it was the best joke of the year. Magnus just smiles oblivious, because that’s just how Magnus is, a little bit dumb and oblivious to the banters they have about him and his non-existent sex life. Isak looks outside the window, and even though he moved to another part of the schoolyard, his eyes setting on Even in a second as if the boy was a magnet to Isak’s gaze. And as if Even could sense Isak’s gaze on him, he looks up after a while and smiles at Isak. Isak wants to look away, his cheeks reddening with a blush, but he keeps his eyes on the older boy, a small smile creeping up at the corner of his lips.

***

On Friday night, Isak walks from the tram to the party, holding hands with Emma. Two days earlier, they went shopping and found some cheap, matching costumes of an angel and a demon. It wasn’t very long to choose who would be the angel and who would be the demon. The demon suited Isak’s sour mood and grumpy attitude, and Emma really wanted to wear these stupid feather wings. Isak would’ve preferred to come to the party with his friends, but they decided to have a pre-party at one of Mahdi’s friends, and Emma wanted to be there earlier than the boys, so Isak had no choice but to go with her, making his friends promise him not to show up too late.

As they reach the address, the party clearly has begun a long time ago, even though it’s only 21h03. There are at least twelve persons outside, smoking and talking on the front yard. When they enter the living room are packed with bodies, the music is pumping loud on the stereo, burying the chatters of the people dancing and laughing. Isak looks around him, trying to find the way to the kitchen where he knows the alcohol will be. He’s making his way toward the kitchen, Emma on his heels, when a guy wearing a cowboy costume bumps into him accidently, emptying his red cups onto Isak’s shirt. Isak frees his hand, takes a step back, groaning down at his wet shirt. The boy mumbles an apology, but he’s already so drunk that he doesn’t even seem to notice that his cup has emptied on Isak. He walks past the guy, walking the last ten steps before entering the kitchen. He goes straight up to the sink and tries to wring his shirt into the sink to let the most of the beer go down the drain. He tries his best to ignore Emma panicking on his side, because he really can’t stand her right now. Isak hasn’t even started to drink yet, and the party is a total flop, his shirt cold and sticking on him where beer has spilled on it.

“Are you OK?” Emma keeps asking.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” He scoffs, rubbing a hand in his face.

It’s been less than five minutes and his shirt is already soaking wet with beer. Isak is not in a good mood, and Emma is already getting on his nerves, so he just shoots her a look before she can say something else. After a moment, he stops trying to wring his shirt, grabs a beer from the cooler on the counter top, and goes back to the living room without waiting for Emma to follow because he knows she will concoct herself a drink and Isak has no patience to wait for her. He leans against a wall, watching the people dancing in the middle of the room, and takes a sip of his beer. The room is too crowded, he thinks. People are making fools of themselves with all their costumes, and make ups, and just—Isak can’t wait for this evening to be over already. Or at least for his friends to show up, so he won’t be stuck with Emma for too long. He wishes Emma’s friends will show up soon too.

Isak is still staring at the crowd, deep in his thoughts, when a tall figure comes next to him, and it takes a moment before he realizes it’s Even who’s hidden behind a ridiculous white beard and a long white tunic. Even’s smile is covered by his fake beard, but Isak knows he’s smiling because it reaches the corner of his eyes. Even greets him.

“Are you horny?” Even asks, his voice teasing. 

“Uh?” Isak hums, shocked by the sudden question.

Even points at the horns on Isak’s head, and Isak clicks his tongue in annoyance, but he can’t help the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He looks down at Even’s costume in confusion.

“What are you supposed to be? A witch?”

“What? No, I’m God!” Even laughs, spreading his arms in a cross. “What happened to your shirt anyway?” He asks after regaining his composure.

“Some guy dropped his drink on me.” Isak rolls his eyes again, but he’s less bitter about it.

“Are you here alone?” The older boy asks, closer to Isak when he leans against the wall again.

Isak tries to ignore Even’s body heat radiating on his side, as he looks towards the kitchen to know if Emma will be there soon.

“No, I’m with Emma.”

“Oh.” Even voices softly, a hint of jealousy in it. “And the boys?”

“They’ll join later, they have a pre-party somewhere else.” Isak informs him.

“OK.”

Even is about to add something but Emma bursts their bubble, stepping in front of them.

“Hi Even!” She says loudly over the music. “Isak, you could’ve waited for me, no?”

“Sorry.” Isak scrunches his shoulders in an attempt to look apologetic.

“You have matching costumes?” Even remarks. “That’s nice.”

“Thank you!” Emma smiles proudly. “You match with ours too!” She laughs.

Even laughs politely, though Isak notices Even’s posture is more tense than it was seconds ago, before Emma came in. Isak doesn’t have the time to analyze more of Even’s body language, because Emma takes his free hand and looks up at him.

“I love that song! Come dance with me!” She screams when the song changes to a more pop song.

Isak complies, looking back at Even with an apologetic smile. Even waves at him and walks away to the kitchen. Emma starts dancing as soon as they hit the makeshift-dancefloor. Isak bobbles his head to the rhythm of the music, swaying on his heels lazily, not really in sync with Emma. Isak doesn’t really know for how long they dance, losing track of the number of songs that has passed, but his feet start to get tired, and his beer is empty. He puts a hand on the small of Emma’s back and brushes his mouth to her ears so she could hear him over the music.

“I’m gonna take a new beer, I’ll be back.”

He turns around, makes his way through the crowd of dancing bodies, and finally stumbles in the kitchen. Isak takes another beer from the cooler, though the ice cubes had melted a little bit and the beer is less cold than it was earlier. He takes a minute to look at his phone, sending a text message to his friends, asking them if they are on their way. Isak stops right in his tracks, stunned. As much as Emma’s costume is pretty hard to miss, the first thing he sees when he makes his way back to the dancefloor is Even. Even’s body pressed between a girl and the wall he’s leaning against. Isak can’t help himself staring at them for a minute, his cheeks feeling hot. Even’s beard has disappeared somewhere between the last time Isak saw Even and now, revealing his bright, perfect smile. Isak isn’t sure what the girl’s costume is supposed to be, but by the length of her skirt, he’s pretty sure it would’ve been banned from the school. He catches Even looking back at him and grinning for a second, but Even looks back at the girl right after. Even’s hands travel down from her sides to her butt, and he murmurs something to her ear, making her laugh—and it’s the most annoying laugh Isak has ever heard. The next second, the girl’s mouth crashes onto Even’s. And, really, it’s not like Isak is surprised because he knows Even is a good looking guy and charming, but he can’t help himself being a little bit taken aback. And he can’t help his eyes travelling down to Even’s hands grabbing the girl’s ass more tightly, pressing her more firmly against him.

Isak gulps down the lump in his throat and finally starts making his way back to Emma. He finds her dancing with another dude, which normally wouldn’t make him jealous, but now he’s pissed and feeling lonely, so he pulls her by the shoulder, turning her around, and crashes his own mouth on hers. She whimpers in surprise, but quickly recovers, puts her arms around Isak’s neck, and responds to the kiss. Emma’s mouth taste like vodka and cherry soda, and she hums appreciatively when Isak’s tongue darts out, licking her lower lips, making its way between her lips to meet Emma’s tongue. Isak opens his eyes, looking at his surroundings, and sure enough, Even and the girl are right in his field of view. They joined the dancefloor too and the girl’s back is now pressed against Even’s chest, her hips grinding him. One of Even’s hands is on her hips, holding her tight against him, the other one lost in her blonde hair. And, even though she’s facing the other way, somehow, their mouths are still glued to each other, tongue lazily darting out. They’re making out without any boundaries, like they were the only person in the room, and Isak feels something between disgusted and annoyed. As he continues to stare at Even, he realizes a second too late that Even has opened his eyes, his gaze landing straight on Isak. Even’s eyes are now only a thin blue line around his dilated irises, and Isak feels his cock twitching when Emma presses herself against him. Isak knows Even’s eyes aren’t full with lust because of him, but _fuck_, he can’t help himself closing his eyes, unable to handle his stare anymore. And even though his eyes are closed, his own tongue lost in Emma’s mouth, he can’t stop himself thinking of Even’s dilated eyes, his messy hair, and his full, plump lips.

That night, when he goes back to Emma’s place, Isak lets himself fall onto the bed fully clothed. He groans as his brain is already hammering in his head. He’s frustrated because his friends bailed on him, going to another party instead, and Isak has had too many drinks since the whole making out contest with Even. Emma giggles, taking off her costume and helping Isak getting his beer-soaked shirt and the horns on his head. Emma’s lips reach his, trailing down his jaw, his neck, and going lower and lower, until she reaches Isak’s jeans. Despite having many drinks too, she still manages to pop Isak’s jeans’ button with ease and tugs on it, grinning up at Isak. Luckily for them, Emma’s parents always sleep soundly. There could be a hurricane, and they probably would still be asleep. So whenever Emma wants to have sex in the middle of the night, they don’t even have to be subtle about it.

This time, though, Isak’s dick doesn’t seem to cooperate. Regardless of how Emma’s hands are playing expertly with his balls and her mouth is warm around him, Isak can’t get hard. He wishes he could, but he just can’t. Isak tries to drop his head back on the pillow and closes his eyes to enjoy the moment, but instead of Emma’s lips on him, his blurred mind can only think of another pair of lips on his body. He opens his eyes fast, the image of Even’s lips around his cock still burning the back of his lids. Isak extends one of his arms and tugs on Emma’s short hair, pulling her away from that area.

“That won’t work, Em.” Isak groans.

“Am I not doing it right?” She asks with confusion in her eyes.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just… Maybe I’m too drunk.” Isak lies.

“I can try again, it’s OK. I’ve got this.” She smirks, trying to be sexy.

Isak lets a loud sigh out. How can that girl be so stubborn?

“I don’t think that’ll work.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I just need to sleep.”

“Oh…” Emma huffs, disappointment filling her voice.

Isak puts his underwear back on, repositions himself on the right side of the bed, pulls the covers over his body and turns his back to Emma. He hears Emma shuffling around the room, putting on her pajamas and turning off the light. When the bed dips under her weight, she moves closer to Isak and wraps an arm around his waist.

“Are you sleeping?” She murmurs, pressing her breast intently against Isak’s back.

He’s not sure why, but Isak pretends to be asleep to avoid talking to her any more. After a moment, she huffs and turns around, giving up on having any kind of interaction with him. She falls asleep a few minutes later, but Isak’s eyes are wide open because when he closes his eyes, all he sees is Even. Even’s disheveled hair, his dilated pupils, his red, plumped lips, and the way he gripped the girl’s waist so hard Isak’s pretty sure she’s going to have bruises. As much as Isak wishes he could fall asleep right now, the only thought of seeing Even behind his closed lids scares him even more.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day, Isak meets Even at KB for a study date.

Isak only slept four hours that night, and when he woke up, Emma was still asleep next to him, all curled up in the sheets. Isak gets up, puts his clothes back on, except for his drained t-shirt. He shuffles through Emma’s wardrobe to find an old shirt he knows he left here during summer so he won’t be shirtless on the tram. He puts his dirty shirt and his costume in his bag, then leaves Emma’s room in silence, closing the door gently not to wake her up. He tip-toes the staircase down, hoping to just leave the house without being heard, but when he walks in the lobby and puts his shoes on, Emma’s parents are coming from the kitchen.

“Oh, hi Isak!” Emma’s dad greets him with a warm smile, holding a cup of coffee in his right hand. “You’re leaving?”

“Hi Mr. Larzen.” Isak nods politely. “Yes, I’m about to leave.”

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Emma’s mother asks after hugging him.

“Oh, no thank you. I-I have to go.” Isak denies politely.

He would rather be a zombie on the tram but go home faster than being stuck in this house for another minute. He tells them goodbye and leaves without even looking back once.

***

When he finally lets himself fall face first on his bed and is about to fall back asleep, his phone buzzes on the night stand next to his face. He groans and ignores it. It’s probably just Emma who woke up and texted him good morning or his friends, but he knows Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi would never text him this early in the morning. Because they know Isak isn’t a morning person and that he’s the grumpiest bitch possible when people try to talk to him before he got his first cup of coffee of the day. The buzz dies rapidly, and Isak is grateful for the noise to stop, but not only thirty seconds later, the device rings again. Nonstop. He stretches his arm, takes the phone and looks at the screen, more than ready to send whoever the fuck calls him at nine in the morning to the voicemail, but Even’s name lights up the screen and, well, his thumb slide the phone open before he can think this through. Isak hasn’t even spoke yet that Even’s voice booms in his ear.

“Good morning, Isak!”

Isak can hear Even’s smile through the phone. It’s not like Isak notices everything Even says or does, but… Well, he does notice these little things anyway.

“You better have a goddamn good excuse for calling so soon.” Isak mumbles.

“What about a study date around a cup of coffee?” Even proposes, his voice hopeful.

“Ugh.” Isak rolls on his back and puts an arm over his eyes. “When?”

“Now.” Even replies, matter of factly.

“Now?”

“Yeah, I’m only five minutes away from KB at walk.” Even waits for Isak to reply, but Isak’s mind is busy remembering what happened last night. “Come on, I’ll pay your coffee.” He adds.

“OK.” Isak groans finally. “I’ll be there in ten.”

***

Ten minutes turned into twenty, because Isak absolutely needed a quick shower, and he put on a clean shirt instead of the one he picked up from Emma’s. He packed his bag quickly with his laptop and notebooks before heading outside, running.

When he enters the café, Isak notices Even is at the same table as the last time they were there, after he ran away from the kosegruppa meeting. There were two cups and a textbook in front of him, and even though Isak hates himself for not wearing a beanie in the cold, Even’s smile warms him instantly. Almost. Isak’s hair are still damp from the shower, and a droplet of water falls at the back of his neck, giving Isak goosebumps. He sits down next to Even, trying to put a safe distant between them. As soon as Isak is sitting though, Even puts an arm around his shoulders in greetings, and Isak is suspicious as to why Even’s mood is so light. More than ordinary. Isak opens his bag and takes out his supplies, pushing his cup to the side to make place for his laptop.

“Did you sleep well?” Even asks when he settles his attention back to his textbook.

“Uh. I only slept four hours.” He says as he sips from his cup.

Apparently, Even noticed how Isak liked his coffee, because there were no traces of milk or sugar in his coffee. Isak smiles self-consciously down to himself at that.

“Really? Me too.” Even grins.

Isak frowns. How could someone only sleep four hours and still have that much energy? Unless…

“Are you OK?” Isak asks cautiously, looking around the place to make sure there isn’t too many eavesdroppers. “Are you… having an episode?”

“Hm?” Even lifts his head up from the sentence he was rewriting. “Oh. No. I just had sex all night.” He smirks.

And, yeah, Isak lets a small relieved sigh escape his mouth, but his heart also clenches at that. Isak wishes he could’ve had sex last night too, to loosen up the tension in his lower parts, but nope. No cooperation from his friend down there. At least Even got some. And Isak should’ve known. Even is glowing. His eyes are shining, even though he’s not looking at Isak. His lips are still red from kissing and being bitten. Let’s not even talk about Even’s hair, they’re all messy in different directions… But what makes Isak’s heart drop are the hickeys on Even’s collarbones and behind his left ear. From what Isak can see, he can count up to four different marks on his neck.

“Wow. That’s… great.”

“Yeah, it was really great. You saw her, right?” Isak nods silently. “She was so hot. It probably was the best sex I’ve had in the last year.”

“Are you gonna see her again?”

“I don’t think so. We didn’t exchange our numbers.”

Isak wasn’t going to reply, but wait, what.

“What?” He frowns in confusion. “You just slept with her all night and didn’t get her number?”

“I don’t really mind.” Even shrugs, like it was no big deal.

And maybe to Even, it isn’t. From what Isak knows, Even is single from at least a year and a half. They haven’t really talked about their personal life, but he knows Even’s last relationship didn’t end well. Maybe it was a regular thing for Even to sleep around. It’s not exactly like Isak was in a better situation. Before dating Emma, Isak was known for making out with numerous of girls at parties. But at least, he pretended to care about the girls for a week after that. Not Even.

“Why not?” He asks Even, taking another sip from his cup to occupy his shaky hands.

“To be honest, she doesn’t mean anything to me.” Even looks up from his books and looks outside the window as he adds, “I know it’s a dick move, but when I woke up I just walked away. It’s been a while since I’ve been with a girl. I don’t want any commitment right now, and girls always are too clingy.”

Isak looks up from his keyboard at Even’s words. Isak did the exact same thing to Emma, except he didn’t have sex with her all night—or at all, last night. He walked away without telling her or waking her up. Does that mean he’s been a dick for doing that? And—wait, did Even just said _‘with a girl’_? It’s not that Isak’s mind can only focuses on the ‘with a girl’ part, but yeah, it does. What does that even mean? Isak shuffles on his seat, trying to get more comfortable.

“What, are you like, bi?” Isak asks, still confused.

“Hm, more like pansexual.” Even finally looks at Isak.

“What’s the difference?”

“Pansexual is when you like both sex, but don’t care about their sex. You care about the person, not what’s between their legs.”

“That’s… pretty much the same as bi, though.” Isak replies after a few seconds, trying to analyze the differences.

“Not exactly. But yeah, a lot of people think so too.” The older boy shrugs. “The way I see it, I’m interested in a person depending on their personality. I really don’t care what gender they identify to.”

Isak nods in understanding, even though the concept still feels a bit weird for him. Even takes a sip from his mug before lifting a hand into Isak’s face’s direction. He takes one of Isak’s curls and puts it behind his ear meticulously, his eyes following the movement. Isak is a little taken aback by the action, his cheek turning a light shade of pink, and he clears his throat after Even’s gaze has returned to his eyes. There is something in Even’s eyes that tells Isak he’s thinking about something else, his gaze a little bit clouded and soft with an emotion Isak can’t name.

“Uh.” Isak isn’t sure if his voice is trembling or if it’s just in his head. “M-maybe we should do our homework.”

“Right.” Even snaps from his reverie.

They empty their mugs and sets them aside, making more room for their books and Isak’s computer. Even continues what he was doing before Isak showed up, and Isak starts his homework, pausing from time to time to look up at Even’s side from the corner of his eye. And every time, Even looks up at him at the same time with a small smile.

For the rest of the day, they do their homework in peaceful silence, Isak sometimes helping Even memorizing things for his Medias test coming up. Around lunch time, Even buys them sandwiches and they chat a little, taking a pause from their studies. Around four o’clock, Even has to go home to help his mom making dinner. They separate at the café’s door, each of them going in a different direction.

“See you on Monday.” Isak calls out.

“Have a nice evening!” Even smiles and waves at Isak.

Instead of walking back home, Isak takes the tram. He takes his phone out, ignores his messages and opens his music instead. He puts his earphones in and puts a random playlist on, tuning the world around him off. As the beat of Nas’s _The Message_ fills his ears, Isak leans lazily his head against the window. He doesn’t look at anything specifically. He contemplates the buildings passing by in a blur, the other passengers on the tram, and when he closes his eyes to rest a minute, all he can see is Even’s smile, and the way he looked at him when he put a stray curl behind his ear. When he gets at the kollektiv, Eskild has already left for work, but he finds it’s just Noora and Linn sitting on the couch and watching a documentary on about the ocean life. He joins them silently, slumps down on the couch next to Noora and lets his head fall against Noora’s shoulder. Despite not being that close, he lets himself sigh in content when she plays with his hair, and before he knows it, Isak falls asleep.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak finds a new way to enjoy sex again. And Emma insists to meet Isak's parents again.
> 
> /!\ Smut scene will be between lines, so skip this section if you don't want to read it. /!\

A week later, on Sunday afternoon, Isak and Emma are lying on her bed, their homework displayed in front of them. Emma’s parents have asked them if they wanted to join them to visit Emma’s grandfather, but they said they had too many homework to do, that they’d rather stay home instead. And they really do have a lot of homework. Isak has a chemistry test coming up soon, and he feels like he’s behind on the subject. He first wanted to study with Sana, because she’s a better study partner than Emma is, but she went to a cabin with Noora, Eva, Chris and Vilde for the weekend. So instead, he spent the weekend at Emma’s. Isak is stressed out of his mind, trying to memorize half of his textbook by heart, but when he still mixes two answers, he lets out a low, frustrated groan. Emma lifts her head from her book and looks at him.

“Are you OK?”

“Yeah, I’m just stressed.” He sighs. “I’m usually good at chemistry, but there’s too many things to learn.”

“You know what you need? You need a break.” She then smirks. “You’ve been studying for the last two hours, you need to relax.”

* * *

Emma puts down her book next to her, folding the corner of the page she was reading, and takes Isak’s book out of his hands, putting his pencil between the pages and setting it down. She then straddles him, her arms locking behind his neck and Isak has no other choice than putting his hands on her hips. He looks up at her, their faces only inches apart. She leans in slowly, pressing her lips against his. Isak can’t help himself but thinking Emma’s libido is way more active than his, because for the last week, she always wanted to suck him or being fingered, or fucked. It’s not that sex isn’t good anymore, but there’s just something feeling off for him. It’s still good. But something doesn’t feel the same as before.

He lets her take the lead, though. After all, he does need a break, and to relax. His left hand travels under her t-shirt, cupping her left boob, his other hand squeezing her hip lightly. She hums against his lips, deepening the kiss. She untangles her arms from behind Isak’s neck to take off her shirt, revealing a grey sports bra. Isak doesn’t find anything attractive about it, but dives in anyway, nuzzling his nose against the soft, pale skin of her cleavage. He trails kisses from there to her collarbone, and at the intersection between her neck and her shoulder. Emma grinds on him, trying to get friction between her legs. Isak lowers the hand from her hip to the space between them, and can feel Emma’s wetness already soaking through her panties and leggings. Isak isn’t completely hard yet, but at least it’s not completely inanimate. He lifts his arms in the air when he feels Emma tugging on his shirt, grateful for the distraction. He decides to change position, lying down completely and putting his head on her pillows. They start kissing again, more languorously. Emma, in an attempt to make Isak more excited, makes soft moans, travels her hands all up Isak’s torso, grabbing a handful of his hair. When she tugs at it, at the same time as she grinds him with more pressure, it kind of works. His dick twitches in his sweatpants, and Emma knows because he can feel her grins against his mouth. She breaks the kiss for a moment, taking off her top and her leggings, keeping on the panties, as Isak jiggles free from his pants. They are both lying in their underwear, kissing lazily, tugging at each other in a war of who’s going to make the other moan more. When Emma gets enough, she stretches an arm to get a condom from her bedside table, and tears it open with her teeth. She rolls it down on Isak’s length after he took his boxer off, and when it’s on, she quickly gets out of her very soaked underwear. She’s about to straddles him again when he puts a hand on her hip to slow her down.

“Can we change position?” He asks.

“Yeah? Which one do you want to do?”

“I’d like to take you from behind.” He says a little bit too quickly.

As much as they tried a lot of position, they still never did it in doggy style. He just wants to try it differently. He’s heard Jonas the other day saying that with this position, the boy could go deeper inside and that they could sometimes make the girl squirts. Not that he wanted her to squirt necessarily, but he wanted to try it.

“OK. Yeah.” Emma looks at him and bites her lower lip, flushed.

They shuffle positions, Emma kneeling in front of him and lowering her upper body, leaning on her hands. Isak positions himself behind her and grabs her hips to steady himself. The view only makes it very different, giving him some sort of excitement. With one hand, he pushes gently on her back so she bent a little bit more, her back arched, resulting in her ass being more exposed. And, well, that way, Isak can see everything. He wets his lips at the sight, and then buries his dick inside her, letting a low moan escape at the way Emma’s wetness makes it so easy for him to glides inside. The angle feels different. The pressure is different. And, yes, his dick goes a little bit deeper and he can feel—and hear—the effect it has on her.

So Isak grabs her hips a little bit more tightly than necessary and starts to trust, slowly at first, but faster and harder by every minute that passes. Emma makes noises that makes him go even faster, his hold so tight on her thin hips. He’s holding onto her so hard, he’s pretty sure there is going to have some bruises, but Isak couldn’t care any less. He needs to stay grounded, the feeling too overwhelming.

Isak closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling too much, but his mind must be dysfunctional because behind his closed lids, it’s not Emma he sees. It’s Even. His blonde hair, a tangle mess. His lips, red and swollen. His eyes, first closed in pleasure, but then open, reflecting lust. Isak imagines it was his ass instead of the girl’s who Even grabbed so hard during that Halloween party. The only thing making him remember he’s ponding into Emma instead of Even is the high pitched noises she makes. Isak wants to open his eyes. He desperately wants to open his eyes and stop imagining his friend. His _very attractive_ friend.

But he can’t.

Isak imagines Even lying under him, his legs all spread open, and his chest and his cheeks flustered with a delicious red blush. He imagines him arching his back in pleasure and screaming his name, and, fuck. He feels his heart beating faster, his buildup quicker than usual. He can feel his own legs shaking, before coming into the condom with a guttural sound and crashing down on Emma’s back. They both collapse on the bed, all sweaty and panting. He pulls out of Emma, rolls onto his back, and takes some deep breaths, eyes still closed. He can feel Emma turning on her side, probably facing him.

“Wow.” She huffs. “That was…” She trails off.

“Good?” Isak tries, still unable to look at her.

“Amazing.” She squeals. “You were so deep, it was like I could feel all of you.”

Emma continues to ramble about how great it was, her voice strained with exhaustion. Isak sighs appreciatively, then finally opens his eyes to take a look at his dick. There’s a lot of cum in the condom, and Isak takes it off with a tissue. He throws it away in the trash can next to Emma’s desk, and lets himself fall back on the pillow with a loud sigh. They stay silent a few minutes, coming down from their climax.

* * *

***

When Isak is gathering his things at the end of the day to go back to his apartment before Emma’s parents come back, Emma hugs him from behind, locking her arms around his middle. She squishes her cheek on his back and holds him tight. She still hasn’t put her clothes back on, except from an oversized crewneck sweater and a fresh pair of underwear.

“You’re going home already?” She asks.

“Yeah, I need to eat and study a little more before going to sleep.”

“Can I come with you?”

“What? No, why?” Isak turns his head to look at her.

She looks up at him with puppy eyes.

“I’d really like to meet your father. Or your mother, I don’t remember which one left.” Emma shrugs.

Isak remembers he still hasn’t said anything about sharing a flat with three people. Maybe now would be a good time to confess about it.

“I already told you, I can’t bring you home.” He sighs slightly. “I… I’m not living with any of them anymore.”

“You live by yourself?” Emma asks, untangling her arms and stepping back to let Isak enough place to turn around properly. “Since when?”

“The beginning of the summer, actually… But I’m not alone. I have three roommates and the apartment isn’t really big, so I can’t bring people over. And…”

Isak looks at his feet, a little bit stressed and ashamed of what he’s about to say. He doesn’t know how Emma will react.

“My dad left home last year for another woman because my mom is sick.” He lifts his head up, staring at Emma to catch her reaction. “She’s schizophrenic. She’s in hospital since this summer.”

Emma gasps, her eyes widening. 

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god, Isak. You should have told me! I could have come visit her with you.”

Something like panic rises in Isak’s chest. There’s no way he brings a girl to his mom in hospital. She might be better with her medication and treatments, but introducing her someone new and as loud and obnoxious as Emma is a big no.

“She can’t have visitors except for me because it might trigger something and make her have a crisis.” He lies quickly.

Although, he’s not entirely sure if it’s a lie. It _may_ trigger something. No one knows. Emma stares at him for a few seconds, trying to analyze his last few words. She seems to be conflicted to believe him or not, because honestly, that’s a pretty fucked up family story.

Isak doesn’t have a perfect family, and he knows it. He’s far from Emma’s family who still sticks together, and visits Emma’s grandfather every Sundays. Even when things weren’t as bad as they were in the last few years, his parents always fought each other when he was younger. More often than not, he spent nights at Jonas’ because he’d rather sleep on the floor than being awake in the middle of the night by his parents yelling and throwing things around the house. On many occasion, Isak’s mom was so out of her mind that she forgot to give Isak money for his lunch at school, so Isak only ate cheese toasties from the cafeteria’s program for less fortunate kids. When Isak had his growth spurt, most of his jeans were too short for him, but his dad wasn’t around enough to notice and bring Isak shopping for new clothes. At thirteen years old, he drank his first beer, and at fourteen, he smoked weed for the first time. Isak was only sixteen when his dad left him alone with his crazy mom. When his father left, it was sort of a relief at first, because he thought it would mean that their fights would be over. But his mom became somehow even crazier, and Isak couldn’t stand her, so he left her all alone too.

Isak’s story is not a cute story to tell his girlfriend, for so many reasons. He just delivered a part of himself that so little people know about, and he feels so vulnerable in this position. He’s not ashamed of his mom, because deeply he still loves her very much. But he just wishes she was more around, more present for him and to care about him the way she should have. So when Emma finally opens her mouth, Isak’s world shatters.

“If you don’t want me to meet your parents, that’s fine. I understand. But please, find a better lie than that.”

Isak is stunned. He can’t believe she just said that. 

“I’m not lying.” He musters, still in shock at Emma’s words.

“Yes, you are. Either way, you would’ve told me earlier, or introduced me to them.”

“It’s not that simple, Em!” Isak finally steps out of his stupor. “Nobody knows about my mom! Only Jonas and Even, but no one else. It’s not an easy topic for me to talk about, god damn. Are you really that fucking stupid?”

And, well, the last part of the sentence is a bit harsh, but he needs to let it out. When Emma steps back, as if he just slapped her in the face, he realizes his words were mean. But he doesn’t take them back. He just stares at her angrily, breathes through his nose to calm himself down, and picks up his bag and leaves without any other words.

On his way to the tram station, he calls Jonas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who sticks around to see what happens in this universe! 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, where Isak finds himself having thoughts he thinks he shouldn't have, and a little bit more of insight on what's going on in his personal life. 
> 
> Don't hesitate to point out to me if there are mistakes, since English isn't my first language! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are more than welcome, as usual.   
I really enjoy and appreciate your feedbacks, it means a lot to me.
> 
> xx


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma apologizes, and Isak learns his mother will be released.

Isak hasn’t speak to Emma for four days, before she shows up at Isak’s locker at the end of the day. As she makes her way towards Isak’s locker, she looks sheepish and her lips form a thin line. She lifts her bag higher on her shoulder as she leans against the locker next to Isak’s.

“I’m sorry for not believing you.” She apologizes.

Isak freezes for a second, before continuing what he was doing. He’s not avoiding her or ignoring her properly. He just—he doesn’t care very much about Emma’s apology. Or at least, he’s relieved she came to her senses, but he doesn’t really mind that much about her in general, so her being all sad and pitiful doesn’t affect him like she probably intended to.

“I talked to Jonas and he said what you told me is true... I-I thought you just said that se you wouldn’t have to introduce me to your parents…” She admits, picking on a loose thread of scarf. 

Isak shrugs but doesn’t reply, concentrating on making the switch from the books in his bag to his locker. It’s not exactly like he cares about Emma’s opinion. He thought that, maybe if he admitted to someone else what was going on in his life, he would feel better about it. But no. He just wishes he never told her about his mother.

“Isak, I’m really sorry.” Emma says, her voice small and teary. “Are we good?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighs when he closes his locker and looks at her.

At that, Emma straightens and puts her arms around Isak’s neck, hugging him tightly. Isak hugs her back, though with less enthusiasm than she does. When he lifts up his head, he sees Even across the hallways and feels his heart skip a beat. Isak just remembers he was supposed to meet with Even after school to hang out. Even is walking his way but he still hasn’t noticed Isak yet, so Isak quickly gets out of Emma’s embrace.

“Vilde told me there’s another kosegruppa meeting tomorrow. We could go together and then go back to my place after that. My parents won’t be home tomorrow night. You could sleep over.” Emma suggests, a small smirk on her face.

It’s not like Isak doesn’t want to go, but he already had other plans with the boys. He tries not to sound like a complete dickhead, but the words are lost in his mouth.

“Uh…” Isak looks up at Even again.

Even lifts his head up from his phone in his hands and they lock eyes. He smiles at Isak and slows his pace, waiting politely for him to end his conversation. Isak thinks quickly, trying to find a solution. Maybe he could skip the kosegruppa meeting to grab dinner with his friends, and then go to Emma after that.

“I already have plans with the boys, but I could come sleep at yours.” Isak replies without looking away from Even. “I’ll text you when I’ll be on my way. I have to go.” He announces, adjusting his snapback on his head.

Emma doesn’t seem to notice Isak’s strange behaviors, so she just acquiesces with a smile and says goodbye, walking off probably towards her tram stop. Isak starts walking in Even’s direction, and Even meets him in the middle. Even’s smile is a bit brighter than it was seconds ago, after Emma disappears from their sights, but so does Isak’s. When Even’s gaze drops back on Isak’s face again, Isak feels his knees wobble.

Those eyes. Those damn eyes. He could drown in them, always going deeper and deeper in Even’s ocean eyes.

“Halla.” Even greets him warmly.

“Hei.” Isak smiles back at him.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

***

Isak and Even are in Even’s room, sprawled on the floor with textbooks in their laps and a pizza box between them. Isak knows he could have invited Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi, but Even didn’t, so he rejoices in being alone in Even’s company. They always seem to bond so easily, and to connect on another kind of level from Isak and his friends. Isak can be more himself when he’s with Even, without the fear of being judge by his friends or feeling like he should act a certain way.

At some point during their study session, Even gets tired of his position and lies on his back, his head falls on Isak’s thighs, and he stretches his long, infinite legs. Isak’s free hand flies automatically to Even’s soft hair, untangling them gently. Even closes his eyes and hums appreciatively and, well, Isak freezes, his hand only an inch from Even’s scalp.

“Hey, why’d you stop?” Even complains, opening his eyes straight away.

“Sorry. I just—“

Isak’s mind is racing. He didn’t realize what he was doing until Even’s noise. And fuck, that was a hot sound. It probably wasn’t intentional from Even, but it did something in Isak’s stomach, like a soft flutter or some shit. Their position was so natural, so casual. Isak smiles down at Even, and is about to resume his movement when the sound of his phone buzzing on the floor next to him catches his attention. When his dad’s name appears on the screen, Isak mumbles an apology to Even. He slides his phone open, and he thinks he probably should push Even away from him to take the call, but he’s too comfortable to mind Even prying on his phone call.

“Yep?” Isak picks up the phone.

“Isak?” Terje sounds surprised.

And, well, Isak doesn’t normally pick up the phone when his dad calls. He doesn’t even know why he did so just now, so it makes sense that his dad is a little bit taken aback.

“I just got a call from the hospital.” Terje finally says, his voice normal again.

“OK?” There is no edge to it, no worry or anger tone, so Isak doesn’t panic immediately. He’s just curious as to know why his dad would call him to inform that the hospital called.

“They said your mom probably will be released next week.” Terje announces. “Her treatment is going well so far, and she hasn’t had any crisis in three weeks. Her behaviors seem normal, so the nurses say if everything is clear until next week, they’ll release her. They’ll send an assistant for the first few days, and a rehab specialist.”

Isak freezes, his breath catches in his throat, and Even must sense something is up, because he lifts his entire body and sits straight next to Isak. When Isak is being silent for too long, he puts a hand on Isak’s knee to calm him down.

“Wow.” Isak finally breathes out. “That’s great.”

“Yeah…” His voice trails off. “Listen, I won’t be able to pick her up, I have an important meeting outside Oslo that weekend, so if you could… Take care of it, that’d be nice.”

Isak huffs in annoyance. Of fucking course, his dad won’t be able to take care of that. Since he left Isak and his mom alone, he never took care of anything. Isak isn’t surprised at all, though his heart pinches a little at the thought of having to pick his mom up from the hospital. He only visited her twice since school has begun, and he knows he should visit her more often, but he’s busy, and he’s scared. He’s scared he might fuck things up, or that she won’t recognize him again. Even after Even’s recommendation, he couldn’t muster up the courage to go see her that often. Things were OK, though. She seemed almost normal and was happy to see him when he went. So maybe—maybe things were going to be OK after all.

After assuring his dad he’ll take care of everything, Isak hangs up and let his phone fall on the carpet under him. Even’s hand is still on Isak’s knee, reassuring and calming. Isak turns his head to look at Even.

“My mom probably will be released next week.” He announces, though he’s pretty sure Even heard it already.

Even nods.

“How do you feel about it?” He asks, his smile hesitant.

“Good, I think?” Isak scrunches up his nose. “I don’t know. That—that’s great.”

“Yeah. It means her medication is working and that she’s having the right support she needs.” Even indicates him.

“Yeah.” Isak replies, still in shock, not believing the news. “I have to pick her up, my dad won’t be in town that weekend.”

“And that’s a problem because…?” Even asks.

“I don’t have my license. Or a car, for that matter. I don’t know if she’ll be OK to take the tram.” Isak announces, realizing that just now.

He grunts and drops his head in his hands, tugging at the end of his hair. They’re silent for a few moments, Isak just gathering his thoughts in silence, and Even next to him. He can’t see Even anymore, but he can feel him shuffle next to him and the next thing Isak hears is the sound of keys jiggling against each other. When he lifts up his head, he meets Even’s soft gaze.

“I can drive.” He proposes.

And, no. That can’t work. Isak can’t accept that kind of offer. Even is being too nice to him, too understanding and compassionate. That would be like taking advantage of him, and he tells him just that, feeling like a burden.

“Isak, you’re not a burden. I swear, I can drive you and your mom home, and all. I’d be more than happy to help. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have suggested it in the first place. And no—” Even interrupts Isak as he’s about to open his mouth to say something. “I won’t accept money.”

Isak huffs, amazed at how Even seems to read through him so easily. That’s disturbing. He rolls his eyes, but can’t help the small smile tug at his lips when he looks back at Even.

“Fine.” He says, defeated.

Even makes a little happy dance, and Isak laughs. When they finally settle back in their previous position, Even lying on the floor with his head on Isak’s thighs, and Isak’s hand in Even’s hair, their homework seem like the least interesting thing in the world.

“Thank you.” Isak says after a comfortable silence has settled between them.

“Anything for you.” Even smiles.

Even lifts an arm and replaces a strand curl behind Isak’s ear once again, but this time his hand brushes Isak’s cheek when he pulls out. And maybe his hand is being pulled out slower than it should, but Isak can’t find any thought to fight back the feeling growing inside his chest.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even prepare a 'welcome home' dinner for Isak's mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know why, or how, but I accidently switched to Even's POV somewhere during this chapter. Sorry 'bout that! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of the story so far in the comments! <3

On the next Wednesday, Even suggests to Isak while on the phone that he could make her a ‘welcome home dinner’ to which Isak agrees, but admits he’s not really fond of cooking. Even asks him what she likes to eat, or if there’s one restaurant she likes, and the fact that Isak doesn’t know the answer to any of these questions stresses him a little bit. He should know what she likes. It’s her _mom_. But then Even suggests they cook something really simple like pasta, and that he could help with the cooking while Isak tidies the house a little bit. And, yes, that could work. So they decide they’d go grocery shopping right after school on Friday, then Even will prepare the vegetables and the meat for the sauce while Isak cleans the common area. After that, they’ll go get Isak’s mother at the hospital and drive back home. The only thing Isak will have to do is heat up the sauce and put some water to boil for the pastas. Simple as that. When Even hangs up the phone, Isak’s cheeks hurt from smiling too much.

On Thursday, Isak doesn’t want his friends to think he’s ditching his friends for Emma yet again, so he mentions to Jonas that his mom will be released on Friday. He explains he has to pick her up at the hospital and that he wants to have dinner with her, so he wouldn’t be available that night, if ever the boys had plans. He doesn’t mention Even helping him, because that feels too personal, but he promises to text Jonas if something comes up and he needs his help. Jonas accepted the news with a crushing bear hug and a _‘that’s so great, bro’_. He feels a little relieved that Jonas takes the news so well, but he’s not surprised. Jonas always has his back, no matter what.

Telling Emma he can’t see her on Friday night is a little bit harder. He doesn’t really plan on staying with her mom all weekend long, but he prefers not to take the risk of Emma calling him nonstop while he’s being with his mother. He hasn’t seen his mom in a while, and while being scared of her reaction to coming back home, he still misses her more than he could tell, so he doesn’t want anyone to interrupt him, if possible. Isak tells her the truth straight away, telling her his mom is leaving the hospital on Friday and that he wants to spend some time alone with her. At first, she wants to be there to meet her and to be there for him, to support him, but Isak insists on being alone with her, and Emma doesn’t insist much more. She must realize how important it is for Isak, because she just wishes him good luck and kisses him before Isak leaves his locker.

When he steps out of the school, he receives a message text from Even, telling him where to meet him. Even has his parent’s car for the night, so they can go to the grocery store and to the psychiatric hospital. His feet drag him fast to the parking area, and his heartbeat is a little bit frantic in its cage, though Isak doesn’t know if it’s because he’s seeing Even or if it’s because he’s going to spend the evening with his mom. Either way, he exhales loudly and smiles brightly at Even when he sits in the passenger seat. He puts his backpack on the back seat next to Even’s and turns around to fasten his belt and looks ahead of him.

“Ready?” Even quirks a brow.

Even asks that as if they were going on a weekend trip or something, but really they’re just going to the grocery store to pick up some vegetables and breads for the dinner, and also maybe some basic things like eggs and milk, in case his mom might need it during the weekend.

“Yeah, let’s do this.” Isak replies.

***

Even shuts the car’s engine down when he parks the car in front of the all-too-familiar building where he spent most of his summer in. After taking in the familiar brick façade and the windows, memories of this place flooding his brain, he looks to the side at Isak. He notices the younger boy seems tormented. His breathing is a little short, his body tense.

“Hey, Isak?” Even breathes out softly.

“Uh?” Isak snaps out of his thoughts.

“Do you want me to go inside with you or do you want me to wait outside?”

Isak hums, debating his options. Finally, he says Even he’d rather have him waiting outside, not to freak his mom right away. The older boy nods, understanding. He replaces some of Isak’s wild curls in order and flattens Isak’s shirt’s collar against his collarbones. When he looks up at Isak, Isak is already staring at him with his mouth agape. He shakes himself out of his stupor when his eyes meet Even’s and clears his throat.

“I-I’ll be back.” Isak finally says, opening the car door.

“Hey, Isak.” Even calls his name before he steps outside of the car. When Isak turns around again, he smiles at him. “Everything will be alright.”

Isak nods and smiles shyly, then steps out of the car. He walks the few meters before reaching the steps and then opens the front door.

Even knows it will take some minutes before Isak and his mother will get out. There are some papers that need to be signed, and the nurse probably will tell Isak some important facts about his mother’s medication and all the procedures to do when she’ll get back home. If Even’s assumptions are right, a nurse will be coming visiting her the next day, and then on Monday a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist will come see her and guide her through her reinsertion to the society. Even didn’t need the rehabilitation specialist, but a nurse did come home after he got his leaving order from the hospital, to make sure he took his medication and helping his parents to know what medication he should take and what to do if a new episode was coming up. Even isn’t stupid. After what happened last spring, after what happened to Bakka, the last thing Even wants is to slip again. So he takes his medication every day, and talks to his therapist every Tuesday after school. Even thinks he’s feeling pretty good recently. He still feels bad about last spring and struggles with that part of his past, but his therapist helps him a lot and he feels like he might move on, in the near future.

Even is lost in his thoughts when the door to the backseat opens on the passenger side of the vehicle. He turns around to find a woman with the same blonde curls as Isak, though hers are longer and a little bit splits at the ends. Her eyes are more grey than green, but Even definitely can sees the resemblance. While Isak puts his mother’s suitcase in the trunk of the car, he smiles politely to the woman and greets her with a handshake.

“Hello Mrs. Valtersen, my name’s Even.”

“Hi.” She smiles politely. “You can call me Marianne.” She introduces herself just as Isak plumps down back into his seat next to Even.

The ride back to Marianne’s home is a bit awkward. Isak and Marianne exchange some mundane questions, and Even tries his best not to pry on them, though it’s hard to ignore a conversation that is being exchanged right next to his ear in a small, enclosed vehicle. Luckily for him, the ride isn’t very long, and when he parks in Isak’s house driveway, he gets out of the car and opens the trunk.

“I could’ve taken it.” Isak says, though he’s appreciative of Even’s gesture.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” Even smiles warmly. “Just don’t burn the pasta.” He winks.

“Pasta?” Marianne interrupts them, eyes glistening.

Isak turns to his mom, a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah, Even helped me cook. Or, well, more precisely he cooked the sauce, while I cleaned the house.” He turns to Even, a proud smile on his face. “We wanted to prepare you a welcome home dinner, but you know me… I don’t cook.”

“Is that true?” She asks, clearly touched by the attention.

Even nods.

“You should join us for dinner.” She says, like inviting a stranger to her house for dinner is the most normal, obvious thing to do.

“Mom.” Isak intervenes, a little bit panicked.

“Oh, no. It’s fine. I don’t want to impose.” Even replies quickly.

“No no no. I insist.” Marianne says. “Isak said you cooked dinner, and you just drove me home. Inviting you over for dinner is the least I can do to thank you.”

Even bits his lower lip and looks at Isak, his cheeks blushing a tiny bit. He needs Isak’s approval to know his presence won’t be unwanted, but Isak just blushes as much as Even. Eventually, Isak nods almost imperceptibly, and Isak’s mom is looking at Even with so much warmth in her eyes, he doesn’t really have any other choice but to accept.

“OK, then.” Even smiles.

“Great. Let’s go inside, then.” Marianne clasps a hand on each boy’s shoulder and leads them towards the house. “I’m starving.”

Even closes the trunk of his car, locks the doors, and follows them inside, carrying Marianne’s suitcase. Once inside, they all take off their shoes and their coats, putting them in the closet next to the door. The smell of the sauce simmering on the oven is filling the entire house, and it smells delicious. Marianne hums appreciatively and compliments Even already. Isak smiles so brightly, making his way to the living room. He takes the suitcase’s handle from Even’s hands and puts it next to the sofa. 

“I’m gonna put some water to boil for the pasta. You two should stay here and talk. I’m sure you have lots of things to tell each other.” Even suggests, pointing the kitchen.

Isak cocks his head on the side, silently praying Even not to leave him alone, but when Marianne tells him it’s a good idea and that it’s really nice of him, Isak turns to her and smiles softly.

Even makes himself comfortable and walks to the kitchen, takes a pot out of the cupboard, puts water in it and puts it on the oven. He mixes the sauce, to make sure there are no lumps in the sauce, then adds the pasta to the water when it boils. He also puts a loaf of bread in the oven to accompany the meal. While he waits for the pasta to cook, he sends a quick message to his parents to let them know he’s having dinner at a friend’s and that he’ll come back home later. Four minutes before everything is ready, he notices Isak and Marianne are still talking in the living room, so he decides to set the table. There isn’t much he can do, but he wants to make Isak happy and by the tone of his voice, he seems almost as relaxed as when he was in Even’s room the other day. He finds three plates and three glasses in the cupboards, and takes utensils from the top drawer. He even finds a clean pitcher over the fridge and uses it to put fresh, cold water in it and sets it on the table. When the timer on his phone rings off, he hurries to the oven and drains the water out of the noodles, takes the bread out of the oven, then sets everything on the table. He smiles to himself before heading back to the living room where he finds Isak hugging his mother. He clears his throat, and when they look up at him, he tells them everything is ready.

Isak gasps when he enters the dining room. The table is all set, the food looks and smells delicious, and Even’s shy smile is unbearable. Isak wants to smooth the small frown away from Even’s face with kisses, and—

“Wow Even, that looks so good!” Marianne interrupts Isak’s thoughts as she takes a seat.

And it’s not like Isak expected to sit next to her, but since there are only three places set, it’s kind of shaped like a triangle and Marianne took the chair from across the two others. So Isak has to sit next to Even. He tries not to panic inside, but he’s a bit unsettled. Though, it probably makes more sense that way. Even is Isak’s friends, so sitting next to him shouldn’t be a big deal.

They sit and fill their plates. Marianne asks Even what he wants to study in college, what he likes to do, and compliments him about his cooking skills. It’s just pastas, but Isak has to admit that these are the best pastas he’s have eaten in a while—if not forever. The sauce is smooth, the noodles perfectly cooked, and the bread is toasted enough to be crunchy but not to hurt the roof of their mouth. Isak has almost emptied his plate when Marianne asks Even how they met, and when Even looks at Isak to see if he should lie, Isak just shrugs.

“Actually, we met at the hospital, the first time I visited you.” Isak admits.

“Really?” She says. “I knew I saw your face before.” She turns to Even.

“Yeah, I saw you too.” Even smiles at her.

Isak shouldn’t be surprised. It was a small psychiatric hospital, and Even is so hard to miss with his beautiful smile, and his feel-good vibe. He never imagined their path crossing before tonight, but Isak can see it happening. He can imagine now Even telling stories to other patients in the living room, or eating breakfast with the man who tried to commit suicide after his wife died in a car accident two years before. Even lights up the fucking world, Isak is pretty sure that his mother thought the same thing when she first saw him, even though she wasn’t all there in her head. It’s impossible to have a single bad thing to say about Even.

“Why were you admitted? If I may ask.” She adds politely, not wanting to intrude his personal life.

“Bipolar disorder.” Even confesses after a few seconds. “I’ve been diagnosed when I was thirteen, but had a pretty bad episode this spring.”

“Oh.”

Isak’s stomach drops at that. He’s scared his mom will think he’s not enough, or that it’s too dangerous. But she just smiles empathically at Even, puts a hand over his on the table, and tells him that he’s very brave, and that she’s grateful for him trusting her enough to tell her his secret—if that’s a secret. Even nods, because not many people around him know about his family and Isak, so he’s happy to come clean with her as well. Isak lets a small relieve sigh escape his lips, and resume eating. After that, Even and Marianne chats animatedly, and they talk with so much ease, like they’ve been having dinner the three of them all their life.

And, maybe in another universe they have.

Maybe in an alternate universe, Even and Isak are together and his mother isn’t ill, and having dinner on a Friday night is the most mundane, ordinary thing for them. Isak looks at Even’s profile when he tells his mother a story about a movie he did, and the laugh escaping Marianne’s lips is so blissful. Isak stares at Even for the rest of the dinner, in awe with the boy who cooked them dinner and drove them home, and had the courage to tell his mother about his own mental illness.

Isak is so relaxed. He realizes he’s the most relaxed and peaceful he’s even been in months, if not years. The warm feeling inside his chest and his belly is so comforting, Isak wants to stay in that moment a little bit longer.

***

When dinner is over, it’s already night outside. Marianne shoos them out, assuring them she’ll take care of the dishes in the morning after the nurse will visit her. Isak tells her he’ll try to call and visit more often, and hugs her goodbye. When Marianne opens up her arms to Even, his smiles reaches his eyes as he leans in the embrace.

Isak and Even put their shoes and coats back on, exit the house, and Isak lingers a little bit in the driveway, not sure what the next step is.

“So hum, thank you for tonight.” Isak begins.

“What are you doing?”

“What?” He asks, confused at Even’s question.

“Why are you not getting in the car?”

Isak realizes he’s meters away from the car.

“Uh…” He coughs. “I’m going to the tram station at the end of the street.” 

“No, you’re not.” Even laughs lightly.

“Yes, I am?” Isak replies, even more confused.

Even looks up at the night sky and sighs.

“Isak, you idiot. Get in the car.” Even grunts. “It’s late, and it’s freezing outside. The next tram isn’t gonna be here before fifteen minutes, and I have a car. Get in the car, I’ll drive you.”

“Even, you don’t have to.” Isak arguments.

“I know. But I want to. Please, get in the car.” 

And, yes. Isak is getting in the car. But it’s only because Even is right. It’s freezing outside, and Isak doesn’t want to wait for the tram in the cold, because he’s stupid and forgot his damn beanie at the kollektiv. It’s certainly not because he’s dying to spend more time with Even, to spend every minute possible in his presence. When he sits in the passenger seats, he sighs at the comforting heat of the car. He buckles up his seatbelt and turns to Even who’s grinning at him.

“Shut up.” Isak mumbles.

“I didn’t say anything.” Even laughs.

Even drives off the driveway and onto the road, towards the part of the city where Isak’s apartment is located. But before he even reaches the highway, Even has to make a stop to put some gas in the car. And ten minutes later, Even needs to stop to get coffee and asks if Isak wants one too. So they get coffee and wanders around the city a little bit—much more—longer than necessary before finally reaching Isak’s apartment building just before midnight.

Even parks the car in front of the building and shuts the engine down. They sit there in silence, contemplating the light snow falling down. There are only a few school weeks left before the Christmas break, and the weather is slowly getting colder and colder. Isak can’t wait for the Christmas break. He needs a break from school, from Emma because she’ll visit her grandfather all break long, and he desperately needs to sleep like twenty hours a day. He just can’t wait to be alone in his room and to sleep all day.

Isak fidgets with his now-empty cup between his fingers, and looks up at an illuminated window. He can’t see inside because of the curtains, but he can see two shadows hugging and kissing, and Isak bites his lips down. He wishes he could do that too. Well, technically he could. He has a girlfriend. But even kissing Emma doesn’t feel as satisfying as it did when they first started dating. Since Halloween, Isak feels like there’s a part of him that doesn’t work anymore. He struggles to get hard, most of the time he doesn’t enjoy sex with Emma as he did this summer, and every time his phones pings with a new message from Emma, he pretends to be busy so he doesn’t have to respond. Isak knows he should end things with Emma before she gets too involved with him, before she gets hurt. But he can’t seem to do just that. He needs her, in a certain twisted kind of way. He needs his friends to know he’s still it with the girls, that he’s more successful than they are in love and with sex. But the truth is hitting him up in that right moment.

He’s not into Emma. He never has been, if he’s being honest with himself. And he’s pretty sure he’s never been into girls at all. Sure, he made out with a lots of them at parties, but most of the time he was so drunk he couldn’t even remember their names, and it was because his friends pushed him in the back.

Isak is not into girls.

Isak is into Even.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak thinks Even is having an episode and asks Magnus for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is a bit short and frantic with Isak witnessing Even's bipolar for the first time. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not familiar with bipolar disorder, but I'm trying my hardest to depict it as best as I can. 
> 
> Leave me your thoughts in the comments!  
xx

December arrives sooner than Isak thought it would, the Christmas break being just around the corner, and Isak is stressed. So. Fucking. Stressed.

First of all, the fall term of school is almost over, which means Isak is overflowed with exams and school projects. He can’t see the end of it, and there’s only two weeks left of school before the break. Sure, he finally convinced Emma to let him study with Sana because it was more logic and efficient that way.

Second of all, the fact that his crush on Even hasn’t died yet only adds a weird shadow over his relationship with Emma. Isak knows he should break up with her. He _knows_. But he can’t. He’s afraid his feelings towards Even are just temporary, or that they aren’t reciprocated, and he can’t stand the idea of being rejected. He also can’t tell anyone about his feelings, because no one knows he’s gay. Jonas would understand, Isak is pretty sure of it, but it’s still too early. Too stressful. And it’s not like he could talk about it with Even himself. He just can’t.

And finally, the Christmas break is stressing Isak because he knows his mom expect him to come with her at church, and that his dad probably will want to have dinner with him or something, just to make pretend that everything between them is fine, when really, it isn’t. In the worst scenario Isak can imagine, his dad would invite himself for dinner at his mom’s house, and they’d fight all over again, like when Isak was younger.

Marianne’s social rehabilitation process seems to work fine, at least. She still can’t go back to work, but she does voluntary work for the florist down the street where she lives, and that’s a nice, easy start. She helps the owner of the shop, an old lady whose knees hurt too much to stand all day long, three days a week. She makes flowers arrangements and waters the plants in the shop when needed. Isak only had the opportunity to visit her once since she was released, but they exchange some message texts, and he doesn’t find anything suspicious or nothing to worry about. She once asked him about Even, to know how the boy was doing, and… Well, to be honest, Isak doesn’t know.

Even has been a little bit weird lately. Isak has been so busy with school that he didn’t notice it at first, but one night, Even sent him a text message at three in the morning, asking him if he wanted McDonald’s. Isak was still up because he was stressing over his chemistry lab he had to finish, but he decided he needed a break. When he met Even at McDonald’s twenty minutes later, the table in front of Even was loaded. There were at least fifteen burgers on the table, and Even seemed full of energy. Even always had a bubbly energy and talked animatedly, but this time seemed different. He talked so quickly, and he jumped from an idea to another without any warnings, Isak had trouble to keep up with the conversation. He vaguely understood something about renting a cabin in the mountains, just the two of them, and how they would be sipping cocoa and eat cheese toasties, and oh—how about going skiing in the Alps? They should _totally_ go skiing in the Alps!—and that was then that Isak realized what was happening.

Even was having an episode, Isak was pretty sure of it. He recognized some syndromes, but he didn’t know much about it. When Isak finally convinced Even to go home, Isak returned to the kollektiv with a pounding heart in his chest. That was the first time he saw one of Even’s episodes, and he didn’t know what to do. He tried to look up on internet what to do, or how to help, but he was so helpless. He couldn’t go to sleep that night, so when the clock hit seven AM, Isak thought he waited long enough not to wake up the only person he could talk about it with. He dialed the numbers on his phone so quickly he had to try it a second time because his thumb caught on too many digits at once. When he put the phone to his ear and heard the ringtones, he was shaking.

“Hello?” A raspy voice came through the receptor.

“Magnus? I need your help.” Isak breathes out as soon as his friend picked up.

***

“So your mom is schizophrenic, Even is bipolar, and you met him at the hospital where your mom was admitted to?” Magnus recaps, putting his mug of coffee down.

Isak asked Magnus if they could meet for coffee before going to school. He really needed to talk to someone who was familiar with that illness, and Magnus’ mother was bipolar as well, so he thought that maybe Magnus could help him understand Even a little bit more. He wanted to help, but didn’t know how. Maybe Magnus did.

“Yeah…” Isak sighs, feeling a weight being taken off his chest.

Revealing parts of his personal life to Magnus was a big step to take, one he didn’t think he was ready for, but Magnus listened to Isak with so much empathy and soft hums, he only stopped talking when he needed to breathe in. Talking to Magnus was easy. Isak isn’t sure why he didn’t talk about his mother before today, but he’s relieved to know now that there are no more secrets between them. Well, no. There was still one, big secret Isak was keeping for himself, but he still wasn’t ready to reveal that one yet.

“I think Even is having an episode. I met him at McDonald’s this morning, and he was…” Isak is lost for words.

“Acting weird?” Magnus tries.

“Yeah.” Isak nods. “He talked so fast, and he ordered fifteen fucking burgers, and he wanted us to rent a cabin in the mountain and go skiing in the Alps, or something.”

“Hm. That’s a lot of burgers, but I’m not sure to understand where’s the problem in going skiing?” Magnus asks, taking a sip from his coffee.

“Bro, we’re all broke ass students. I’m struggling paying for my rent and my groceries, and Even broke his favorite camera two weeks ago when he tried photographing something in the tram.” Isak informs him. “The cost to repair it is enormous, I doubt he still has enough money for a ski trip in the Alps.” 

Magnus hums, thoughtful. He agrees with Isak, thinking that Even probably is having an episode. When Isak asks his friend if he knows what could’ve triggered it, Magnus’ answer comes quickly.

“Well, if he’s been drinking a lot and smoking weed, that certainly didn’t help. And sometimes, alcohol and medication don’t mix well. I’m not sure, but you said Even has medications to take, yeah?”

“Yeah…” Isak mumbles, starting to see where his friend is going.

“And I’m pretty sure I saw him drinking at a few parties.” Magnus continues.

Isak only nods, his voice caught between his lungs and his throat.

“Then either he stopped taking his meds, or he mixed it with alcohol and weed, and it triggered his brain.” Magnus shrugs, like it’s the most evident thing in the world.

And, yeah, it kind of is. Isak never thought about it, but now that Magnus mentions it, he realizes Even had been drinking during parties, and they smoked week just the other day in Even’s room. Isak never picked up on this, because for him it was normal to drink and smoke at parties, but for Even, it was dangerous. He should’ve known. Isak feels his heart beating in his throat, in his ears. All he can think about is how he subconsciously pushed him towards it. He’s so deep in his thoughts that when Magnus snaps his fingers in front of Isak’s eyes, he snaps to reality.

“Uh?”

“We should go, school starts in fifteen minutes.” Magnus tells him.

“Oh, yeah.” 

***

When they finally reach the schoolyard, Even, Jonas and Mahdi are already on their bench, talking. Or, Even is talking, and the boys are listening to him with wide eyes and fake smiles. Isak’s heart clenches at the sight, not sure what is happening. Magnus puts a gentle hand on Isak’s shoulder and presses it comfortingly. When Even sees them, his eyes light up and his smile reaches new heights Isak hasn’t seen yet on his face.

“Isak, you’re here!” Even exclaims, his voice loud and higher than it usually is.

“Uh… Yeah.” He looks at Jonas, but the look his friends throws him doesn’t help.

“I was just telling the boys we’re going to the Alps for Christmas and that I already looked up for cabins.” Even tells him, and—

“What?”

“Yeah, when I left, I googled cabins near where I want to take you.”

Isak looks again at Jonas, and his eyes are so wide Isak thinks they might pop out of their sockets. He breathes in quietly, trying to keep his calm, but it’s so damn difficult with Even looking at him and suddenly putting an arm around his waist.

“I wanted to show you the cabin first, before making a deposit. I’ll send you the link later today, I just can’t wait!” Even jumps on the spot, shaking Isak as he does.

Isak is frozen. And not just because the cold wind hit his face and peeks through his coat, but because Even just hugged him and kissed him on the cheek nonchalantly. In front of the entire schoolyard. Not that many people are looking at them anyway, but Jonas, and Mahdi exchange a concerned look. Magnus just smiles at Even and nods his head like it’s a fucking good plan, and Isak wants to die. Isak never thought it would be such a relief to hear the school bell rings the beginning of classes, but in that instant, he shimmies out of Even’s embrace and rushes to class, leaving behind him a bumping Even and his concerned friends.

Isak prays all the gods and heavenly creatures that Emma hasn’t seen him with Even that morning. He also prays for the strength to cope with Even’s moods and his friends’ comments. When Isak and Jonas have class together in second period, he tries to come up with an excuse to dismiss Even’s weird, wild idea of going on a ski trip.

“Like, seriously, have you ever seen me skiing?” Isak snorts. “Come on. That’s a stupid idea he had this morning and when he’ll realize I’m not a sporty person, he’ll change his mind.”

“Uh, if you say so…” Jonas frowns.

He doesn’t add anything, and Isak is thankful for that, but also stressed because he knows Jonas knows something is up with Even. Isak just wishes he doesn’t have to explain to him about Even, because he doesn’t know how he would react, or if Even wants people to know about his bipolar disorder.

By the end of the day, Isak is restless. He spends all day thinking about Even, about how he could try and tell him not to reserve that cabin, without sounding too bitchy about it. He’s a little bit scared of confronting him about it, because he doesn’t know how Even will react, or if he didn’t wait for Isak’s approval and already gave his deposit to the cabin’s owner. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Even already paid for it. There’s no way he’s going to spend his Christmas break in a cabin in the mountain with Even and skiing in the Alps. That’s the stupidest idea ever.

Honestly, he’s more than grateful for today being Friday, because it means that when he’ll get home at the end of classes, he’ll just crash on his bed and fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillows. He knows Eskild has a date tonight, that Noora will spend the weekend at her boyfriend’s place, and that Linn visits her family for the weekend, so he’ll have the flat to himself. He just can’t wait for it.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During his manic episode, Even shows up at Isak's apartment at 3AM and makes him feel good. So, so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but Isak's mind is a mess right now and Even is manic, so nothing make sense right now.  
Hope you like it anyway! 
> 
> /!\ Smut scene between the lines, so please skip it if you don't want to read it! /!\

It’s three in the morning when Isak is being awaken by his phone buzzing on the nightstand. Isak’s mind is foggy and disoriented. He doesn’t even remember when he fell asleep, but it probably was shortly after he came back from school at the end of the day. He was still fully dressed, his backpack lying on the floor right next to his desk. Isak looks at the screen reluctantly, fearing his mom is having another episode and is calling him to tell him about God or some weird shit she used to believe in, but it’s Even’s name that appears on the screen. Isak picks up immediately.

“Even?” His voice is raspy and dry from sleeping.

“Hi, Isak! Is there any chance you’re at your place right now?”

“Fy faen, Even. It’s three in the morning. Of course I’m home.” Isak groans.

“Good, so you can open the door!” Even replies, his voice high pitch and too fast.

“What?”

“Open the door.” Even repeats.

Isak is at the door in less than twenty seconds, unlocking it and opening it at the speed of light, considering his sleepy mind. And, sure enough, Even is standing there in front of him, only wearing the same jeans he wore yesterday and a light grey shirt. The dark circles under his eyes tells Isak Even hasn’t been sleeping a lot lately, and Isak notices the glistening of melted snow in Even’s hair, the thin layer of snow on his shoulders, and Even’s cheeks were a deep rosy color. Isak wonders how many time he spent outside in the fucking cold, without a coat on. Even always have at least three layers of coats and a scarf large enough it could be a blanket. Even is rocking on the ball of his heels, waiting for Isak to let him in. And, because Isak is worried about Even, he lets him in without a second thought. Never in a million years he would let Even go back in the cold of December without a coat on. It’s still dark outside, and Isak is pretty sure Even is maniac, and he just—he’s worried. He’s so worried.

He steps aside, letting Even walk in the room. He closes the door, locks it, and walks towards the couch where a throw blanket is sitting on the back of the couch. Isak takes it and throws it around Even’s shoulder, wraps him like a child. He takes his hands and winces at the cold, but doesn’t let go of it. He walks him back to his room, guides him through the dark and sits him on his bed. At least, Isak sits on the bed and tries to tug on Even’s hand so he would sit next to him, but he’s too agitated. He’s pacing in Isak’s room, and even though it’s almost pitch black, there’s a small ray of the street light that comes in through a crack in the curtains. Isak can see Even walking in circle, pacing like a trapped lion in a cage. He’s not sure why Even is here, and Isak can’t even have a second to think straight. Just as he’s about to open his mouth and ask why is Even here, the tall boy speaks.

“So I was looking at cabins in Switzerland for our ski trip, but then I thought we could actually go to France. It’s known as the most romantic place in the world, and the weather seems nice at this time of the year. Not as much as in the spring, but warmer than here. And we could ski there, there are mountains over there too, and visit the Eiffel tour for Christmas. Oh my god, we should totally kiss at the top!” Even exclaims with a sudden grin on his face.

Even is still rambling about going to Paris and all the places they could visit during their trip, not letting Isak a single opportunity to butt into the conversation, and, really, it all seem somehow promising, but Isak is frozen. Not because of the cold, or the fact that Even is planning a trip he never agreed to, but by the fact that Even just said that they should kiss at the top of the Eiffel tower. And that single piece of information made Isak’s brain short-circuiting.

“Kiss at the top of the Eiffel tower?” Isak finally asks, stunned.

“Of course!” Even beams, turning around in a heartbeat.

He walks in front of Isak and occupies the space between Isak’s legs, crouches down and puts both of his freezing hands on Isak’s cheeks. There’s something in Even’s eyes Isak can’t decipher. It resembles certitude, but Isak doesn’t understand why Even would think that, or where the idea came from. Isak never mentioned anything about his feelings, or let him believe there was any. Sure, Isak was more comfortable and free around him, but he never said Even he liked him.

“Kissing you has been on my mind for so long.” Even says, like it’s a normal conversation for two teenage boys to have at three in the morning. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so, so long. And I know you want it too.” Even adds, and Isak’s breath catches in his throat.

Isak feels like a deer caught in headlights. What the hell is happening right now? Isak can feel his cheeks burning under Even’s hand, and the intensity of Even’s gaze is not helping him to keep his calm. Isak gulps loudly.

“Even, what are you talking about?” Isak asks, his voice small and fearful.

“At that Halloween party, when I kissed that girl. You remember?” He asks.

Isak nods silently. His whole body stills, his heart beats too loud in his ears.

“I know you were looking at me. I know you wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss you. But you were with Emma that night, so you couldn’t. But it’s OK. Emma isn’t here right now, so we can kiss.” Even says, looking intently at Isak. 

* * *

Even wets his lips and looks down at Isak’s mouth, wonder and adoration in his eyes, as if Isak was Even’s favorite sort of cake, and he couldn’t wait any longer to taste him. Even leans in so fast, Isak can’t react. Before he has the time to retract, to back off, Even is crashing their mouths together, and Isak feels like he can’t breathe anymore. He shuts his eyes close, and tries to keep his calm.

Both his heart and his stomach fall to the ground, and even though Isak was dying to kiss Even in his wildest dreams, something feels wrong. Isak feels like he wasn’t ready. He didn’t want his first kiss with a boy being rushed, or fueled by a manic episode. He tries to push Even away, his hands on his chest.

“Even.” Isak pleas.

The crack in his voice must have sent Even the wrong message, because the older boy pushes Isak farther on the bed, hovering over him, and kisses him again, deeply and desperately. Isak’s head hits the headboard, shooting stars into Isak’s vision. Isak whimpers, caught off guard. Even’s hands are traveling all over his body, and when Even’s tongue licks at the bottom lip of Isak, Isak opens his mouth as a reflex, and their tongue meet in a messy, heated dance. Even’s grip on Isak is tight, one hand pinning his hip down on the mattress, the other one lost in Isak’s curls at the nape of his neck. And when Even tugs on Isak’s hair, he loses it. He melts into the kiss, even though his brain is screaming at him. Screaming that this isn’t right, that Even is only kissing him because of his manic episode, that he doesn’t want him like that. Screaming that Isak is still dating Emma, and so many other reasons why this should be wrong. But somehow, a twisted part of his brain shows him how right it feels.

Isak’s heart is thundering in its cage, all his entire body is on fire. There’s not a single inch of his skin that isn’t lit up by Even’s touch, that doesn’t crave the warmth of Even. His breath is in sync with Even, and he can’t help the moan escape his throat, echoing into Even’s mouth. At that, Even grunts, bucking his hip into Isak’s, and—Isak’s body is trembling. Even’s dick is hard like a rock against his thigh, the weight of Even’s body heavenly pressing him onto the bed. Isak is sure his body will be imprinted on the mattress. The feeling of Even’s dick against him makes his own cock twitch in pleasure. He can feel Even’s erratic hands tracing every inch of Isak’s sides. When Even finally detaches his lips from Isak’s, it is so his mouth could trail kisses down his cheek, his jaw, behind his ear and down his neck, towards Isak’s collarbone. The touch of Even’s lips against his skin lights up tiny fires inside Isak, and he feels his whole body being shaken by a goosebumps so hard, he thinks he might pass out.

The next second, Even is pushing himself up on his knees, taking off his shirt, revealing his pale, bare chest to Isak. It’s the first time Isak sees Even without a shirt on, and as Even extends his hand to Isak to take off his shirt too, Isak notices scars on Even’s wrists. Multiple ones. Isak only has a second to react, before he’s being pulled up, his shirt taken off effortlessly, and Even’s mouth finds its way back to Isak’s body.

“What’s on your wrists?” Isak asks, feeling his eyes drooping close because of the feel of Even’s lips on him.

“Nothing.” Even replies against his shoulder, nibbling at it.

Even lowers down on Isak, his tongue leaving traces behind. When he reaches Isak’s nipple, he licks it with just the right amount of pressure, sending chills to Isak’s neck. He then bites it playfully, while his left hand reaches for the other one, toying with it. Isak presses his lips firmly together and exhales loudly through his nose, trying not to let a moan escape his mouth, but he remembers no one else is in the apartment. Eskild must have spent the night at his date’s place, and Noora and Linn aren’t there either. And, even though Isak knows he should stop Even, he’s feeling totally helpless and so vulnerable under Even’s touch.

Even lowers down again, nuzzling his nose in Isak’s happy trail just underneath his bellybutton, his tongue licking at the limit of Isak’s jeans.

“I want to make you feel good, baby.” Even says, giving Isak’s belly a generous amount of soft kisses. “_So_ good.”

And, yeah, Isak can’t deny his own body-talk right now. He can’t help it if he’s a teenage boy who hasn’t had any good sex in a while. His dick is now fully hard, and he can feel a leaking pearl of cum straining his boxers. He feels too tight in his jeans, and Even grins knowingly. Even’s mouth goes back to Isak’s neck, just under his ear, but his hands stays down where they are.

“Do you want me to make you feel good?” Even asks, voice low and deep.

He palms his hand over Isak’s dick, putting pressure on it, making Isak groans urgently and bucking his hips.

“Even, fuck.” Isak hisses through gritted teeth.

“Say it.” Even orders, looking straight into Isak’s green eyes. “Say you want me to make you feel good, baby.”

“Y-yeah. Yeah. Fuck, yeah.” Isak stutters. “Touch me.”

At that, Even crashes his mouth against Isak’s once more, but this time Isak responds to the kiss with just as much desperation as Even does, their tongue dancing in a frantic circle.

Even pops Isak’s jeans button and zips it down in seconds, tugging at it with both of his hands, along with Isak’s boxer. His dick plops against his belly, the time Even frees Isak’s legs from his jeans, and then he wraps a hand around it. Isak shudders at the feeling, his eyes closing shut on their own accord. Even repositions himself lower between Isak’s legs, and before Isak can think of the next step, Even’s mouth is wrapping Isak’s dick, surrounding it with warmth. Isak’s hands fly to Even’s hair, tugging at it with a force Isak didn’t know he had. The force of if makes Even moans around his dick, and the feeling is just—too much. Isak moans in response, his head falling back against the pillow, his eyes rolling at the back of his head.

Even is bobbing his head, sucking on Isak’s dick with just the right pressure, and forces himself down on him deeper and deeper, chocking on it. Isak wants to tell him to slow down, or else he’ll come, but he is so overwhelmed he can’t do anything but panting hard. Isak is torn between keeping his eyes closed at the feeling and looking at Even’s sinful mouth around him. When he finally manages the energy to look at the other boy, Even is already staring at him through a curtain of lashes, his lips touching Isak’s dick’s base, and—fuck. If that only wasn’t a fucking sight in itself, Even’s right hand being lost in his own pair of jeans and touching himself is enough to send Isak on fucking cloud nine. He closes his eyes and puts his head back on the pillow, letting his body take over control. He fucks into Even’s mouth without any mercy, because he knows by now that Even can take it. It’s not long before he feels himself close to coming. His whole body trembles like a leaf, fireworks dancing behind his lids. Isak thrusts one last time and comes into Even’s mouth without any warning, and the boy just swallows him and moans appreciatively around him, sending Isak a new wave of goosebumps. 

Isak is a sweating, panting mess under Even. And even though he’s finished, his mind hazy and clouded, he can still hear Even touching himself and grunting. He looks down at him and realizes Even has straddled him without him noticing. The older boy is still wearing his jeans, but they are low enough for his dick to be completely out and wobbling soundly in his hand. Isak’s dick is centimeters away from Even’s and suddenly, Even wraps both of their dicks together. Isak gasps in surprise. The pressure is unbelievably good, and Even’s long fingers is sliding up and down both of their lengths at the perfect speed. Isak is still sensible from his orgasm, but he doesn’t have the energy or the will to pull away. The feeling is good, so, _so fucking good_. It’s so good it’s almost hurting. His gaze travels from their dicks to Even’s chest, to his plump, red lips, and finally he meets his eyes. The blue of Even’s eyes is swallowed by his dark pupils, filled with lust and desire. Isak is aware of Even biting his bottom lip so hard, it might start bleeding any seconds, and Isak is craving for Even’s mouth, so he reaches a hand behind Even’s neck and pulls him down into a languid kiss. Isak can taste himself on Even’s tongue, a bittersweet taste that makes his breathing ecstatic.

“You’re so fucking hot, Isak.” Even mutters against his mouth.

Isak hums, unable to form any phrase, any word. When he feels Even’s body stills, he knows he’s about to come. And, just like that, Isak is coming for the second time in a few minutes, in sync with Even. They both growl in unison, unloading their cum onto Isak’s chest and belly. 

* * *

Even lets his forehead roll against Isak’s, panting like he just ran a marathon. And, honestly, Isak isn’t any better. He’s covered in sweat and cum, and he’s trying to catch his breath as if he’d been underwater for too long.

And somehow, it’s exactly how he felt. He felt like he was underwater for so long, that before tonight, he didn’t know he was holding his breath. But right now, limbs all tangled with Even’s, he feels like he can finally breathe.

Even rolls off Isak, rolls on his back and stares at the ceiling, still catching his breath. They stay silent for a moment, Isak’s mind completely dazed he feels like he could fall asleep. But soon enough, Even is shuffling. He gets out of bed and wanders through the apartment in search of the bathroom. Isak can hear him turn on the faucet, and walk back to the room, but his eyes are lazily drooping close by themselves. He can feel Even cleaning him up with a warm, wet towel. He can feel the bed dipping under Even’s weight as he come next to Isak to let soft kisses on his mouth. Isak smiles into the kiss sluggishly, feeling his mind go black slowly. He can hear Even speaks softly in his ear, but cannot decipher what he just said. The last thing his brain registers before shutting down is that he’s being tucked in the comfortable warmth of his duvet, a content sigh escaping his mouth.

***

When Isak wakes up the next morning, the other half of his bed is empty. And cold. Isak straightens up rapidly, looking around him frantically.

“Even?” He calls out.

No answer. Isak gets up hastily, pulls the covers around his waist in an attempt to hide his nudity. He runs past the empty bathroom, stumbling in the empty living room. Isak looks at the door, notices Even’s shoes aren’t there.

Even hasn’t slept here. Even left.

Isak runs a hand through his tangled, messy hair, and lets out a shaky breath. He goes back to his room, finds his phone on the floor next to his clothes. He opens it, but there is no new message from Even. Just a good morning text from Emma, and—Isak freezes. The realization dawns on him like a cold shower.

He just had sex with Even. He cheated on Emma _with a guy. _And not any guy. He cheated on Emma with _Even. _


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak breaks up with Emma, but that's not the reason why his heart breaks.

Isak spends his entire weekend panicking and trying to call Even, but every time he ends up leaving another voicemail. They need to talk about what happened, to clear things between them, and Isak desperately needs to know Even is ok. He needs to know he’s safe and warm, not wandering around Oslo in only a long sleeves shirt and a pair of jeans. Isak can’t shake the image of Even crouched between his legs, his mouth full of Isak’s dick, and his irises swallowing the blue rings of his eyes. If he’s too caught up in his memories, Isak can almost still feel the ghost feeling of Even’s mouth on his, on his jaw, on his soft spot behind his ear, and literally everywhere Even’s mouth has touched his skin.

Isak really wants to hear Even’s voice, and not just because he misses him (though, he really does), but to know he’s alright, to know he’s not hurting. Because besides the images of Even’s mouth around him, or their dicks pressed together in Even’s hands, there’s another image that flashes through Isak’s mind, and it’s even more disturbing than Even showing up at his door at fucking three in the morning. It’s his wrists. His long, thin, pale wrists, covered in marks that makes Isak’s stomach churns onto itself.

Isak now realizes why he never saw Even’s arms before. Right from the start, from the moment they met, in the heat of early August, Isak never thought of asking Even why he was always wearing a jeans jacket, or long sleeves shirts. Isak thought that maybe Even was just really cold. Some people are really sensible to the cold, or maybe even to the sun. Maybe Even has sensible skin, and he can’t be exposed to the sun. That would explain why he’s so pale. But now Isak knows better than these thoughts. Even’s marks are still rosy, not fully healed, and a bit bumpy. They weren’t fresh, but they must’ve been made no longer than a half a year before.

Isak is astonished by the thought of Even cutting himself. He can’t imagine Even wanting to slice his wrists like he did, wanting to hurt himself. Wanting to kill himself. Even is the fucking sunshine in every body’s day, he can’t possibly be that hurt inside. Isak wants to know he’s safe. He _needs_ to. 

***

The last week of school before the Christmas break is a total mess, Isak thinks. Even hasn’t shown up at school the whole week, and hasn’t answer any of Isak’s calls or messages. Isak isn’t even sure if he’s relieved to not having to face Even after what happened, or hurt because he thinks Even is avoiding him. Maybe Even realized what they did and feels guilty, or repulsed. Isak doesn’t want to imagine that scenario, but a part of him can’t help but wonder if Even showing up at this door at 3AM was only a spurt of his mania phase. What if he misread all of Even’s soft glances, warm smiles and the way his hands always seemed to find their way in Isak’s hair when they’re only the two of them? What if Even isn’t into him the way Isak is into him? His heart is aching at that thought, and his brain is hurting so much from all the scenarios he’s imagining.

A part of his brain also tries to remind him he still needs to come clean with Emma, telling him how he really feels about her, and to be honest, the thought of talking to Emma is dreadful. Isak isn’t sure he’ll be able to look at her in the eyes, not sure he’ll be able to speak without his voice cracking along the way. He avoids her at all costs, lies to her and says he needs to study for his last exams, says he’s running late for classes when he bumps into her in the hallways. He replies shortly to her messages, and when she asks him if he would like to visit her grandfather with her and her family for Christmas, Isak can’t come up with a good enough excuse not to go, so he just ignores her message, leaving her on read.

Isak is sprawled across his bed, dialing Even’s number once again. It’s Wednesday afternoon, and Isak should be studying for his last exams, but he can’t put his mind into it. No matter how many times Isak sits at his desk, his books and his laptop open in front of him, the only thing echoing through his mind is Even. Even’s name, Even’s lips, Even’s scent, Even’s eyes, Even’s smile. It’s only Even, Even, Even. So instead of focusing on his biology textbook and his English essay he has to finish before the next day, he’s in bed, holding onto his pillow with his phone pressed to his ear.

_“Hi, this is Even Bech Naesheim. I’m unavailable for the moment, please leave a message and I’ll call you back later.” _Even’s voicemail clicks in, and Isak frowns for the hundredth time this day.

“Even, hi. It’s me. Again.” Isak lets out a small, nervous chuckle. “Uh, I just… I just want to make sure you’re ok. You weren’t at school this week and I need to know you’re safe. And… Yeah. Please, call me back.”

Isak hangs up with a loud groan, and puts down his phone on the nightstand with a little bit too much force. His roommate Eskild just happen to walk by the door at that moment and stops right in his tracks.

“Are you ok?” The other boy asks, concern creeping on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Isak mumbles, though Eskild is already walking into his room without being invited.

Eskild sits down on the bed, near Isak’s feet, and puts a gentle hand on his shin. He asks again what’s wrong with a little bit more worry in his voice, and even though Isak has no intention in telling anyone about what Even and he did the other night, he still feels the need to talk about it to someone. Of all people in Isak’s life, Eskild might be the only one who can fully understand his situation right now. Isak still can’t believe he was lucky enough to have found Eskild—or rather the other way, Eskild found him drunk and crying in a gay bar and took him home. So, before he knows it, he tries to summaries the situation to his roommate, thankful to have a patient, compassionate person next to him. Eskild listens to him with a soft smile, and hums considerately sometimes when Isak looks at him with a sad smile. Isak doesn’t mention having sex with Even, but he’s pretty sure Eskild caught that piece of information anyway, according to the smug smile on his face.

“Isak, baby Jesus.” Eskild tuts. “I’m gonna be honest with you, alright?” 

Isak nods, dreading what Eskild will say.

“Sometimes, straight men hook up with gay men like us, because they want to experiment things, and they think it’s ok for them to use us like that. And it’s not.” Eskild says solemnly.

Isak frowns, because he never told Eskild explicitly he was gay, but then again, Eskild just keeps talking, dismissing Isak’s features.

“Of course, I’m not in Even’s head, and maybe he really is into you. But, just keep in mind that it may have been just a fling for him. Don’t beat up yourself about that, but at least be honest with yourself. If you like him, you need to give him the time and space he needs to come down from it.” Eskild pauses, taking a few seconds to form his next words in his head before adding, “And I think you should to talk to Emma. You can’t let the poor girl in the dark any longer, Isak.”

Isak looks down at his duvet, avoiding Eskild’s eyes. He knows he’s right. He knows it. He’s just so caught up in this mess he doesn’t know where, or how to start. He gulps down and mutters a weak _‘thank you’_ when Eskild finally gets up and leaves the room.

***

On Thursday, even Isak’s friends have pick up on his strange behaviors, and Isak isn’t sure he can keep up his façade any longer. He’s a caffeinated mess who hasn’t slept more than seven hours in the last three days, and Isak is just—he’s on full-mode panic. He’s pretty sure he failed his history test, and his English essay was so shitty he almost wanted to burn it down and hands the ashes to his teacher. Isak being a moody bitch is a well-known fact amongst his friends, but this week… Well, this week can fuck itself, Isak thinks.

During lunch, when Isak doesn’t laugh at Mahdi’s joke about Magnus’ nonexistent sex-life, Jonas asks him what’s wrong. Isak snaps out of his thoughts, and looks away from the seat Even usually occupies. Jonas knows him way too much, knows something is up with Isak, and Isak can’t lie to Jonas. Never has, never will. He just shrugs and tries to be as honest as he can.

“I’m just stressed. Haven’t sleep much lately.” He admits.

“Is it because of school?” Mahdi asks. “Because, I mean, we’re all in the same boat.”

“Hum, things are complicated right now. I think Even is avoiding me.” He says vaguely, not telling them why Even would avoid him, or what happened.

There’s an uncomfortable silence around the table, while Isak just picks at his food without eating any of it. He can feel his friends staring at him, and can see them shuffling awkwardly on their chair. Isak is so uncomfortable he’s about to get up and leave, but then Magnus’ voice is soft, yet concerned.

“Is Even ok?” The blonde boy asks.

Isak lifts his gaze from his plate to Magnus, not sure what to say. He bites his lips and shrugs. Magnus nods and gives him an understanding look, hearing what Isak isn’t saying out loud.

After lunch, Isak sends a quick message to Magnus, thanking him for not saying a word about Even’s situation. His friend replies with a smiley face and a thumbs up emoji, and Isak is happy to have Magnus in his life. Despite him being a little oblivious goofball, Magnus is more intelligent than he lets people think. Magnus sends Isak a link towards a website with helpful tips on how to deal with a person struggling with bipolar disorder, and Isak wants to hug Magnus across the screen.

At the end of classes, Isak waits for Jonas at his locker. Isak doesn’t like lying—or not telling everything to Jonas, so he’s hoping to talk to him in private. He’s jittery and bites his inner mouth so much he can almost taste the blood on his tongue. When his friend appears at the end of the hallway, Isak straightens and holds on his backpack’s straps so tight his knuckles turn white. Jonas walks in his direction and when he notices Isak, he frowns his bushy eyebrows in a mix of confusion and concern. When he finally reaches Isak and his locker, Isak gives him a small, tentative smile.

“Can we talk?” Isak’s voice is charged with emotions, and if Isak wasn’t so worried about Even, he would hate himself for sounding so insecure.

“Sure.” Jonas answers, opening his locker and grabbing his coat and his beanie. He closes his locker after picking his notebooks and a few papers. “Kebab?”

And—yeah. Isak lets out a relieved, shaky breath. He’s not sure why he was so worried. Jonas is his best friend, of course he would understand Isak needs him. They walk out of school and towards the kebab place where they always go. Isak fills him in about his mom, and they both complain about the last week of school, about their exams and the lack of party. Honestly, they talk about everything and anything, except what’s on Isak’s mind. He waits for them to have their food and find a bench in the park. Kebab and a bench park has always been their safe place. Whenever Isak was overwhelmed with his mom or with people bullying him when he was younger, they always bought kebab and talked through things on a park bench.

It’s freaking cold outside and there’s a good layer of snow on their usual bench, but they sit anyway. They eat in silence for a few minutes, before Isak finally admits what’s on his mind. He doesn’t tell Jonas he slept with Even, but admits they have—had?—a thing, but that now Even is giving him the silence treatment, and that Isak’s not sure how to deal with all of this. And, yes, he knows he should break up with Emma. It’s on his to-do list before going on the Christmas break, he just hasn’t had the courage yet to confront her. Just like Eskild and Magnus did, Jonas listens to him and gives Isak his own impressions of the whole situation. Jonas tells him he noticed Isak was happier since he met Even, but hasn’t mentioned it earlier. He also picked up on Isak trying to avoid Emma, and that he really thinks Isak should break it off before she learns about it from someone else—not that he’s talked about it with a lot of people, but who knows how secrets like these travel fast in this school.

“So, you’re not surprised I’m gay?” Isak asks when they finally get up and put their kebab wrappers in the trash can.

“Well, yeah, a little bit. But you’re so reserved about your personal life, your grandmother could’ve died two months ago and I think you still wouldn’t have told me.”

Isak laughs. He truly is reserved about his personal life. When they reach the end of the park, they hug tightly and go their separate ways, Isak feeling less stressed and more confidant.

***

On Friday, at the end of classes, the entire school is buzzing with excitement. Everyone is exchanging small gifts or sweets, hugging and promising their friends to Skype over the holidays. The chatters are louder than usual, arms flying all around and Isak has to duck his head at least twice before he finally reaches Emma’s locker. She’s talking with two friends when Isak stands next to her. She smiles up at him quickly, letting him know she’s aware of his presence, but ends her conversation with her friends with long, tight hugs. When she finally turns to him, she frowns up at him and there is not a single trace of smile on her round face.

“Hi.” Isak croaks.

“Oh, so now we’re speaking.” She folds her arms across her chest.

Isak gulps. Breaking up with Emma definitely is harder than he thought it would be. He looks around the hallways, wondering if they should go somewhere more quiet, but he’s done with hiding. He’s done with lying to her, done with pretending to be into her when he’s not, and he’s so done with feeling like absolute shit. So he takes a deep breath in, and looks down at his feet, still not able to look at her in the eyes.

“I think we should break up.” He mumbles, his heart thundering in his ears.

“Excuse me?” She asks, incredulous.

“I-I don’t… It’s not…” Isak stutters, trying to compose himself. “I’m not as into you as you’d want me to.” He finally says. “Things felt off for me for a long time, and there’s a part of me that really wanted to believe we could be a good match, but this” He gestures between the two of them, “is not working anymore. I’m sorry.”

Emma huffs through her nostrils, her neck and cheeks red with anger. Isak thinks that if a look could kill, there would be a thousand knives in his body right now. He bites his lower lips, trying to keep his own breathing steady.

“I really wanted this to work, Emma. I tried so hard...” Isak exhales, and he can’t stand her gaze anymore so he looks at his feet again. “I’m really sorry.”

He walks away, without looking in Emma’s direction. He can hear her shout something to him, but he’s so deafened by his heart beating wildly in his ears he can’t register what she said exactly.

He practically runs towards the exit, runs towards the tram station but ends up in front of Even’s place instead. He dials Even’s number again, and reaches once again the voicemail after what feels like an eternity. He waits for the message to end before he can finally speak.

_“Hi, this is Even Bech Naesheim. I’m unavailable for the moment, please leave a message and I’ll call you back later.”_

“Hi Even. I just wanted to let you know I just broke up with Emma.” Isak says quickly. “I’m not expecting anything from you, and it’s ok if you don’t want me, I’d understand. I just… I miss you.” He admits. “And I hope you’re ok. I didn’t have the chance to see you at school, but I hope you’ll have a merry Christmas. Please call me.”

Isak is standing outside Even’s house, looking up his window. He’s not sure why, but he’s just—he’s desperate to know Even is ok. He waits a few minutes, before the cold creeps through his coat and through his bones. Just as he’s about to walk away, defeated, the curtains in Even’s room move slightly, letting Even’s face appear in the small space between the drapes. And, he’s not even that far, nor that close, but Isak can see clearly the look on Even’s face. It’s distant, eyes empty, and Even’s mouth is just a thin line. No smile, no hand wave, no wink. Nothing. They’re both standing there, a window and way too many distance between them, according to Isak. But when Even finally walks out of sight, and when it’s been at least five minutes that Isak is just standing there, waiting for Even to open the door, his chest contracts. His heart drops out of his chest, rolls down the sidewalk and onto the street, waiting for a car to roll over it.

Isak is freezing cold, his hands buried deep in his pockets clutching on his phone, his face burning from the cold. When he finally walks away, he’s not sure if he can feel his heart anymore. He’s pretty sure his heart stayed back in that street, where Even snatched it out of his chest and threw it on the floor. And if there are tears running down his cheeks, Isak doesn’t care if people throw him side glances.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is moping for an entire day, then gets a call from Even's mother.

Isak is moping, and he knows it.

When he came back home, after being totally dismissed by Even, he went straight to his room and flopped down on his bed, face first. And, to be honest, he’s so relieved that Noora is out celebrating the school break with the girls, and that Eskild is at work, because he doesn’t think he could stand having to explain to any of his roommates why he’s crying. Sure, Linn is there, but she’s in her room, sleeping like a dead person, so Isak couldn’t care any less if he’s being loud. He just broke up with Emma, and he’s heartbroken—but for a complete different reason. He doesn’t really care about Emma, or at least for now he’s too much in his own head that he can’t put his head around the idea of feeling bad for Emma.

Breaking up with her just before Christmas wasn’t really his best idea, but he wasn’t ready to face the truth sooner, and he couldn’t stand the pressure of pretending any longer. So, really, he didn’t have any other choice. He knows he should’ve ended things earlier, maybe around Halloween, but his mind was sending him so many mixed messages, Isak just rolled with it.

And now, he was in his room, crying like a fucking toddler who got his lollipop robbed by an older kid. But instead of a lollipop, that’s his heart that have been robbed. Robbed, destroyed, shattered, and put back in place with all the broken pieces barely holding together. Isak screams into his pillow, letting his anger, incomprehension, and guilt wash over him.

Isak doesn’t eat that night, nor get any sleep.

When he hears Noora coming back just after midnight, he tries to ignore her when she comes see him and keeps crying. But being the nice girl she is, she stays with him a few moments, gently caressing his hair and holding his hand when he reached for her in a weak attempt at being reassured. She doesn’t ask him what’s going on, only keeps him company long enough for his body to stop trembling, and Isak is grateful. He doesn’t think he could’ve talked about how he felt, or why he was crying. Instead, he puts a tiny smile on his face and thanks her when she leaves the room.

When Eskild comes back from the bar at three in the morning, Isak is still crying, though the angry tears have left room for more desperate, silent ones. Unlike Noora, Eskild tries to talk to him. He asks him what’s wrong, but doesn’t push any further when he realizes Isak can’t—won’t speak. So instead, he just keeps him company and tells him about stupid costumers he had to serve at work, and the weird date he had after his shift. He met the guy at the bar and they had a few drinks, and then he went to his place. They were just about to fuck when the guy asked him to tie him down to the bed and slap him with a belt. Eskild tells him about how he did it but didn’t felt any pleasure in it, so that’s why he came back to the kollektiv after that, and Isak isn’t sure if he’s thankful for Eskild to change his mind or traumatized by Eskild’s story. When Eskild leaves the room, Isak just rolls on his back and stares at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep.

Somewhere around four o’clock, when his brain flashes images of Even in front of his eyes, his eyes are watery again and his body is sagged with silent sobs. As much as he’s grieving right now, he doesn’t want to wake his roommates up.

When the sun comes up, his body is limp, and his eyes are dry and prickly. He hasn’t slept at all, couldn’t fight the memories of Even every time he closed his eyes. He remembered the first time he met him, at the hospital. How Even was being nice to him, even if he knew nothing about him. He remembered the second time they met, when Isak was hangover and grumpy, but Even was still looking at him like he was his favorite person in the world. He also remembers the way Even’s face fell when he noticed Emma’s message on Isak’s phone. He remembers the way he felt when he first saw Even across the schoolyard on that first day of school. How he blended in so easily within his group of friends, and how they all accepted him like he was always a part of them, even though he was a complete stranger a year older than the four of them. He remembered the numerous times he hung out with him and the boys, watching Jonas and Mahdi skateboard at the park, or the parties they attended. He remembered all the laughs they shared, and the serious discussions they had around coffees. Isak couldn’t remember the amount of times he rolled his eyes at Even, pushing away his camera when Even tried to capture Isak with his polaroid. Isak never fully understood Even’s passion for photography and filmography anyway, his weird obsession with Baz Luhrmann and Romeo + Juliet. He also remembered the day when he learnt his mother would be able to leave the psychiatric hospital. He was in Even’s room, sprawled on the floor with his head on his laps, feeling so comfortable, free, and happy. And the following Friday night, when Even helped him cook for his mom, and the dinner they all shared. And the softness of Even’s lips on his cheek when he said goodbye to Isak when he drove him home. Isak tried to remember all the good times they had together, but he also tried to avoid the memory of Even in his bed. These thoughts were killing him more than the rest.

At nine thirty, Noora brings Isak breakfast in bed, though he’s not very hungry. He eats anyway so she would leave him alone. She still doesn’t ask him what happened, but Isak knows she talked to Eskild. He heard them in the kitchen earlier. She just smiles sympathetically at him and offers him a cup of tea when he’s done with breakfast. He refuses, but he’s happy to have so many people around him who seem to care about him.

***

It’s the second day of his Christmas break, but Isak doesn’t feel like celebrating at all. Jonas visited him that afternoon when he learned that Isak broke up with Emma, and he did manage to bring a smile back on Isak’s face, but as soon as he left, Isak’s thoughts returned to Even and the way he looked at him on Friday.

It’s around five o’clock, a few minutes after Noora left for William’s place and Eskild left for work that Isak’s phone rings. He supposes it’s either one of his roommates who forgot something and wanted him to bring it to them at the bottom of the stairs, but the name appearing on his screen makes him freezes for a second. His thumb slides over the screen before he can think it through, and his hands are shaking as he’s putting the phone to his ear. His heart beats a little bit faster in his chest, and he’s not sure if it’s a good thing or not.

“Hello?” Isak breathes more than he speaks.

“Hello? Is this Isak?” A feminine voice comes through the phone.

“Uh, yes.” He answers, panic raising in his voice.

The person on the other side of the line breathes out a relieved sigh.

“Hi, this is Sigrid. Even’s mother.” She announces, and Isak sits straighter in his bed.

“Is everything ok? Is Even ok?” He urges.

“Well, he’s…” She begins, but trails off. “How well do you know him?” She asks.

The question feels like a slap to Isak’s face. He knows he never met Even’s parents yet, because they never were home when Even invited him over, but he thought that, maybe, Even talked about him.

“I know he’s bipolar, if that’s what you worry about.” Isak finally says.

“Oh.” She seems surprised. “Ok. Well, he’s been manic for a few weeks, as you may have picked up on…”

Isak nods before remembering she can’t see him. He hums in acquiescence.

“He slipped into his depressive phase around Sunday… That’s why he didn’t go to school this week.” She informs him. “He seemed fine—I mean, as fine as he can be in a depressive phase, but since yesterday he seems more agitated and mumbles your name every time we try to talk to him.”

“Can I see him?” Isak blurts out before even thinking about it. 

There’s silence on the line for a few seconds, but it seems like hours to Isak. As much hurt as he is, he still desperately wants—needs to see Even. He needs to know he’s ok, and to reassure him that it’s fine. Everything is fine. It’s not his fault if Isak broke up with Emma. Isak just wants to be with him and reassure him, telling him he’s there for him and that he can’t stop thinking of him. When Sigrid finally speaks again, Isak is on his feet in no time.

“I’m not sure if he’ll let you, but you can try to talk to him.”

***

Even’s parents let him in with polite yet concerned smiles. Isak takes off his shoes and walks towards Even’s room after his father indicates him where’s the room, pretending he didn’t know. As soon as he enters the room, the atmosphere is so much different from the other times he was here. The curtains are pulled close, letting only a tiny ray of light filters through the room. There are so many things laying on the ground, Isak can’t see the hardwood floor beneath it all. He carefully steps through it anyway, avoiding a pile of dirty laundry—including his grey sweatshirt he forgot three weeks ago—Even’s broken camera, and a load of rumpled piece of papers and paint brushes.

When he finally reaches the loft bed, he’s on the same eye level as Even, though the older boy is turning his back to him. Isak almost thinks he’s asleep, but Even’s breathing is too erratic, too loud. Isak knows Even is aware of his presence, and the fact that he’s willingly avoiding Isak breaks his heart another time. Though, he doesn’t run away this time. He takes a deep breath in, and take another step.

“Halla.” He murmurs, because talking to a normal tone of voice would feel too harsh.

Even doesn’t turn around, but his body tenses up and his breathing goes silent.

“Ev, it’s just me.” Isak says, a bit hurt at his reaction. “Can I come up?” He asks softly, not moving until he perceives a small nod from Even.

Isak climbs the ladder, and occupies the space between Even and the security ramp on the bed. He lies down on his side, one arm tucked under his head, the other one pressed against his own chest, afraid to touch Even. He waits a minute or two, letting Even calms down and relaxes his tense muscles.

“Can you turn around?” Isak asks softly, before adding, “If you don’t want to, it’s fine too.”

Even stays still for a moment, but eventually he turns on his back, and on his other side, so slowly Isak wonders how this tall, usually energetic guy, can move so slow. But when Even’s face finally comes into his sight, there are only a few inches between them. Even’s eyes are open, but barely. They’re just two drooping, lazy eyes. His lips are dry and chapped. His hair are a tangled mess, and Isak is pretty sure Even hasn’t showered in a few days, according to the musky and sweaty scent Even irradiates, but Isak couldn’t care any less. Even is still Even, the only person who can make Isak’s world turn upside down with only a smile. Even is safe and alive, and that’s all that matters right now.

“Halla.” He murmurs again, a small smile tugging on his lips.

Even still doesn’t answer, but there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips, and that’s enough for Isak. Isak moves slightly closer to Even, bumping gently his nose against Even’s. He’s not sure if Even will let him invade his personal space, but then again, Even doesn’t move away or yell at him to ‘get the fuck out of here’, so everything is still fine. Isak looks at the boy in front of him, at all the details he never took the time to analyze. Even’s shadowy stubbles, the shape of his brows, the light ashy blonde color of his lashes. Isak drinks in every details about Even as he can without being too creepy about it.

“Can I?” Isak asks delicately as he hovers his hand over Even’s cheek.

Even nods slowly, and Isak cups his cheek in his hand, tracing his fingers over the light stubbles on Even’s jaw. He looks into his eyes, tries to make him understand he’s not going anywhere through his eyes, but he’s not sure about his telepathic skills. He gently kisses Even’s cheek, temple, forehead, and nose.

“You are not alone.” Isak mutters, his forehead pressed against Even’s. “I’m here, do you hear me? I’m not going anywhere.” He insists.

“What happened?” Even’s voice is small, croaky and hoarse.

Isak pulls away to have a better look at Even’s face. Even is looking up at him, confusion and sadness all over his features.

“What?” Isak asks, not sure what Even is referring to.

“What happened?” Even repeats after clearing his throat. “Between you and Emma.”

“We… I broke up with her.”

“But why?” Even insists, fear and guilt filling his eyes.

Isak stays silent a moment. Does Even not know?

“Don’t you remember last week?” Isak asks instead of answering Even’s question.

“Vaguely…” Even admits, voice so small Isak thinks he imagined it.

“You showed up at my place at three in the morning, and you kissed me.” Isak informs him.

He doesn’t tell him they had sex, but Even must remember that part, because the realization dawning on Even’s face is almost hurting. His eyes widen, his lips part a little, and the bottom lips starts to shake. Even is about to say something, but Isak interrupts him quickly.

“Hey, hey.” He hushes. “It’s alright. I-I wanted it too.” He says.

“It’s my fault.” Even says. “You broke up with Emma because of me.”

“It would’ve happened anyway.” Isak reassures him. “I wanted to kiss you since Halloween, too. You were right.”

Even lets a long sigh out, rolls back on his back and stares at the ceiling. Even looks so exhausted, Isak knows he won’t be able to stay awake much longer. His voice still breaks the silence of the room when he finally speaks again.

“Do you hate me?” His voice breaks midway his sentence.

“Even, no.” Isak urges. “I could never hate you. I like you. I want you. I _need_ you.”

Even shakes his head, taking in Isak’s words. He turns his head slowly to look back at Isak and there’s so much sadness in his eyes, Isak wants to cry. He can’t imagine how Even could think that he hates him. Even is the reason why Isak finally came out to Jonas and Eskild. Even is the reason Isak wants to wake up in the morning and go to school so he could hang out with Even during recess or at lunch, or after school. Even is the only reason why Isak’s relationship with his mother is doing good so far, because he helped him understand and accept his mother’s illness. Even is everything Isak could’ve dreamed of, and he’s shattered at the idea of Even thinking he could hate him.

To prove Even he’s not hating him, Isak leans in slowly—so slowly, giving Even enough time to back off if he didn’t want to, but his body was so still, Isak leans in and finally connects his lips with Even’s. It’s soft, sweet, and short. He doesn’t want to put pressure on Even, but he also wants to show him how he cares about him and that he still likes him, no matter how bad things turned out in the last week. Even closes his eyes and let his forehead fall on Isak’s shoulder.

“Can you stay?” Even asks so weakly, Isak doesn’t think he can say no.

“Of course.”

He puts an arm around Even’s frail shoulders, holding him close and making him safe. He deposits a soft kiss on his shoulder, and waits for Even to fall asleep. It doesn’t take long, but he feels somewhat relieved.

Things aren’t perfect right now, and it might take some time before Even comes out of his episode, but Isak is grounded with only one certitude.

He’s not afraid anymore.

He wants to show Even he cares for him, that he’s there for him, and that he wants him. So he rocks Even back to sleep, pressing gentle kisses on his shoulder, his temple, his hair. He holds him in his arms, his head pressed in the crook of his neck, and he lets the boy cry silently and sleep on him.

***

It’s an hour later, when Isak’s bladder is about to explode that he gets out of bed unwillingly. He heads to the bathroom, releases his bladder, and tiptoes back to Even’s room, but on his way to the room, Even’s mom asks him to come in the living room.

Isak sits down on the couch across from her, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“Has Even spoke to you?” She asks gently.

“Yeah, a bit.”

She lets a happy sigh escape her mouth and her shoulders relax.

“I’m glad he’s talking to you.” Sigrid says. “He wouldn’t talk to us or his therapist.”

And—that’s kind of a surprise.

“Therapist?” He asks, stunned.

“Yes, for his treatment.” She nods, realizing Isak might not know the entire story behind Even. “He was hospitalized last summer, after he tried killing himself.”

Isak’s stomach flips on itself. He suspected this, but hearing Even’s mother confirming his fears only makes him feel a bit dizzy.

“What happened?”

“He didn’t tell you?” She asks, raising her brows.

Isak shakes his head. Sigrid winces and looks down at her hands.

“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you, then.” She says. “But some bad things happened to him last year, and he—he did some stupid, reckless things during his last manic episode. If Jan wouldn’t have found him when he did-” She stops herself from continuing, her voice cracking a little at the memory of Even’s suicide attempt.

She looks back up at Isak with a tight, sad smile.

“I’m pretty sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready. But I think for now he needs to rest.”

Isak nods his head before he realizes what she meant. She’s gently suggesting him to leave his son alone, so he can sleep peacefully. And, while Isak’s body is aching from the lack of Even’s warmth around him, he knows Sigrid is right. She knows Even better than he does, and understands him better than he could. So he gets up reluctantly and walks back towards the hall, puts his shoes and coat back on, and says his goodbyes to Even’s mother.

“Do you think I can visit him another day?” Isak asks, almost pleading.

“Yeah, I think he’ll like that.” She responds, a smile on her face.

She squeezes a hand on his shoulder lightly, and lets him out the door.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak visits his mom, and she's way more perceptive than he thought she would be.

The next day, Isak decides to visit his mother because it’s been a while since he last saw her, and he kind of misses her. And, well, he needs to talk to someone, and as much as he loves and trusts Jonas, he feels like his mother is the only person who could understand him. At least, that’s what he hopes.

He called her an hour before, giving her a heads up so she could have time to prepare herself. She told him he could stay for dinner, and he accepted gratefully. Isak is too lazy and too tormented to cook himself. Some days, even just boiling the water for his noodles seemed like a big task.

Isak stares at the mirror, wondering if his outfit is nice enough for a dinner with his mother. He’s pretty sure she won’t really mind what he wears, but a part of him really wants to look nice for her. It’s almost Christmas, and as much as he loves her, he’s not sure if he’s ready to spend the holidays at home, so he’d rather consider this as a Christmas dinner. Just in case. He’s not sure yet. His mother is very religious, and every year, she insisted that he should go to the Christmas mass, almost dragging him by the ear. Ok, not really, but it felt like it sometimes. Isak frowns at the fold on his shirt and decides to change it. He hesitates between two shirts and finally settles on his nice light grey button up shirt and tan chinos. Yup. That will do.

He changes clothes and tries to tame his wild curls, but Isak huffs in annoyance at the length of his hair. They’re starting to get a little bit longer than he’s used to, and he can’t hide it underneath a snapback, that would just ruin his whole aesthetic. He goes to the bathroom, locks the door behind him, and looks discreetly through Noora’s supplies of hair products. He’s not really sure what he’s looking for, maybe something that will make his hair look less messy and smell good? There are so many bottles, his brain is starting to hurt. His eyes land on a small bottle with a label that says ‘volume hair serum’ and remembers the way Noora’s hair looks like when she uses this product. He shrugs, thinking this probably couldn’t be any worse, and puts a small amount of product in the palm of his hand and runs it through his hair like indicated on the instructions label. He ruffles the top of his head, and tucks nicely the wild strands of hair behind his ears. Yeah, that’ll do. He smiles to himself and gets out of the bathroom, walking faster than he should. Noora isn’t home, but maybe Eskild is still here, and Isak definitely doesn’t want to have to explain to him why his hair looks different.

He goes back to his room, gathers his phone, wallet, and keys. Before turning off the lights, he remembers there’s a picture on his nightstand that Even took of him a few weeks ago, and Isak thinks his mother probably would like to have it, because she hasn’t any recent pictures of him. The polaroid is pretty simple, nothing extraordinary. Isak and Even were studying at Kaffebrenneriet on a Tuesday afternoon, and that day Isak was in charge of bringing refills for their coffees. When he was walking back to their table, Even snapped a quick shot of Isak with the two cups in his hands, and the shy smile on his lips reached his eyes. Isak’s hair looked incredibly good that day, and his flushed rosy cheeks were highlighted by the red hoodie he was wearing that day.

Isak walks around his bed and grabs it, puts it away in his wallet, and then leaves the room. He turns off the light and closes this door, walks towards the entryway where his coat and shoes are.

When Isak steps outside, the sun has begun his descent, leaving a orangey-pink shade behind him, fading to a dark blue sky. Isak can see already some stars poking through the clouds, but it’s still clear enough he can’t see any constellation properly, so he just keeps walking. Once he reaches the tram stop, he leans against the pole and waits for it while scrolling through his social medias. It’s been a while, and he can’t really say he misses it. Instagram is boring as usual, though he make sure to like Eva’s pictures. When he opens his messages, he tries his best to ignore Emma’s angry messages and goes to his group chat with the boys. Magnus is talking about a party coming up, but neither of them are sure if they are going. Mahdi is going to be outside the city for a few days around Christmas, Jonas visits his aunt in Bergen the night of the party, and Isak just doesn’t feel like it. Magnus doesn’t want to go to the party alone, so he’s sad and complains about it for about five minutes before changing the subject to something else. When the tram comes by, Isak gets on and turns off his phone after sending a quick message to Even, just to let him know he misses him and he’s going to visit him soon again.

***

Isak doesn’t even have the time to knock on the door before his mother opens it widely with a warm smile.

“Hi, baby.” Marianne beams.

“Hei mamma!” Isak smiles back at her.

She opens her arms in a silent request, and Isak just leans into the embrace. It’s a bit weird because since his growth spurt, Isak is almost one foot taller than his mother, but he still wraps his arms around her shoulders and hides his face into the crook of her neck, smelling that familiar scent like he did when he was a kid and her mother wasn’t being crazy. When they separate, Marianne steps aside to let Isak enter the house and closes the door. 

After taking off his shoes and his coat, Isak follows his mother in the kitchen and hums appreciatively at the delicious odor of whatever is cooking in the oven. The table is set for two, and the house smells nice. It’s cleaner than he thought it would be, but it’s a nice surprise. Some decorative pieces have disappeared, and Isak supposes it’s the work of the professionals who came home to help Marianne eliminate some environmental objects that could be triggering. The walls are a bit empty without the paintings and some family pictures on them, but Isak is relieved to know his mother is doing everything she can to recover as much as possible. Isak never met the person who is helping his mother, but he knows she’s seeing a therapist every week and that a nurse comes home to make sure she takes her antipsychotics and other medications a few days a week.

Isak’s mother offers him something to drink, and Isak sits down at the table with a glass of orange juice and looks at his mom in the kitchen preparing the last details for dinner. Isak looks at her with awe in his eyes. She seems happier than he’s ever seen her. She radiates a good energy, and even though she sometimes seems a little bit up in her own head, it only lasts a few seconds before she smiles at him again and the conversation flows between them so easily, he’s surprise to find himself laughing at the anecdote she tells him.

“There was this poor guy, the other day at the shop. He wanted to buy flowers for his girlfriend for their first anniversary, but he came back six hours later with the flowers. Turns out the girl was allergic to pollen.” She says as she stirs a pot of soup.

“That’s unfortunate.” Isak agrees.

“Well, we couldn’t take the flowers back because they were already beginning to die, but I brought them to the cemetery and put them on some random tombs.”

Isak looks at his mother with a concerned look. He’s not sure if it was a good thing to put flowers on a stranger’s tomb. What if a family member visits and finds the flowers? What if it’s the person’s spouse and the person thinks his or her significant other had an affair? Isak must be silent for too long because Marianne turns around and dismisses his worries with a small hand gesture.

“It’s just—Sometimes I like to take a walk over there because it’s so peaceful and there aren’t many people there when I walk. I noticed there’s always a few tombs here and there that seem to never have visitors.” She explains. “I thought that it would be a sweet gesture to put flowers on their tombs.” 

“Oh.” Isak breathes out. “Yeah, ok. That’s nice, I guess.” 

When Isak’s mother finally puts a bowl of soup in front of Isak, she smiles down at him with a knowing smile.

“Now, why don’t you just tell me why you really came here, sweetie?”

“What?” Isak scowls. “I missed you, that’s all.”

He waits for her to sit down in front of her before diving his spoon into the soup.

“And it’s almost Christmas. I wanted to spend some time with you.” He adds, and puts a spoonful of soup in his mouth.

“Baby, I know something is up with you.” She says, her tone kind and sweet, nothing accusatory. “I can feel it. I might be sick, but I’m still your mamma.”

Isak swallows the soup—or is it the lump in his throat? —and looks down at his bowl. He sometimes forgets how his mom seems to know him so well, even when she was having psychotics episodes, she was able to see right through him. He takes a breath in.

“You remember Even, right?” He begins.

“The sweet boy who was here the other night?” She asks, a small smile on her face.

“Uh, yeah.” Isak clears his throat. “Him.”

He draws patterns in his soup with his spoon, trying to distract himself.

“Well, I don’t know if you remember this, but he’s bipolar. And, he’s in his depression phase since last week, apparently.” Isak voices out. “I want to be there for him, and help him, but I—I don’t know how to. Magnus’ mom is also bipolar, so he’s very aware of Even’s emotions and seems to pick up on them easily, but… I don’t know. I wish I could do something to help him too. Is there anything I can do to help him?”

“Is Magnus your friend with the thick eyebrows?” Marianne asks, and Isak laughs.

“No, mamma. That’s Jonas. Magnus is the blonde one who can’t stay in place.”

“Oh yeah, I remember him. He reminds me of a baby golden retriever.” She smiles, absentmindedly.

Isak laughs again because, well, that’s a pretty accurate picture. But his mom still hasn’t said anything about Even’s bipolar. He wishes she could help him, but maybe that’s a too personal, individual thing. Maybe he needs to experience it by himself and experiment how to tiptoe around Even. Isak continues eating his soup, thinking this conversation might be closed, but Marianne eventually hums pensively.

“I think the best you can do for now is just being there for him.” She says, looking at a point behind Isak’s head, but he’s too polite to point that out. “If he’s depressed, he probably just needs to sleep and rest for a bit, before coming back down from his manic episode. It’s probably going to be hard for you, because he won’t speak much or have the energy to stay awake very long, but even if doesn’t move or do anything, I’m sure he’ll sense your presence and appreciate it. And even when he’ll be better, the guilt and anxiety probably will stay with him a little bit longer. You’re gonna have to take it day by day.”

Isak stays silent a moment, eating his soup in silence and analyzing his mother’s words. He’s a little bit surprised at how accurately she’s picturing the following days—or weeks, Isak doesn’t really know. He kind of expected that from Even, but hearing his own mother telling him all the process, it’s disconcerting.

“You really love him, don’t you?” Marianne asks.

When Isak looks back at her, it’s with confusion and utter shock in his eyes. His breath is stuck somewhere between his lungs and his throat. He never mentioned anything about liking him, let alone being _in love_ with Even. Isak’s face must not hide his emotions well, because his mother’s face softens even more and she leans above the table.

“Baby, it’s fine.” She pats his hand gently. “You don’t have to lie to me. You don’t have to hide anymore. I saw the way you looked at him the other night, and the way you care about him. I can tell you it’s reciprocated.”

“You’re not mad?” Isak asks, fear creeping up its way in the back of Isak’s mind. He puts his spoon down and adds, “Because of your religion.”

“I know that most religious people forbidden homosexuality, and I used to believe it for so long. But I also believe that God has a plan for all of us, and that all humans are loved and treasured by Him, regardless of who we love.” Marianne says. “I know I haven’t been very there for you when you needed it the most, but it’s important to me that you remember that your happiness is all that matters to me, and that I’ll always love you no matter who you love. I just want you to be free and happy.”

The lump in Isak’s throat is back, thicker than it was earlier, and maybe there are a few tears in his eyes too. His heart is beating so fast, he feels like he could pass out.

For so long, he felt like he didn’t have his place in the world. He knew from a very young age that girls weren’t his thing, but he kept trying and pretending to be interested. He kept telling himself that if he tried hard enough, he could find a girl and marry her and have a happy family, like the Church told him to. But around twelve, when his feelings for Jonas evolved into something more than platonic friendship, he knew he was screwed. He knew religion wouldn’t want him anymore, so he stopped going to Church with his mom, except for a few occasions like Christmas and Easter. He was so worried his mother would be mad at him, or that she would scream at him obscenities, throw him out the house, or worse—disinherit him.

The feeling of his expanding heart in his chest is achingly satisfying. He now feels like he can breathe on his own, that he can fully be himself and still be loved by the people that matters the most to him. Isak is choking, tears rolling down his face like waterfalls. He can’t believe how easily it was to come out to his mother, how she opened her arms wide open for him, even though her religion told her not to.

Isak isn’t aware of his mother moving to the chair next to him, but when her arms folds around his shoulders, he doesn’t push her away. Instead, he lets himself being rocked back and forth, soothing kisses being pressed to his temples and the top of his head. It’s been so long since she took care of him like this, like when he was still a toddler who couldn’t make any friends at the kindergarten. His mother holds him in her arms long enough for his tears to dry, and for his smile to return. When he’s finally composed again, their bowls of soup are now cold, but none of them seem to mind.

They ate the principal dish with more ease, talking about Marianne’s plans for the decoration of the house, and about Isak’s plans for the future. Even though he rushed very hard this semester, he still felt like biology was his favorite subject and wanted to, maybe, be a doctor or scientist. She encouraged him with cheering smiles, telling him how proud she was of him, of who he was becoming.

Everything was going to be alright.

***

Instead of taking the tram back to his place, Isak decides to walk. He needs the fresh air to clear his mind. When he left his mother’s house, she hugged him so tight he was surprised by her strength. He promised her to come back soon, and to keep her updated about Even’s situation. He also gave her the picture Even took of him, and the smile on her face was so brilliant, Isak was glad he brought it.

Isak wanders around the city, walking on the sidewalks carefully not to crash into people. The streets are busier than usual, but it’s Christmas in a few days, so he should’ve expected this. The last minute shoppers are walking in every store, desperate to find the perfect gift for their loved ones. Busy parents that can only shop when they left work, or when their kids are asleep. Distracted boyfriends who didn’t think of getting a present for their lovers earlier, frantically searching for the perfect gift. Isak could almost laugh at them, at how stupid they are for being so desperate to please their loved ones with insignificant objects, but then he walks in front of a boutique and he has to backtrack because something caught his attention.

He looks at the clock on his phone, to make sure he still has time before the closing time. Isak opens the door, walks into the store, and goes straight to the cashier counter where an old man is cleaning lenses.

“Hi.” Isak greets him with a timid smile. “How much for the one in the window display?”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak visits Even a few times and has a boys night with Jonas and Magnus.

It’s only a few days before Christmas, and Isak has visited Even twice since Saturday. Even’s mother was being nice to him, offering him snacks and tea every time he got there.

On Monday, Even slept the whole day, only getting up to use the bathroom, so Isak just lay down next to Even and scrolled through his phone. Sometimes, he was staring at Even or at the ceiling for long periods of times, getting bored of what he was reading on internet. He tried to look up how to take care of bipolar persons, all the symptoms, and treatment possible. It was kind of making him panicking even more, but calming him at the same time.

He was very aware of all the shits he might get himself involved into, but there was something about Even that made him want to stay. Isak wanted to find out more about Even, about what makes him happy, what makes him sad, what songs makes him cry, or what city he’d like to visit someday. He wanted to know which cereals are his favorites, and what kind of cakes he likes. A part of him wanted to know if he’d always like boys, and if so, how did he know? There were so many questions in Isak’s mind, but none of them were important enough for him to bother Even when all he truly needed was to rest. So, instead, he just stared at him, drinking in every details about Even’s face, about his body, about his room. There were a lot of drawings and pictures on Even’s walls, a guitar in the corner of the room that seemed to collect dust. Even’s school books were still on his desk, and Isak wondered if it meant that he didn’t have the chance to take his exams before the break, or if he did it from home—was that even a possible thing to do?

On Tuesday afternoon, Even was awake, but still too tired to talk or do anything, so Isak made small talk with him. He told him what was good with the boys. Mahdi left for Oslo to visit family, Magnus was bored out of his mind and wanted to go to parties but there were none, and Isak was supposed to meet Jonas that evening to play FIFA. There was nothing interesting going on right now, with the holidays and everyone going home and visiting family. Isak tried to show Even how to play Hearthstone on his phone, but after a few rounds, Even’s lids were drooping lazily, so Isak gave up the idea. He only stayed three hours, since he had to meet Jonas at his place, and Jonas lived on the other side of the city, so Isak needed to leave earlier than the day before.

Before leaving, Isak stroked Even’s face to wake him up the quieter he could and planted kisses in his (dirty) hair. When Even woke up, Isak told him he was leaving—because Even was being sad and pouty when he realized Isak had left without saying goodbye on Saturday. Isak tilted his head in Even’s direction, waiting silently for him to kiss him. It was only a short, soft kiss, but it was all Even was able to give Isak at the moment, and it was all Isak needed. He just needed to know Even was in this as much as he was, even through his dark, sleepy phase. He hugs Even tightly, pressing his lips on Even’s cheeks a few times before finally detaching his body from his, getting off the bed and making his way to the hallway.

He said goodbye to Even’s parents, reporting to them how Even was doing. Talking to them was a bit intimidating but so easy at the same time. Easier than when he was talking to Emma’s parents. Even’s parents were very curious about Isak’s life, and even though they asked the same questions Emma’s parents did, it felt more easy to talk about his interests with Sigrid and Jan than it was with Emma’s parents. Even though curiosity was written on their face, they never asked Isak what exactly was his relation with Even. It was as if two boys lying down in a small bed was completely normal, and maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as Isak thought it would.

***

After leaving Even’s house, Isak takes the tram and goes to Jonas’. Isak’s best friends opens the door and greets him with a smile.

“Hi!” The brown haired boy says.

“Isak, hei!” A familiar blonde head appears in the doorway.

“Magnus was harassing me to do something, so I invited him over, I hope you don’t mind?” Jonas asks Isak with a low chuckle.

“Of course not!” Isak laughs. “Hi Mags.”

Magnus jumps on Isak, wrapping him in an overexcited hug, then steps aside to let the boy come in. Isak kicks his shoes off and shimmies out of his coat before hanging it up on a free hook next to the door. The boys walked over to the couch, where a FIFA game was paused. Isak sits on one of the end of the sofa, waiting for the boys to finish their game. Magnus sits on the other end of the couch, leaving the middle spot for Jonas.

“So, how’s Even?” Magnus asks while he takes his controller off the coffee table.

“He’s mostly sleeping, but I think he’s ok. He was a bit chattier today than he was yesterday.” Isak says, resting his head on the back of the couch.

“That’s good to know.” Magnus replies, unpausing the game when Jonas has his own controller in his hands back.

“Do you think we could visit him too?” Jonas asks.

Isak smiles to himself, happy to realize his friends wants to see Even too. Though, he’s not sure Even has enough energy or is in a safe place mentally to let too many people in. Isak shrugs, not sure what to say.

“I’m not sure if he’s ready to see other people, but I could ask.”

“Yeah, tell him I miss him.” Magnus says, warmth and sincerity filling his voice.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he misses you too.” Isak replies playfully.

Jonas and Magnus are now fully concentrated on the game, so Isak can relax a little bit before having to speak again. He watches them play for a good five minutes without saying anything, just fixing the TV screen and their avatar running across the field. In the end, Jonas wins by seven goals, and Magnus gives Isak the controller with a heartfelt whine. 

Isak had texted Mahdi in private the other day to let him know what happened to Even, because he felt like it was unfair for him not to know, while everyone else in the group knew. He’s glad all of his friend know about Even being bipolar, but he still feels like he hasn’t told them everything yet. There was still a huge secret Isak was keeping from them, and he felt like maybe today was the day he would confess to them. Isak’s palms are sweaty around the controller, his heart rate a bit faster than it should, but he’s determined to finally tell them he’s in love with Even. Well, technically, Jonas already knows, but not Magnus. And it’s not like Isak told Jonas officially he was _in love _with Even. He just admitted they had a thing, which isn’t exactly the same thing.

Although he thinks he should take the opportunity of the game loading to tell the boys what’s been on his chest for so long, Isak waits for the game to begins so his hands would be busy on their own. When it’s been a few seconds of him trying to steal the ball from Jonas, he clears his throat.

“So hum, there’s something I need to tell you guys.” Isak says, eyes fixed on the ball.

“Hum?” Magnus lifts his head from his phone.

“Jonas kind of know already, but I want to make things clear...” Isak starts.

Jonas doesn’t say anything, but Isak can feel his eyes on him, because now he finally got the chance to get the ball from him. Magnus stays silent, but his body shifts next to Isak, and Isak knows Magnus turned himself to face Isak to listen to him completely.

“Uh.” Isak coughs nervously. “I slept with Even.”

“Hva?” Both of his friends say in surprise.

“When?” Magnus asks.

“Last Friday, when he was being manic.” Isak explains. “He showed up at my door at three in the morning, only wearing a shirt. No coats on, no hoodies. I didn’t want to send him home in the cold, so I—I let him in.”

Isak tried to put the soccer ball in the net, but Jonas intercepts him before he has the chance to make it to the defense line.

“He was still talking about a ski trip, but then wanted to make it a whole fucking trip to Paris, and said we should kiss at the top of the Eiffel tower.” Isak frowns at the memory of Even’s disillusions. “I asked him what he was talking about, but then he just—he kissed me.”

“And you kissed him back?” Magnus asks.

There’s no accusation in his tone, only interest and pure curiosity. Isak nods with a quiet _‘hm’_. He’s feeling his cheeks flush when he remembers what happened next, how Even felt so good around him and how Isak completely lost it when Even’s huge hand was wrapping both of them. His dick twitch only at the memory of it, and Isak just loses his concentration on the game altogether. He gives Magnus the controller back, but the boy just puts it down and keep staring at Isak, waiting for more details.

“I won’t tell you every details, Magnus.” Isak says flatly. “That’s private.”

“No but, like, I just want to know how do you make this work? Like, who’s the guy and who’s the girl?” The blonde boy asks, genuine curiosity painting on his features.

“That’s funny, because I was wondering the same thing about you.” Isak starts, his face serious. “But then, I remembered you don’t have any sex at all.” He huffs a laugh.

Jonas bursts out laughing, clapping Isak’s knee encouragingly. Magnus just looks at him with an oblivious smile, as if he wasn’t aware that the boys were laughing at him. Or maybe he was aware of it but decided not to take it personal. Magnus was good at that, not taking things too personal. That was one of his best qualities, in Isak’s opinion. That, and the fact that he was a good listener. Jonas, too. So Isak felt comfortable enough to confess his love for Even to the boys, telling them how they actually met—he admits his first encounter wasn’t at school—and all the other times Isak and Even hung out together, only the two of them. He tells them about all the study dates, and the holding hands, and the way Isak’s heart stammers in his chest every time Even replaces a loose curl behind Isak’s ear, or the way Even makes him want to be a better person. Isak just tells them all about his first impression of the older boy, about how he fell slowly, then completely for Even. And because Jonas and Magnus are Isak’s best friends, they listen to him carefully, asking him the right questions when they have some, and cheers him with just the right amount of love and support Isak could have dreamed of.

After a while, when Isak is done with his monologue about Even, Jonas shuts the PlayStation down and stretches his arms above his head with a loud groan when he gets up from the couch.

“So.” He begins. “Who wants pizza? I’m starving.”

Magnus and Isak nod vigorously, agreeing with their friend. Jonas goes to the kitchen, the boys on his heels, and opens the top drawer where the take-out menus are. They all look at it, shoulders pressed together, and Isak is so, so grateful for his friends.

They never made it weird when he announced he slept with Even. They were fully comprehensive and supportive of Isak’s feelings, and they didn’t make it a big deal like Isak thought they would. Saying Isak is relieved would be an understatement, because even though things with Even aren’t really easy at the moment, Isak feels free, and loved, and supported by all the person he cares about the most. Coming up always seemed like a big deal, an impossible task to do, but now Isak is breathing again, and he knows deep down in his bones that he’s on the right path to happiness.

Well after the pizza has been delivered and eaten, Isak is lying down on the floor, at the foot of Jonas’ couch, his head propped up on one of his arms. All of his thoughts turn around Even, even though his body is in the same room as his friends. He wonders if Even is still sleeping, if he ate after he left, if he showered. Isak didn’t mind Even’s body odors, he was used to it. It was a strong mixture of sweat, greasy hair, and something else Isak couldn’t identify, but there were also the remnants of Even’s unexplainable scent. And, even though he wished Even could have enough energy to get out of bed, Isak knew he was in no position to force him out or expect that from him.

Isak was looking at a picture of Even and him on his phone when Jonas breaks the trance he was in.

“Maybe we could do something for him.” Jonas says.

“Hm?” Isak snaps his head up from his phone.

“When he’ll get better. We could do something for him, to show him we still care about him and that he’s still our friend even if he was a bit creepy the last time I saw him.”

“Yeah, we could organize him a surprise party, or something.” Magnus suggests enthusiastically.

“Hm, maybe.” Isak thinks it over. “But I don’t think a party would be good for him. He can’t drink or smoke, that’s bad for him.”

“We could have a drink-free party. No, not a party. A gathering. Yeah. A drink-free gathering.” Magnus adds. “Like, for the New Year or after, if he’s doing better. We could invite just some close friends, to remind him how much he’s loved.”

“That’s a good idea.” Jonas smiles, surprised at Magnus.

“Yes, Sana doesn’t drink either, so that would be perfect.” Isak remembers, finally accepting his friends’ suggestion, feeling his heart swells with something like happiness. “I’ll keep you all updated on Even’s moods.”

“I’ll talk to Vilde.” Magnus declares with a little too much eagerness. “I mean, with the girls.” He adds after a split second, while his ears flushes a deep red.

Isak and Jonas exchange a puzzled look, but none of them make a comment about Magnus’ sudden excitement over Vilde. Instead, they all agree and make plans for the ‘drink-free gathering’. They don’t know yet when it will be organized, since it will depend on Even’s moods, but they shout ideas about where it will be, and what they will do. Jonas knows a good recipe for an alcohol-free punch, and Magnus is convinced that Vilde will know games and activities to keep them occupied all night.

Isak leaves Jonas' place around half past ten, exhausted but content. After a long tram ride back home, a hot shower and a few minutes scrolling through Reddit, Isak falls asleep with a hopeful smile on his face and Even on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is a bit shorter, I worked all day and then my brain was too lazy to function until 9pm. 
> 
> I hope you liked it anyway! Things are slowly getting better, don't worry :)  
Even won't be depressed for too long. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are more than welcome, as usual. 
> 
> xx


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas, and Isak has a surprise for Even.

Christmas was almost uneventful, Isak notices. He didn’t have any family party, since his father was in Vienna with his girlfriend, and his mom had abandoned the idea of inviting him at the mass. She still invited him for dinner, but Isak felt bad to let Linn eat alone for Christmas, so he stayed at the kollektiv.

He talked with his mother on the phone for almost an hour, while she was getting dressed and ready for Church. They talked about Even, about his plans for the New Year’s eve—he doesn’t know yet—and about Marianne’s treatment. Everything was going well so far, though she admitted that some days are harder than others. After she hung up, Isak just stayed in his room, watched Netflix and ate dinner with Linn. Eskild was in his family, and Noora was with William’s family, so it was only the two of them. None of them really know how to cook, but fortunately, Even’s mother gave Isak some leftovers from the dinner he had while Even was asleep, and Linn made a salad with it.

Linn and Isak always had a weird relationship, but it’s still comfortable. They both are quiet people, always in their heads, so it’s nice. During dinner, when they weren’t talking about their lives, the silence between them was a comfortable one. Though, because Isak is witnessing what depression looks like a lot lately, he started to notice that Linn might be depressed. He never noticed that before, because he assumed it was just how she was, but now he realizes that she sleeps a lot and doesn’t have much energy most of the time, but he isn’t sure and doesn’t want to presume things if they aren’t justified. He knows that if she needs to talk to someone, she would.

Isak doesn’t have a lot of money, but his dad had sent him some extra money for his rent this month. He probably was just remorseful and apologetic for not being there more for Isak, but to be honest, Isak didn’t care very much. He was just thankful to have an income in his bank account, and with the extra money his dad sent him this month, Isak had some money left for Christmas presents for his roommates, as well as his mom and Even. It isn’t much, because most of his money went into Even’s gift, but it was totally worth it. Isak is eager to give it to him and see his reaction. He hopes Even would like it and that his mood will brighten.

And, if he’s being sincere, he only bought gifts for his roommates because Eskild insisted on it. He said it would put more spirit to their place and a happy vibe, and that it would give them the opportunity to show the others that they cared about them. Eskild wanted everyone to buy a little something for the others, and said they would have an exchange when all of them would be home between Christmas and the New Year.

Isak bought Noora a new red lipstick, though he wasn’t really sure if she needed one, since she didn’t wear hers as much as she did when he first met her. She still wears it sometimes when she gets out with the girls, but he noticed that she didn’t wear it much around when she’s on dates with her boyfriend. For Linn, he found a soft, fluffy blanket that was on sale, and Isak thought it was perfect because Linn was always cold and wrapped up in an old, beat up blanket. It was the most practical gift out of the three, but his favorite was Eskild’s. Eskild’s gift was a little bit more complicated to find, because his personality is so flamboyant and loud, the opposite of Isak, really, but he found it online and got it delivered the day before Christmas. It was a set of two enamel pins. One was a bright colorful rainbow, and the other one was a black square with the words _‘Alt Er Love’ _written in bright yellow on it. It fitted Eskild’s personality like a glove, so Isak was happy with his purchases. He’s pretty sure the three of them will like their gifts, and even though he thought it was a stupid idea, he can’t lie that he’s not excited to see what the others bought for him.

***

The morning after Christmas, Isak stops by the flower shop to get flowers for Even’s mother. Isak’s mom isn’t volunteering today, but she specifically asked the old lady running the shop to prepare a bouquet for him. When he enters the place, the sweet and flowery scents swirled all around him.

“Hei.” He smiles at the lady when he reaches the counter.

The lady is pretty short—Isak is almost two feet taller than her—and so frail, but she looks very much alive. If Isak’s mom hasn’t told him about her knees problems, Isak would never had imagine that the lady was that old. She had a bright smile that reaches her eyes when she notices Isak.

“Hello! You must be Isak?” The old woman says.

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Your mother told me you’d come.” She says, cleaning her hands on her apron. “She asked me to prepare a bouquet for you.”

The owner of the shop—Helga, according to her nametag on her apron—moved around the shop slowly because of her knees, but when she reached the refrigerators where flowers were sorted in big, white containers, she opened the door to the first fridge on the far left and picked up a beautiful bouquet. Isak wasn’t really familiar with flowers names, but the old lady indicated him which flowers were which one. It was an impressive arrangements of pine, red ranunculus and white lilies, with some green leafy-thing. It was very Christmas appropriate, but not too cheesy, and it was perfect.

When Isak walks over to the register, he fishes out his wallet to pay, but Helga dismisses him with her frail hand.

“Don’t worry about it, I already took care of it.” Helga smiles warmly at him.

“What? Are you sure?” Isak asks, concerned. “I—I can pay.”

“No, no, no.” The lady repeats. “It’s all covered. Your mamma is working very hard and is very useful around here. It’s the least I could do, since I can’t afford to pay her justice. Just take these, and have a wonderful day.”

Isak looks fondly at the owner, feeling his heart warms up. He’s not sure if it’s because she’s saying such sweet words about his mom, or if it’s because of the Christmas spirit that still lingers, but he’s speechless.

“Thank you very much.”

He readjusts his backpack on his back, cautious not to smash it against the display behind him, and takes the flowers from Helga’s hands. He thanks her another time, then leaves the place with a wide smile and a happy heart.

He takes a bus to reach Even’s house, and when he knocks on the door, he hopes someone will open the door quickly because he’s starting to get cold and he’s not sure if it’s good for the flowers. Isak’s prayers are being responded and it’s only a few seconds later that Sigrid opens the door. When her eyes land on the flowers in his hand, she smiles warmly at him and puts an arm around his shoulder to hug him.

“Oh, Isak! You shouldn’t have.” She beams.

“Merry Christmas, Sigrid.” He greets her.

“Come inside, I’ll prepare you and Even a cup of tea.”

Sigrid takes the flowers from Isak, steps aside and closes the door behind him. Isak tiptoes out of his shoes, pushes them aside, and takes off his coat and his scarf, hanging them on the hook by the door. Sigrid already left him, heading to the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers and putting the kettle on the stove. Isak watches her pouring water in the vase and setting it on the kitchen island. She delicately puts her hands around the bouquet and inhales the perfume, a smile tugging on her lips.

“Jan is working today, and I promised my sister to visit her for lunch.” She announces when Isak takes a seat on one of the bar stools. “It’s on the other side of Oslo, so I was just about to get ready. I probably will be gone until four, so it’s nice that you’re here. That way, you can keep an eye on Even.”

“How is he doing?” Isak asks, wondering if he’s doing any better.

“He still sleeps a lot, but I think today is a good day. He ate breakfast.” Even’s mother says with a small, hopeful smile. “Just—don’t get him too stimulated. He still needs to rest a bit, but he’ll be happy to see you.”

Isak nods, taking this information to heart. He didn’t plan on keeping Even awake all day, but it was nice to know he gained some energy, even as little as this. Sigrid waits for the water to boil and pours it into two cups, with tea bags in each one of them. Before she hands him the mugs, she looks at him in the eyes.

“If anything happens, please, don’t hesitate and call me or Jan. It’s really important, Isak.”

“I know, don’t worry. I’ll call you when I’ll leave if no one’s home already.”

“That’d be nice of you, thank you so much.”

“Sure.” Isak smiles sincerely.

With that, Sigrid cleans up the kitchen and goes to her room to get ready. Isak takes both of the mugs by their handle in one hand and knocks lightly on Even’s door with his free hand to let him know he has arrived. He opens the door slowly, not to let too much light in at once, then close it behind him. He sets the mugs on Even’s desk—that he tidied a few days ago—and walks up to the loft bed. The curtains are still drawn shut, but there’s a small crack between the two panels, so Isak can see more clearly where he’s going. He also sees Even turning around to face him. He must have gone back to sleep after his breakfast, because his eyes were only two puffy slices, and there was a pillow mark on his cheek. He looked so messy and cute, Isak couldn’t help but to press his lips to Even’s temple.

“Hi baby. How you doin’ today?” Isak asks quietly.

Even just hums, but Isak smiles anyway. It’s more than what Even had expressed during his last visits, so it’s a good sign, Isak thinks.

Isak crouches to his backpack that he had put down at his feet, struggles with the zipper but finally opens the bag. He then grabs Even’s present and puts it delicately on the bed next to Even’s shoulder. 

“I got you a little something.” He murmurs.

By the size of the box—which is almost as big as Even’s head—calling this thing _‘a little something’_ was a bit of an understatement, but Isak didn’t care. He was finally giving Even his gift. And by the size of Even’s eyes, he knows already how Even must feel about it, but he quickly adds something when Even’s mouth drops open.

“Is—“ Even’s voice is gravelly and croaky, so low and deep, it makes something tingles in Isak’s stomach. 

“I know you said no gifts, but I immediately thought of you when I saw this.” Isak blurts out, apologetically.

Even pouts, but repositions himself up on his elbows anyway. Isak helps him sit up properly and puts pillows behind him, so he can get more comfortable. When he’s pressed against the wall, Even takes the box in his hand, and is visibly surprised by the weight of the box.

Thanks to the several YouTube videos Isak watched when he was wrapping his roommates’ gifts, Even’s gift was almost neatly wrapped. There were a few pieces of tape that could have been placed more strategically, but overall, it was nice. The paper was gold because it reminded Isak of Even’s hair, and the ribbon a perfect replica of Even’s deep blue eyes’ color. Isak was feeling ridiculous as he explained it to Even, but the smile on his face game him even more courage. He finally lets Even unwrap the gift, biting his nails down while watching him do so.

Even carefully removes the ribbon, sets it aside, then rips off the gift wrap. When he finally sees the label on the box, his hands still and his breath caught in his throat. His eyes travel up to Isak’s, his mouth agape.

“Is it—?“ Even mutters.

“Yeah.” Isak smiles shyly.

“Isak, I can’t accept this.”

“Babe, it’s alright.” Isak reassures him with fondness in his eyes. “I know yours broke a few months ago, and I know how important it was for you.”

Even looks down at the box in his laps, exhales as if he was trying to convince himself that everything was going to be fine, and he finally opens the lid of the box. As he takes out the protective packaging, Isak notices Even’s hands are shaking slightly. When Even is finally holding the thing in his hands, admiring it with a smile but genuine smile on his face, Isak lets a relieved sigh out.

“Do you like it?” He asks, hopeful.

“I love it.” Even mouths.

Isak smiles.

“I love you.” Isak says.

And—what? He didn’t plan on saying that, but his brain blurted that out on its own accord, and Even looks as shocked as he is. Isak is about to take it back, but to his surprise, Even’s smile softens after a few seconds, and he perches his upper body over the bed rail to be closer to Isak. Isak walks closer to the bed and cups Even’s face between his hands, flattening his hair at the top of his head. He looks at him intently, to make sure this is what he wants. When Even tilts his head and parts his lips, that’s all Isak needs before he leans in and closes the distance between their lips.

After exchanging tender kisses for about two minutes, Even finally breaks the kiss and back off to look again at the thing still sitting in his laps. He makes sure there’s a film in it, then lifts it up to his face, looks through the viewfinder, frames Isak’s face in the lens, and then clicks on the shutter. The flash is blinding in Even’s dark room, and Isak sees stars for a few seconds, but the sound of the picture coming out of the polaroid is nothing, compared to the happy sound Even lets out. That sound is enough to make Isak’s day greater than it was already, and he can’t wait any longer before climbing up the ladder and getting into bed next to Even.

Isak carefully takes the camera from Even’s hands, puts it down on the shelf right next to Even’s bed, and wraps his arms around the older boy’s body. They kiss some more, a little bit deeper than it was, and when Even moans lightly against Isak’s mouth, it takes everything in himself not to get a boner from that sound alone. He’s not here to get laid, he just wants Even to know how much Isak cares for him, so he breaks the kiss unwillingly and tucks Even into the covers, letting him rest and fall asleep on his chest.

Isak must have fallen asleep too, because when he wakes up, the sun has set and the sound of someone cooking dinner in the kitchen was audible. Even still doesn’t want to get out of bed, but Isak has dinner with Even’s parents and brings back to the room a small plate for Even to eat. Even only eats four forkful of the chicken before turning his back on him, but Isak thinks it’s a good start. 

He can’t wait for Even to be fully recovered from his depression, but he knows Even still has a long way to go, so he’s patient and hopeful for the brighter days to come. Because no matter how bad things are when they are bad, things are incredibly good and worth it when they’re good. Isak knows that. That’s exactly why he fell in love with Even, because he was good, and patient, and made Isak realize that everything is worth a second chance, when Isak didn’t think it was worth it.

That, and his fucking smile. 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak visits Even again, and Even is surprisingly awake and a little bit more energetic than he was in the past few days. He also wants to thanks Isak for the christmas present he got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I am SO sorry for the delay, I had a busiest day than I thought I would. 
> 
> This chapter is longer than the others, so please enjoy and don't hate me for posting later than intended. (: 
> 
> And don't worry, I still will update it later today, too!   
So today is a double-post kind of day. 
> 
> /!\ Smut scene at the end of the chapter, after the line. Don't read it if you're not into it! /!\

On the morning of December 28th, when Isak visits Even as his new morning routine, Even’s mother smiles up brightly at him when she opens the door. There’s a gleam in her eyes and her tone is so warm when she greets him, it only takes a second before Isak knows what that means. After taking off his shoes hastily and hanging his layers on ‘his’ hook, he walks towards the kitchen where the voice of Even’s father is audible. And then there is a laugh. It’s not explosive and loud, but it’s still Even’s laugh, and Isak speeds up.

As Isak turns the corner, his cheeks almost hurt from the smile on his face. Even is sitting on the same bar stool Isak sat up at the last time he came here, and he’s leaning against the kitchen island’s countertop, laughing softly at whatever Jan just told him. He’s wearing different clothes than the ones he was wearing all week, and his hair are still wet from the shower he probably just had. At the sound of Isak’s steps entering the kitchen, Even turns his head in his direction.

“Hei.” Even says when he notices Isak.

“Halla.” Isak breathes out in relief.

“Come here.” Even asks, reaching for his hand.

Isak approaches the kitchen island, standing close to Even but not too close, because Even’s parents are still there and Isak’s not sure how he feels about displaying his affection in front of them. Though, Even doesn’t seem to mind because he tugs on Isak’s arm and forces him to sit on his laps. Isak flushes but swings himself up on Even’s laps and gives him a shy smile anyway. Even wraps his arms around Isak’s middle and puts his chin on Isak’s shoulder.

Sigrid puts waffles on a plate for Isak and fills a cup with steaming hot coffee. Isak likes that she doesn’t ask if he wants sugar and milk in it. Jan returns his attention to his tablet, seemingly reading the newspaper online.

“Would you like some jam or cheese on it?” Sigrid asks Isak when she places the plate and the mug in front of him.

“Strawberry jam, please.” Isak replies and smiles back at her.

Sigrid gets the jam from the refrigerator and fishes out cutleries from the drawer on the counter facing the kitchen island. Isak notices a half-eaten waffle next to the sink, and Isak thinks it must be Even’s leftover, because Jan still has a plate in front of him and Sigrid is making herself a plate. It means that Even has eaten a bit more than the previous days, and Isak thinks it’s a really good sign. That, and the fact that Even showered and is out of bed. The older boy is still very silent, though, pressing his face into Isak’s shoulder. 

Isak eats in silence, though his mind is racing with a million questions. Like what exactly changed in Even’s moods, what made him want to get up this morning. Isak knows not to expect too much from Even, they clearly are far from getting out in public and doing something today, because even though Even is up and smiling, his eyes are still heavy with fatigue. And by the way Even’s head is resting on his shoulder, his nose buried in the space between Isak’s neck and shoulders, Isak knows it won’t be long before Even will want to go back to sleep. But at least, he showered and ate more than he did in the last week, and Isak is hopeful.

Jan and Sigrid talk about the family party they are supposed to attend for the New Year’s eve, but they are considering to decline the invitation, since Even is still a bit down. They keep arguing, though their voices are far from loud and hangry like Isak’s parents used to be when they were arguing. Jan wants to stay home for Even because he doesn’t think he’s ready yet to be facing all of his family, but Sigrid wants to go because she hasn’t seen her family in a while. Even doesn’t say anything, but Isak feels his arms wrapping a bit more tightly around him. He doesn’t know the relationship between Even and his family, if they know about him being bipolar or not, and maybe Even isn’t ready to face them because they probably will ask him a lot of questions, and Even’s moods and energy aren’t that high recently. That perspective kills Isak inside, thinking about Even being forced into a family party through his current state would be so energy-consuming.

And—it’s not like having a ‘party’ with his friends would be any less stressful, but maybe it would feel different, since no one is expecting him to be all cheery and bubbly as he normally is. So Isak clears his throat in an attempt to catch everyone’s attention and speaks for the first time since Sigrid asked him what he wanted on his waffle.

“Even could come at my place for the New Year, if you want to go to the party.” Isak offers after wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “I live in a flat with roommates, but they would be happy to have him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, we don’t want to bother you with that.” Jan says, pushing up his glasses higher on his nose.

Isak winces at that, because it’s not like Even was a burden, but he thinks he knows what his father is trying to say nonetheless. Sigrid clicks her tongue.

“I think that’s a good idea, actually.” Sigrid argues, a small grin on her face. “What do you think, baby?” She asks Even.

Even lifts his head up and hums thoughtfully.

“I think I’d like that.” Even says eventually.

“Yeah?” Isak asks, surprised.

He hasn’t really expected him to acquiesce to that plan, because maybe Even wanted to be with his family for the new year or alone at home, but he was happy to learn that Even was agreeing to go to Isak’s for the New Year.

Isak is hoping that maybe, if everything goes well, Even might have enough energy to see their friends and celebrate. This would be the perfect way to start the New Year, with Even and his closest friends by his sides. Isak takes note mentally to remember asking Even later if he thinks he would be ready for that kind of gathering. After all, he doesn’t want to put Even in a delicate situation where he’s surrounded by too many people if he isn’t ready for that.

Isak finishes his plate and brings the remnant of his coffee in Even’s room when they all agreed that Even will go to Isak’s place on the New Year and that Jan and Sigrid will visit their family. It’s a win-win situation for all of them. Isak will spend time with Even and his friends, and Sigrid won’t have to decline the invitation.

As expected, it only takes Even a few minutes before going back to sleep after breakfast is over, but Isak doesn’t mind. He lies down in bed with his arms around Even, making sure the boy is all tucked in the covers and that he’s comfortable. His mother must have changed the sheets when Even was in the shower, because when they climbed the ladder, the bed was made and smelled like fresh cotton out of the dryer. When Even’s breathing is constant and peaceful, Isak takes his phone from his pocket and sends a quick message to the boys to keep them updated with Even’s situation and let them know Even will be at the kollektiv for the New Year’s eve. Magnus is excited and supportive and responds all in caps. His enthusiasm is reciprocated by Jonas and Mahdi when they hear about the news.

_Isak: Even has showered and ate breakfast today _

_Magnus: WOW THAT’S SO GREAT_

_Mahdi:_ _👍_

_Isak: also, he’s going to be at my place for NYE. dunno if he’s gonna be ok with it but maybe we could have the alcohol-free party we talked about the other day? _

_Magnus: OMG YES TOTALLY _

_Jonas: Yeah that’d be great! And it’s the perfect occasion to celebrate._

_Mahdi: First of all, I’m really pumped about it. But also wtf???? _

_Magnus: OH WE TOTALLY FORGOT TO TELL YOU _

Isak lets Magnus explain the whole story to Mahdi, because his friend seems more excited than himself about the party, and also because he feels Even turning around in his arms and Isak is afraid he woke him up, but Even just snuggles himself closer to him. Isak shuts his phone down, puts his arm back around Even’s shoulders and plants kisses on top of his head. He lets his thoughts wander, his eyes projecting patterns on Even’s ceiling, and tries to remember what he saw in his biology classes because he’s a nerd and can’t think of anything else except sciences and Even.

When Even wakes up next, his body still feels heavy and his mind foggy from oversleeping, but his mind is noticeably uplifted a bit. Isak finishes his—now cold—coffee and helps Even out the bed, then waits for him while he goes to the bathroom.

The room is more tidy because he cleaned it a few days ago when he was bored, though he didn’t look properly at what the mess was. He knew there were drawings and photographs, but also there was photography equipment that Isak had no idea what the purpose was, some dirty clothes that he tossed in the laundry bin, and cleaned Even’s desk a little. Isak is looking at a drawing on Even’s wall when the tall blonde that stole his heart reappears next to him.

“Is this supposed to be me?” Isak asks, his eyes still on the drawing.

On a piece of paper that must have been teared from a notebook, there’s a cartoon version of himself wearing a cap backwards and a white t-shirt, and it’s a succession of three drawings. The Isak in the first drawing is looking sad, tears running down its cheeks. Then, in the second one, he looks up at the viewer with a curious glare. Finally, in the third one, there’s a tiny smile on his face and the tears have disappeared.

Isak isn’t sure what that’s supposed to represent, but it’s well executed and he could almost feel the emotions the drawings were trying to express. Even breaks his reverie when he agrees with Isak.

“Yes. It was the first time I saw you.” He says, his voice small and far in his own thoughts.

“What?”

“When you visited your mom at the hospital for the first time.” Even says. “You—you looked so hurt, and scared. You told me your mom didn’t recognize you.”

“Yes, but I didn’t smile at you, that day.” Isak says, confused. 

“No.” Even acknowledges. “You smiled at your phone when you left, but this is what I wish happened, though. I wanted to be the one to put a smile back on your face so bad, but I didn’t have the time to talk to you any longer, so I drew it instead.”

“You mean, like in an alternate universe?” Isak gulps.

Even stares at Isak in silence, trying to understand Isak’s sentence, but then nods. Isak looks back at the drawing, at the last one precisely. Even has seen him smile after he left? Something in Isak’s head tells him this is creepy, but also, another part of Isak’s mind tells him this is the sweetest thing someone did for him. When he’s done staring at the drawing, Isak turns on his heels and comes closer to Even, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him in a hug.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened in my life.” Isak mumbles, his face pressed into Even’s chest. 

Even chuckles, putting his arms around Isak’s shoulders and his head on top of his.

“Do you wanna go back to sleep?” Isak asks, when Even feels heavy in his arms.

“No.” He pouts. “But I need to lie down.”

Isak steps aside to give Even enough place to climb back the ladder. Isak is about to follow him up, but Even turns to him and points at his desk.

“Bring the laptop.” Even tells him.

“Ok?”

“I don’t want to sleep, but we could watch a movie.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.”

Isak grabs the laptop from Even’s desk and hands it to Even over the rail of his bunk bed. He then climbs the ladder and finds his place back next to Even, in the warmth of the covers. They shuffle to find a comfortable position for both of them, and Even opens his computer. He scrolls through the films saved on his desk, and Isak is surprised by the amount of content Even has, though he shouldn’t be. Even is always talking about movies and photography, and arts in general. Isak lets Even put Romeo + Juliet, because he knows Even loves that movie. He can’t help his eyes rolling at the back of his head though, but it’s more fondly than anything else.

Isak is watching the movie without much entertainment, his attention always coming back up to Even’s face. Two hours later, though, Isak can’t help the tear rolling down his cheek. He tries to wipe it before Even sees him, but he fails miserably because Even pokes at his other cheek.

“Look at you!” Even smiles. “Who knew you were into drama movies?”

“I’m not! There was something in my eye.” Isak pouts, but there’s no point in arguing with Even right now.

“Sure, you do.” Even shakes with laughter. “It’s ok, you have every right to feel something. Damn, it’s meant to rip your heart out of your chest.”

“How can you watch this without crying?” Isak is stunned.

“Oh, I cry sometimes. But I watched it enough time that I am sort of immune to it.”

Even shuts the computer and turns to Isak. They stare at each other in silence for what feels like hours, but it’s probably only seconds.

“I never thanked you for your present.” Even says, concern creeping between his brows.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to.” Isak shakes his head.

“But I want to.” Even looks down at Isak’s mouth.

Even’s eyes are slowly becoming darker with a sentiment Isak isn’t sure how to handle. He darts his tongue out to wet his lips, and sees the way Even’s breath catches in his breath at that. When he rises his eyes back to look at Isak’s, his irises almost swallowed all of the blue of his eyes. And, even though Isak could swim in the blue of Even’s eyes all day, Isak is _dying _to be swallowed in the two black holes Even’s pupils created just now. They lean at the same time, in a silent, common accord, and link theirs lips together. It’s hot and messy, and way more intimate than what they shared in the last week. Even’s tongue is pushing through Isak’s lips to meet with Isak’s tongue, and Isak lets him. He puts a hand on the back of Even’s neck, and Even cups Isak’s face in his hand. Their chests are pressed together, and Isak can feel the pace at which Even’s heart is beating against his own, and it’s exhilarating. They're beating loud and fast, in sync with the other one, and Isak is melting. 

When Even’s hand trails up to Isak’s hair and tugs at his curls, Isak lets a moan out. It resonates in Even’s mouth, and both of them are soon panting and breathing the other one in, desperately wanting to feel more from the other one. Isak can feel his dick hardening, but he doesn’t want Even to think they have to do anything. Even tackles him down onto the mattress though, and Isak can feel just how much Even is as aroused he is. Even breaks the kiss so he can trail his mouth down to Isak’s jaw, and down his neck, and his collarbone. Isak’s hands fly to Even’s hair and shoulder, his head tilting back with pleasure. Even’s mouth is hot and slippery with saliva, and Isak can feel his own dick twitch, sending chills through his whole body. 

“Evy—“ Isak pleads.

“Yeah, baby?” Even’s voice is gravelly and low.

It’s so sexy, Isak thinks he can feel a bead of pre-cum leaking from his dick already.

“I—ah—please.”

“What do you want, Isak.” Even looks up at him, a small grin on his face.

His lips are so red and plump, Isak only wants him to put them back on him. On his mouth, on his neck, on his belly, on his dick. Everywhere. Isak wants to feel Even everywhere at the same time, and it’s burning him inside with desire. When Isak still hasn’t said anything, Even lifts Isak’s shirt over his chest and puts his mouth on Isak’s left nipple. He plays with it with his tongue, breathing out hot air on it, and Isak hisses.

“Fy faen, Ev. Just—“ Isak whines.

“Yeah, baby?”

“T-touch me.” Isak asks when his brain finally seems to work. “Please.” He adds.

Isak can feel Even smiles against his tit, and Even bites his hardened nipple gently, before slowly pressing his hands on Isak’s thighs, going up from his knees to his inner thighs. Isak bucks his hips up, trying to get some more friction in that area. Even pushes him down, though, and smiles up at him.

“Patience.” He says softly.

“Sorry.” Isak closes his eyes. “I just—I don’t want to pressure you or anything, it just feels so good.” He opens his eyes again and looks down at Even between his legs.

“It’s fine. I just want the wait to be worth it.” Even teases him.

Isak rolls his eyes, but smiles at Even. Even is all crouched in his position, and Isak realizes he doesn’t have enough room so he sits straighter to give Even enough room for him to be comfortable. Even repositions himself between Isak’s thighs and looks up at him hesitantly.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Isak asks, his heart swelling at the idea of Even actually not wanting to. “Because you don’t have to, if you’re not—“

“Yeah. I want to.” Even reassures him. “Don’t you?”

“Yeah.” Isak says after a few seconds.

“Good.” Even smiles tenderly.

He gets up on his elbows to give a quick peck on Isak’s lips, then with his long, slender fingers, he unbuttons Isak’s jeans and pull them down alongside with his underwear. Isak’s dick bobbles up and slaps against his belly, and Isak flushes at the sight of Even’s eyes following it with so much intensity and wetting his lips. Even grabs Isak’s dick at the base and strokes gently on him, sliding his fingers up and down, giving it a few tugs before finally putting his mouth around it.

Isak groans at the sensation, his hands flying to Even’s air once again and tugging at them. Even’s moan resonates through his dick and it feels so good Isak wants to scream his name. But he bites down his lower lip, because Even’s parents are still in the house, and he certainly doesn’t want them to know what they’re doing. He breathes out through his nose loudly and concentrates on the feeling of Even’s tongue licking his dick, his lips around his cock, and—fuck. Even is going deep so fast, Isak worries he might choke on his dick. He tries to lift Even’s head slowly.

“Don’t—fuck—don’t choke on it.” Isak pants.

Isak can feel Even smiles around him, but he continues to swallow more and more of Isak’s length. Isak relaxes into the pillow behind his head and whimpers lightly when he feels his dick hitting the back of Even’s throat. Fuck, it’s only the second time he’s fucking Even’s mouth, but it feels like the first time all over again. Isak is consumed by his senses, burning from the desire, chilling from all the tangles he feels in lower area. Even is playing with his balls, his head still bobbing to an imaginary beat, cheeks hollow and tongue sliding against all of his size. The familiar tickles at the bottom of his balls sack warns him that he’s getting close, but Isak doesn’t want to come already. He wants to feel more of Even, more of him all around him. One of his hands land on Even’s shoulder, pressing it firmly, while the other is still buried in Even’s golden hair, grasping at it.

God, it’s so good he feels like he might cry.

“Ev, baby.” Isak gasps.

Isak looks down at him just as Even looks up at him through his lashes, and the sight is just—it’s so fucking beautiful. Even is beautiful, cheeks all flushed and lips plump and red from all the friction, his nose pressed against the small patch of Isak’s pubic hair. It’s just so overwhelming, Isak can’t form words anymore. His mouth drops open, and he feels the sudden need of caressing Even’s face. He wants to kiss him until sunset and sunrise, and tell him how beautiful he is, how much he feels good around him, how much he is the only one who can make him feel like the world is spinning round and upside down at the same time.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Isak breathes out.

Even groans, eyes dark with lust and decides to speed up his pace, swallowing harder on Isak’s cock, and if the feeling of his groan wasn’t intoxicating enough, the speed and feeling of Even’s throat swallowing his entire dick senseless is what makes Isak lose control.

He shoots his cum straight down Even’s throat, his grip on Even’s shoulder even more strong than it was seconds ago, and he feels bad because there certainly will be marks on his shoulders and scalp. Isak is trembling and gasping for air, his eyes having difficulty to stay open. There are stars dancing in front of his eyes, but Isak wants to see Even. He wants to witness the deep red flush on his cheeks, the way his dick is all covered in saliva, and the way Even’s eyes are drooping shut but still filled with thirst. His hair are a tangled mess from Isak gripping at them so tightly, and they both are panting and reaching for the other one when Even’s mouth leaves Isak’s dick. Even’s hands are on Isak’s thighs, caressing his sides and he rests his head on his thighs. Isak’s hands are delicately caressing Even’s hair and face, and Isak feels a something bloom in his chest. He’s so gone for the boy, he doesn’t know how to keep it all for himself. He knows it’s too early to put his feelings on the tables, but he also feels like they were both dancing around the other one for a long time. He just was too blind and too stubborn to accept it, but Isak definitely feels it in his bones.

“I know it’s too early, but I meant what I said the other day.” Isak murmurs, not wanting to break the comfortable silence around them.

Even doesn’t reply, once again, but he hums in acknowledgment. Isak admires Even’s side, at how his mouth is sinfully plump and red and delicious, and how Even’s chest rises and sinks slowly with every breath he takes. Even’s dick is still hard, Isak notices, but there’s a noticeable wet spot in front of his sweatpants, and Isak sighs. He’s a little disappointed not to have had the chance to return him the favor, but a voice in his mind tells him how hot it is that Even came only from sucking Isak. And, well, he’s a teenager after all, so Isak is really turned on by that.

Isak gently pushes Even off of him, pulls back up jeans and boxers, wincing a bit at the feeling of Even’s saliva still being all over the place, straining already his boxers, but Isak doesn’t mind it. He just repositions himself down on the bed, under the covers, and turns on his side to put a hand around Even’s middle.

Isak suddenly remembers he wanted to ask Even about the New Year’s eve, but Even is breathing regularly and exhaling loudly, his body still. He fell asleep so fast, Isak doesn’t have the heart to wake him up. He nuzzles his nose behind Even’s neck, at the nape of his neck where his hair are tickling his nose but he stays there, his face pressed into Even’s back, his arms holding him tight, his legs following the shape of Even’s.

Isak falls asleep pretty fast, too.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's New Year's eve, and Isak makes sure everything is going to be ok.

When they wake up after their nap, Even and Isak talk about Even’s moods. Isak asks him if he thought he would be ready to face people. He doesn’t tell him exactly how many people are invited because he’s not sure if Magnus has respected Isak’s request, but he wanted to make sure Even would be comfortable enough. He also wants to make sure Even understand he has a right of veto on it. If he doesn’t want people to be there, Isak would turn down everyone without any hesitation. All that matters to him is that Even is ok. He could have a party with his friends any other time. This night is going to be all about Even, and if Even doesn’t want it, then so be it.

Together, they explore every situation imaginable, if ever Even is struggling to socialize. Isak assures him that he would send everyone home if the party was becoming too consuming for Even, and Even tries his best to be enthusiast about it, not wanting to be the party pooper.

Even is still sleepy and feeling a bit down, but they kiss for most of the afternoon before Isak has to go home. Even promises Isak he’ll text him whenever he wakes up, and Isak promises Even he’ll do anything to make him comfortable during the New Year’s party.

***

Surprisingly, everyone agreed to the alcohol-free party. Isak was worried that Eva and Vilde might chicken out, since the New Year is one of the biggest opportunity to party hard and fool around, but all of the girls were really chill about it, and Mahdi even said he wouldn’t bring weed with him to make sure the party is as drug-free as possible. Isak sends everyone a thousand ‘thank you’ messages on Messenger, letting them know how important it is for him and that he’s more than grateful that everyone is considerate of Even’s state. Sana being the only one in the group who never drinks or smokes is happy to finally have a night where she isn’t the only sober one.

On December 31th, Isak has been running around his apartment for at least three hours, trying to clean up every visible surfaces, scrubbing the sinks and the toilet, dusting off the shelves and emptying the trash cans. Noora and Eskild throw concerned looks at him, but Isak is determined to make the apartment look nice and tidy for the party. Isak has sent at least twenty messages to the boys, to make sure everything was in order. Jonas went grocery shopping with Magnus for snacks, and Eskild is on drinks-duty, since he’s working in a bar. Obviously, this is supposed to be an alcohol-free party, but Eskild knows recipes that can be altered with sodas or juice instead. Noora, Vilde and Chris are installing decorations in the living room, and Eva, Mahdi, and Sana aren’t there yet. Linn is somewhere in her room, probably asleep under a thousand layers of blankets.

Around four in the afternoon, Even’s parents drop him off at Isak’s place before heading to Sigrid’s family. Before he has the time to take off his coat and his boots, Even is being greeted by an over-excited Eskild. The girls come in the hallway and hug him and wish him a happy new year, and when he finally has the chance to calm down from all the commotion of his arrival and take off his layers, Isak leads him to his bedroom. Eskild sends him a knowing look and whistles after them, but Isak rolls his eyes and ignores his roommate.

“I told everyone that my bedroom is off-limit, no matter the reason.” Isak begins, once they’re in his room. “I want this to be your safe place, if this gets too much for you. You can come in here, relax and come back when you’re ready, or you can call me if you want everyone to leave.”

“Isak, you’re—I…” Even stutters, lost for words.

His eyes are filled with adoration, admiration, and a little bit of something Isak can’t decipher yet. Isak tightens his grip around Even’s fingers to let him know it’s alright, that everything is going to be alright. Even is doing much better than he was during the last two weeks, but he still is less energetic than usual, his face very neutral and his body slow and seemingly heavy when he moves. But Isak knows he’s trying to be open, to be more receptive to everything around him, and his heart is contracting either with fondness or insecurity. He’s hoping that Even will have a good time, that his friends won’t be too overwhelming for Even.

Even lowers his head, looks at the floor, and bites his lips.

“You really didn’t have to go out of your way only to make me happy.” Even says. 

“I know.” Isak huffs with a chuckle. “But Magnus would have killed me if I didn’t organize a party, and everyone here is happy to see you. Everyone likes you, Even.”

“I know, it’s just—“ Even sighs. “You’re incredible. Thank you for organizing this.”

Even finally lifts his head to loop up at Isak, and Isak only wants to hold him tight. So he does just that, he grabs Even’s waist and pulls him into a hug, breathing in his scent and grasping the soft material of his shirt in his fists. Even wraps his long arms around Isak’s shoulders, returning the unspoken words between them. They stay like this a few seconds before there’s a knock on the door. They only have the time to look up at the door, bodies still tangled, when the door abruptly opens.

“EVEN!” Magnus squeaks, walking in the room, ignoring completely the off-limit rule.

Magnus crashes into them, wrapping his arms around the two boys with a big, goofy laugh. His enthusiasm is overflowing, Isak thinks he might as well have enough excitement for the three of them. Even laughs, delighted by Magnus’ sudden burst of love, and Isak is pressed between his two friends in an uncomfortable way. Magnus’ cold hands are around his neck, and with the force of Magnus’ hug, Even’s right knee knocked him right next to his balls. Isak lets a complaining whines escape his mouth, trapped between these two idiots.

“Mags, let me breathe.” Isak scoffs. 

Magnus backs off, but let his hands on both boys’ shoulders. His face is lightened up by a huge smile, and he looks like a kid who just discovered that Santa Claus brought him the toy he’s been dreaming about for forever.

“Oh my God, Even, I’m so happy to see you! Isak wouldn’t let us visit you.” Magnus pouts, and Isak throws him a glare.

“What the fuck? I never said that.” Isak complains.

“Yes, you said you didn’t think it was a good idea if we visited him.” Magnus argues.

Isak rolls his eyes and turns to Even.

“I didn’t phrase it like that.” He swears. “I just didn’t want them to disturb you because, obviously, Magnus can’t stay calm and that would’ve been too overwhelming for you.”

Even is laughing at the interaction between the two boys, and soon enough they’re joined by Jonas that stands in the doorway.

“Magnus, fucking hell. I had to carry all the food up on my own.” He growls.

“Sorry, I had a text from Vilde that said Even has arrived and I was so excited, I wanted to come and see him!” Magnus apologizes, though it sounds more like he’s still incredulous that Even is here.

“So what? I’m as excited to see Even as you are—hi Even.” Jonas interrupts himself to greet Even with a warm smile. “But yeah, next time, just help me out.” He adds for Magnus before heading back to the kitchen where the bags were all sitting on the table.

***

The party is going well. So, so well. It’s even better than he could’ve imagine, and Isak is feeling somewhat happy. Sana and Eva showed up around six, and Mahdi came later because he had a family dinner he couldn’t avoid. Eskild is loud and excited as always, and it fits Magnus’ state of mind perfectly. They both are talking loudly and vigorously with their friends. Eskild prepared a pitcher of sangria and some other drinks Isak doesn’t know the names of. Vilde has prepared games for the evening, which reminds Isak how he totally avoided the kosegruppa meetings after the first one. Vilde visibly remembered, but she was nice enough not to be bitter at him for that. Sana and Even seem way too comfortable around each other, considering that Isak never saw them talking to each other that much at school, but he doesn’t worry about it too much. He’s just happy that all of his friends are including Even in their lives like they do, making Isak a little bit emotional.

All evening long, Isak tried not to be too tactile around Even, because he’s not sure how Even feels about it, or how everyone will react. It’s not like Isak and Even are officials or anything, but Isak is pretty sure that everyone here has suspicions about them. Eskild sends Isak knowing looks every once in a while, Eva talks to Even about Isak’s embarrassing stories, and Magnus and Jonas just shoots Isak grins and wiggle their eyebrows in Even’s direction. As much as Isak would love to go to Even and sit in his laps, or puts his arm around Even’s waist, or press a kiss to Even’s cheek, he refrains himself. They haven’t had The Talk yet, so he’s not sure how to behave in public.

Isak is in the kitchen with his boys while the girls, Eskild and Even are all gathered in the living room. He’s mostly listening to the boys talking, sometimes laughing or nodding to whatever they say, but really, all of his attention is turned to Even. He can’t keep his eyes off of him for longer than two minutes, and Even must feel his gaze on him because every time Isak looks at him, Even turns his head and smiles up at him. Isak feels his cheeks flush every time. He’s still not used to be this infatuated by someone, especially not a guy, and the fact that his closest friends know makes it probably worse because they can tease him for the way he behaves now.

There are only fifteen minutes before midnight, and the boy squad join the others in the living room to celebrate the last few minutes of the year together. Even though everyone is really hyped right now, talking animatedly, Even seems tired and Isak tries not to worry too much. When Even excuses himself from the conversation he’s having with Sana and Eva and walks into the hallway towards the bedrooms, it takes everything in Isak not to go after him already. Maybe Even just needs to go to the bathroom, maybe he just needs a minute to himself. When it’s been five minutes and Even still hasn’t showed up again, Isak looks at his phone intently, waiting for Even to call him or text him. Anything. He just needs to know Even is ok, but he also doesn’t want to let his friends down only a few minutes before the New Year.

“Go.” Jonas interrupts his thoughts.

“You’re sure?” Isak snaps up his head.

“We’re fine, Isak.” He smiles reassuringly. “Even probably needs you more than we do.”

“Yeah, go get your man!” Magnus exclaims a little bit too loud for Isak’s liking.

Isak nods, puts his phone back into his pocket and walks to his bedroom. The door is shut, so he knocks gently on it, announcing himself in. When he cracks the door open, Even is sitting on the edge of Isak’s bed, looking out the window. He doesn’t look back at Isak when Isak lets himself in and closes the door behind him. He just shrugs when Isak asks him if he’s alright.

“Yeah, I’m just exhausted, I guess.” Even manages to say.

“Is it because of the people?” Isak sits down next to Even.

“No, I just had a long day.” Even looks down at his hands in his laps.

He’s toying with the fabric of his sweater and biting his lips like he’s trying not to say out loud what’s on his mind, and Isak’s brows furrow.

“Is everything ok?” Isak asks, remembering the first words Even spoke to him.

“Yeah.” He breathes out shakily.

“Even, you can tell me.” Isak puts a hand on Even’s.

Even takes a deep breath, his chest rising as he does so.

“I just don’t understand how you could love me.” Even mutters, his voice small and sad. “I’m a mess, I totally fucked up your relation with Emma, and I-I know you have feelings for me and I don’t doubt they’re genuine.” Even says it out in one exhale. “I just don’t get it. I don’t want to let you hope that something between us is possible when I know I’ll hurt you, and I don’t want to bother you with my illness. Things can be very bad, I could hurt you, and I would never accept that.” He finally looks up at Isak.

Isak’s breath catches in his throat, his heart squeezing uncomfortably in his chest. Did Even just said things between them would be impossible?

“But you’re—you said you wanted to kiss me since the Halloween party.” Isak blurts out, confused.

“I did. I still do.” Even agrees. “I like you, Isak. I think I might like you too much for my own good.”

“Then why would things be impossible?” Isak insists. “Because I fucking love you, Even. I’m in love with you and I don’t care about your illness.”

“It’s not that easy…”

“No, I know.” Isak cuts him. “I know things can get dirty and ugly and I don’t fucking care. I’m not scared of you. I’m not scared of your episodes, and you’re not a burden. You never were.”

“You don’t get it.” Even sighs angrily, tears filling his eyes. “You deserve someone happy, someone that will make you happy and won’t hurt you.”

Isak lets go of Even’s hand to tug at his own hair in frustration. He tries breathing in and out through his nose to keep his calm. How the fuck things can be so good one day and the other so bad? Isak desperately wants to prove Even how much he cares about him and how much he’s in too deeply to backtrack now. When he thinks his thoughts are clear enough, Isak speaks up again.

“See, the thing is, you make me happy, Even.” He breathes out. “You make me so fucking happy. I’ve never been happier in my entire life, and because of you I have a better relationship with my mother than I could’ve imagine possible. I’m finally at peace with myself, and if it wasn’t for you, I’d never accepted that part of myself that makes me so alive when I’m with you. And I swear to God, I couldn’t care less about anyone else. Emma, or some other girl, or some other boy, or anyone else. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

Isak grabs Even’s shoulders and turns him so they can be face to face. Even doesn’t resist, but his eyes are teary and his bottom lip is red from Even biting down at them too hard. Isak’s left hand lifts up to Even’s face, and with his thumb he frees Even’s bottom lip from his teeth delicately.

“I’m not scared, Even.” Isak murmurs. “I’m not scared of you, of your illness. You’re not a walking disease, you’re not a burden.”

“But I’ll hurt you…” Even croaks out.

“Then so be it.” Isak shrugs. “I don’t mind getting hurt by you, Even. You’re not alone. You hear me? You’re not alone in this. I’ll stick by your side no matter what happens, I won’t let you down. I promise I won’t run away at the first opportunity like I did with my mom.”

Isak can see the resignation in Even’s eyes deflates, and he knows he’s winning him over every time he opens his mouth. So he continues. 

“I’m more experienced than before, I am way more prepared to face whatever might come in our way.” Isak assures him. “Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me now. I’m not going anywhere.”

Even is silent for a minute, staring at Isak with so much intensity and uncertainty. Isak’s words must have an impact on him though, because Isak can feel Even relax under his palm. He can see his eyes soften, his determination slipping away.

And when the voices in the living room are loud and cheery, the countdown has officially begun.

_“TEN… NINE… EIGHT...”_

Isak looks at Even intently, his breathing picking up a little. Even looks back at him with just as much intensity.

_“SEVEN… SIX… FIVE…”_

Isak looks down at Even’s lips and darts his tongue out to wet his own. Even mirrors him, lifting a hand around Isak’s neck, his thumb gently caressing Isak’s jaw.

_“FOUR…THREE… TWO…”_

Isak tilts his head and leans in, giving enough room for Even to back off if he changes his mind.

_“ONE…”_

Even doesn’t back off, doesn’t change his mind. He just leans into Isak’s space achingly slowly.

And their lips collide together just as their friends’ voices burst into ‘Happy New Year’ in the living room. Isak sighs in the kiss, and let his hands grasp around Even’s shirt more tightly to hold him in place, to make sure he won’t run away. But, really, he doesn’t need to, because Even is melting under his touch, breathing the exact same air as Isak, and he’s tugging at Isak’s hair with the exact same force as Isak.

Isak can hear his friends scream excitedly in the living room, can hear the fireworks outside and the loud cheers in the streets of Oslo, and can hear his neighbors celebrating just as loud as his friends in the living room, but the only sounds he can focus on right now are the beating of his heart drumming in his ears and the soft whimpers Even is making against his mouth.

***

Isak and Even never showed up in the living room again after they disappeared in Isak’s room, but none of them seem to mind. They’re in their own bubble, celebrating the New Year their own way with their mouths all over each other. And so what if Even didn’t say those three words he’s eager to hear. Isak knows Even loves him back, he just needs more time to process it and to say it back. There’s no place between them for Isak to doubt any of Even’s feelings. Deep down in his bones, he knows. He just needs to be patient and considerate of Even's feelings.

Kissing Even sends a thousand tiny fireworks through his body. Kissing Even feels like a volcano exploded inside of him and the lava is running through him. It feels like a poisonous venom running in his blood, but it also feels like kissing Even is the cure to all of his bruises.

So he kisses him endlessly, kisses him deeply until Even falls asleep and even after that, kisses him softly every time he wakes up in the middle of the night to remind himself he’s here, kisses him good morning when he wakes up just in time to see the sun rise.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they're back at school, Emma is pissed at Isak and make a scene in the cafeteria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii! 
> 
> Sorry I'm posting late again, I came back from work at 21h, and needed to shower and write my chapter because it still wasn't done, so yeah, it's a bit shorter than usual, but I really wanted to upload it tonight, so here it is. I hope there aren't too many mistakes, I didn't take the time to reread myself, so please forgive me. ^^' 
> 
> Thank you all for your comments, they really melts my heart every time!  
You're all amazing, and I can't thank you enough for all of your kind words. 
> 
> xx

Isak and Even have been dating officially since the New Year’s Eve, though they clearly had a thing going on for longer than that and all of their friends knew it, or at least had suspicions. Even was feeling better, only feeling a little bit more tired than usual but clearly more energetic. He started eating and showering every day, and went outside at least twice before school began again.

In January, when they had to go back to school, Isak completely forgot he never came out publicly. Sure, his close friends knew about him and Even, but most people didn’t know yet. He was somewhat stressed about it, worried that he might get teased or bullied like he was in elementary school, so he tried to refrain his public demonstration of affection to the minimal. During lunch, though, Even has scooted his chair closer to Isak’s and slipped his hand on Isak’s thigh under the table. He picked in Isak’s plate with a grin, ignoring the glare Isak was giving him—though Isak didn’t really mind. He was happy that Even was feeling better and eating. His cheeks had regained their natural rosy shade.

They were laughing at one of Mahdi’s joke when Emma and her friends burst in front of them, anger written all over her face. Her arms were folded, firmly pressed against her chest, and she was had the typical look of a cartoon being angry, all red faced and steam coming out of their ears. Honestly, if Emma wasn’t so pissed at himself, he would’ve laughed. Even her friends looked somewhat threatening.

Instead, he sits straighter in his chair and gulps nervously, moving his leg away from Even’s touch.

“Are you fucking serious?” She yells at Isak, not caring one bit that everyone around the table stopped their conversations to look at her and Isak.

“Emma, hei.” Isak tries, shameful.

“Don’t fucking _‘hei’ _me! I’ve tried to call you at least twenty times over the holidays, and you never picked up the phone. I thought that you weren’t feeling well when you broke up with me and that maybe if we talked about it you’d realize it was a mistake and want to get back together, but then I learn from a friend that she heard about you being gay? I was like _‘oh no, that’s not possible’_ but then, the first thing I see when I walk into the cafeteria is that you’re with _him_?” She gives Even a dirty look, pursing her lips and nose in something close to disgust.

Most conversations around them seem to die, too. Isak can feel eyes on him, can hear the reactions of other classmates he never really cared about but definitely didn’t want them to know about his private life. He gulps, trying not to move. He’s afraid that if he moves, his whole body will tremble with shame and fear.

Isak wishes he could laugh at her, to pretend she’s being crazy and that what she says makes no sense. But he knows that it wouldn’t fool anyone. It only would put gas on the fire, and Emma was explosive enough not to add to her temper. And, really, he doesn’t want to hurt Even either. He saw from the corner of his eye how he backed up at Emma’s words, how bad it hurt him. It was as if Emma had slapped him, and Isak doesn’t know how to react. He really wants to stand up for himself and Even’s sake, but he’s petrified. His breathing is quick, and he can feel his armpits dampening with sweat.

Isak isn’t sure if the emotions in Emma’s eyes are incredulity, pain, disgust, or sadness. Or maybe all of them. He really can’t tell.

“Emma, I-“ He croaks out, his voice suddenly dry and gravelly like he just spent the last four days in the desert.

“You know what, Isak?” The brunette interrupts him, unlinking her arms. “I always thought that there was something wrong with you, but I tried to shut these thoughts down because I really thought that you were the coolest guy in this school and I was so excited to be yours.” She continues, spilling her poison at Isak.

Emma huffs, as if what she just said was funny. She takes a pause, looks between Even and Isak, the emotions in her eyes shifting to something like pity when they land back on Isak’s.

“But now I realize that I never was, that you just tricked me like all the other girls before, that you couldn’t even get a fucking boner.” She says out loud, and Isak’s stomach just drops to the floor, crashing into pieces like the expensive china in his mother’s kitchen.

Isak can hear some people holding their breath in surprise, some other whistling awkwardly, and even some people chuckling. Isak can’t look at her anymore, so he lowers his gaze to his half-eaten burger and fries, and closes his eyes when he feels too dizzy. His hands are sweaty and he feels like he could punch something right now, so he clenches his fists and tries to breathe through his nose. Isak is pretty sure that his face, neck and ears are all red, from the blood boiling inside of him.

“That’s fucking pathetic, Isak. You need to grow a pair and face your fears, damn it.” Emma continues, not caring at all that Isak is seconds away from snapping.

For so long, he tried to repress who he was, to hide that part of him, to deny it. He didn’t accept himself, always told himself he didn’t really liked boys, that maybe he was just being crazy like his mom. He cried so many times at night, praying that his brain would work normally when he’d wake up, but he was so scared of not being normal that in the end, he just never slept. Isak was only starting to accepting this part of himself, but Emma telling him to grow a pair was fucking too much.

“Ok, I think that’s enough.” Jonas’ voice breaks in, firmly. “Maybe that discussion should be private.”

“No, it’s fine.” Emma scoffs. “I’m done. I don’t wanna talk to him ever again.”

Isak doesn’t see her—his eyes are still closed—but he hears her turning on her heels and stomping away, her friends following her.

Isak’s ear are buzzing from the white noise inside of his brain, trying to shut down everything around him. The voices of his friends are diffused, as if he was underwater. It takes him a second or two before the noise around him finally reach his ears normally. When Isak feels Jonas’ hand on his shoulder, Isak bolts out of his chair and storms away. He dodges a couple of students with their tray, he even pushes an innocent girl on the side to get out of there faster.

When he finally reaches the bathroom, his vision is all blurred by the tears, his breath ragged in his chest and every bone in his body feel like cloths. He slams the door behind him and find comfort in one of the bathroom stalls. Isak sits on the toilet cover and pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his legs with his arms and lets his head fall on his forearms. He lets out a guttural sound, not able to control himself anymore. His eyes are flowing with hysterical tears, his whole body trembling like a leaf in the wind.

He kind of feel bad for letting Even behind, because he’s pretty sure that he’s been hurt too, but Isak’s brain is being selfish at the moment and all he can think about is how Emma just fucking outed him, in the fucking cafeteria. The whole fucking school heard it, he’s sure. It was so silent around them, all eyes on him and Even. Emma was so pissed, she was spilling information about his personal life out in the open, telling everyone he wasn’t able to have a fucking boner. How embarrassing is it, really?

And as if the situation wasn’t embarrassing enough, the door to the bathroom opens and Isak can hear rushed steps coming in. Isak thinks that maybe people are looking for him, wanting to beat him or some shit. Really, his brain is on full-mode panic and he can’t think straight anymore.

“Isak?”

The voices of Jonas, Magnus, Mahdi and Even all come in, crashing in Isak like a tidal wave. The concern in their voice is audible even through the wooden door, and Isak gasps.

“Isak, please, open the door.” Jonas asks, pleading.

“Go away!” He cries, not wanting anyone to see him like that.

“No bro, we can’t leave you like that.” Mahdi says gently.

“Can we come in?” Magnus asks.

“Mags, we can’t fit five in this cabin.” Jonas replies, and Isak can feel the eye-roll Jonas just gave to Magnus.

The only voice Isak still hasn’t heard is Even’s, and a part of him is aching at the thought of Even still sitting in the cafeteria alone, with all the prying eyes on him. But when his friends finished debating if they should force the door or wait for him to come out, the deep, familiar voice of Even finally breaks the silence.

“Baby, can I come in?” He asks, and Isak’s heart breaks.

His voice is so small, like a puppy who just got grounded for absolutely no reason. So even if Isak’s face is still burning under his skin, his eyes red and puffy, and his nose running, Isak slowly unlocks the door.

When the door opens, he’s engulfed in Even’s arms, holding on him steadily and tightly. His scent fills his nose, his warmth wrapping him in a reassuring hug. He lets his shoulders relax in the touch, his head falling on Even’s chest, his fists clamping at Even’s hoodie. One of Even’s hand reaches for his hair, stroking them soothingly, his other one doing the same thing on his back. Isak can feel Even putting his chin on top of his head, and his arms holding him even tighter when Isak lets out another small cry.

Isak knows the door is still open, because he can hear the boys shuffling around, trying to peek at him probably. He can hear Jonas shoving Magnus, telling him to give Isak space to breathe. Though, it’s a bit ironic, since Isak’s face is literally pressed into Even’s chest. He can’t breathe anything but Even’s scent, but there’s nothing else Isak would rather breathe in anyway. His body still shakes from all the emotions, but Even’s hold is firm and reassuring.

“It’s alright…” Even soothes him, murmuring in his hair.

“No, everyone heard. Everyone looked at me.” Isak whines against Even’s chest.

“It’s not as bad as it looked like.” Magnus assures him, somewhere behind Even.

“Yeah, like after you left everyone went back to their shits.” Mahdi adds.

Isak turns his face to the side so he can breathe and speak normally.

“Still. Everyone knows I’m gay now.” He hisses.

“Yeah, that was really shitty of her to do that.” Jonas agrees. “She had no right to out you like that, especially in the cafeteria.”

“Yeah.” Isak breathes out. “Now I’m not sure I’ll be able to face any student without wondering if they heard.”

Even’s hand is still caressing Isak’s hair, and it somehow manage to calm him a bit. He stays silent, but Isak’s brain is still too busy trying to process everything that happened to notice that.

“Hey, this bathroom is busy!” Mahdi shouts to someone who just walked into the room. “Get out of here.”

The boys stay with Isak for the rest of the lunch break until the bell rings, listening to him rant about it or just reassuring him that no one really seemed to care about it. Magnus is texting with Vilde, and Vilde says that people are just talking about how Emma was being too dramatic, and how it was really shitty. No one was talking about Isak being gay in a negative way, they were just surprised, but not outraged.

Isak and Even switched positions, Even sitting on the bowl and Isak sitting on his laps sideways, his arms firmly linked behind Even’s neck. They skipped their first class after lunch, Isak still calming down from the tsunami inside of him. Even comforted him with soft kisses on his temple, his hands still caressing him anywhere they could reach.

At some point, Even asked him if he wanted to talk to Emma, to clarify things. At first, Isak refused straight away. But then, Even tried to make him realize that she was probably hurt by the situation, that she probably didn’t meant to outed him publicly, that she was just really pissed and that she would eventually regret it. And, it’s not like it was the first time that Even suggested him to look at the other person’s perspective about the situation. He did the same thing with his mom, trying to remind Isak how the other person must have felt, or thought.

Isak realizes he never really gave the time to Emma to analyze or accept their break up. He never picked up the phone whenever she called him during the holidays. Most of the time, his phone was off, but when it was on and that he buzzed with Emma’s incoming calls, he just waited for it to send her to the voicemail and deleted her messages. Isak realizes it was a dick move, to just cut her off his life in a heartbeat, to expect her to accept that. He was hoping that the second he ended things with her, she’d realize how they didn’t fit together, how he was not good enough for her. He never expected her to be that attached to him, to be so involved to the point of humiliating him in public in a spurt of anger.

When Isak and Even finally leave the bathroom stall, it’s like Isak is hangover. His body feels heavy, his mind thundering in his head, his mouth dry. Even gives him a quick peck on the lips, then replace a loose curl behind Isak’s ear and promises him to send him a text when his classes end. Isak leaves for his own classes with apprehension, not looking higher than people’s knees or tables. He didn’t have the energy or courage to look at people in the eyes, didn’t want to face them and their pitiful or disgusted looks.

Jonas tries his best to cheer him up during their Norwegian class, and even Sana doesn’t tease him as usual during biology. She just smiles at him politely and slides her notes over for him to copy them when he zones out for too long to take notes.

When the day is over, Even texts him and asks him if he wants to go to his place, but Isak declines. As much as he’d like to hang out with Even and feel his comforting arms around him, he just wants to go home, crawls under his covers and forget about the day, wishing that things would go back to their normal when he’d wake up.

But that night, Isak doesn’t sleep at all.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak's friends tease him about Even, and Isak apologies to Emma.

The next day, Isak arrives at school earlier than usual, because he is on a mission. Even though he hasn’t slept at all, tossing the covers and rolling around in his bed all night, he still needs to find Emma. No matter the amount of chamomile tea he drank to calm his nerves, or the endless hours he spent on his phone trying to bore himself out to sleep, he couldn’t close his eyes longer than three minutes without his mind being too loud in his own head. All he could think of was Emma. He also thought of Even and his goddamn mouth at some point, but mostly of Emma.

He felt bad. Terribly bad. He knew she must have been really pissed at him. If he’s being honest, he would’ve hated himself too if he was in her position. He tried to imagine what she must feel now, what she must think of him. They were dating for almost six months, and Isak broke up with her without any warning. From her perspective, she probably never saw this coming and the only way she found to cope with the pain was to be angry at him and make him pay for it.

Isak knows he should talk to her, to apologize properly and to explain himself. Not that she would let him, but he needed to. Worry and anxiety was eating him up, and he felt like he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he talked to her.

So when Isak sees the younger girl at the other end of the hallway, opening her locker and putting books in it, Isak walks over there. His pace is somewhere between slow and fast. He’s thrilled by the idea of being rejected, or humiliated again. But he really wants this to be over already. He’s not expecting her to be happy to see him, so he braces himself for a hard look or some filthy words, or whatever she might yell at him. When there’s only a meter between them, she finally notices him and the look in her eyes goes dark, her jaw tense.

“Can we talk?” Isak asks, feeling his heart beating in his ears.

“No.” She slams her locker shut and turns around.

“Emma, please.” He begs, following her when she walks away from him. “It never was my intention to hurt you, I swear.”

“Isak.” She sighs, clearly annoyed. “I really don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Isak speeds up a little so he can be in step with her. He puts his bag higher on his shoulder and looks at her sideways, trying not to walk into another student.

“Please, Emma. It’s really important.” He pleas. 

“I have nothing to tell you.” Emma says, opening the notebook in her hands to pretend she’s busy.

“Then I’ll do all the talking.” Isak insists. “But please, hear me out. I couldn’t sleep last night, I felt terrible, I feel like shit.”

“Good.” She says sarcastically. “Now you know how I feel.”

Emma keeps walking impressively fast for her short size, but Isak knows it’s because she just wants to get rid of him, so he grabs her by the elbow and make her come to a halt.

“Look, I know I was a dick to you, and I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am. But please, I really need to clear my mind.” He looks down at her when she finally looks at him, anger and annoyance written all over her face. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but can we just meet, like, maybe after school or something? We really need to talk.”

“I don’t owe you shit, Isak.” She spits out.

“Actually, yes.” Isak replies in a heartbeat, losing his temper. “You fucking outed me in front of the school, and in no way—do you hear me?—in _no fucking way_ you were allowed to do this to me. I’m the one who should have come out to people, at my own pace, in my own terms. What I did to you was shitty, yeah, but what you did was even worse.”

Isak is breathing quickly, his blood boiling hot under his skin. Emma seems catch her breath, her eyes widening ever so lightly. They stay like this for God knows how long, staring at each other, ignoring all the chaos all around them in the hallways. Finally, Emma breaks the stare by looking at the water fountain behind Isak and sighs loudly.

“Yeah, ok.” She breathes out.

“KB at four?” Isak suggests, feeling the pressure around his chest release its grip.

“Sure.” She shrugs, then walk away.

Isak doesn’t follow her this time, doesn’t make her stay. He just watches her as she turns the corner of the corridor and disappear in a staircase. Hell, he doesn’t even know if she really is going to show up for coffee, but a part of him likes to think that she will. Emma might have been a bitch yesterday, but she must have cared for him enough during their relationship to hear him out, right? It’s the least she could do, Isak thinks.

He’s about to head to his own class when someone calls his name.

“Isak?” A deep voice booms behind him.

Isak turns around to find Even standing a few feet away from him. There is concern on his features, and his eyes are a bit clouded with sleep, but overall, Even looks breath-taking beautiful as usual. He’s wearing his favorite grey hoodie with one of Isak’s t-shirts underneath, and he looks so comfy and warm Isak wants to lean into him and hold him in his arms.

And, well, nothing can stop him from doing so now that most of the student body knows about him and Even, so he walks the few meters between them and puts his arms around the older boy’s waist, tilting his head up in a silent plea to be kissed. Even complies happily, lifting a hand to the curve of his neck and grazing his jawline with his thumb. It’s short and sweet, and Isak sighs contently against Even’s pillowy lips. When they separate their lips and Isak opens his eyes again, Even is already looking down at him.

“What were you doing with Emma?” He asks, genuine curiosity in his voice.

There’s not a trace of jealousy or incertitude, he’s just curious. Plain and simple. So Isak doesn’t feel the need to lie or to hide.

“I wanted to ask her something. We’re meeting after school, to talk.” He tells him.

“Ok?” Even replies, punctuating the vowel and the consonant. 

Isak’s right hand lifts up to Even’s face to push his hair aside from his eyes, his other hand holding the man by the hips.

“I really think I owe her an apology, and some explications. I never gave her the chance to see this coming, or to warn her.” Isak admits, looking at Even’s blue eyes.

God, he loves this specific shade of blue. He would paint the four walls and ceiling of his room in that color, if he could. He just wants to bathe in it, forgetting about the world around him.

“That’s really nice of you.” Even smiles slowly, staring back at him with a softness to his eyes.

“I guess.” Isak shrugs. “I just don’t want her to think she was the problem, or that I hurt her intentionally. Despite what happened, she’s a nice girl, and I don’t want her to be hurt because of me.”

“You really are a good person, Isak.” Even coos. “Always considerate of the others, no matter what shit they throw at you.”

The school bell rings above their heads, making them both jump in surprise. Even repositions his backpack on his back, detaching his hands from Isak.

“I should go, my class is in another building.” Even says.

“Then why are you here?” Isak asks, confused.

“I saw you entering the building. I wanted to see you before classes.”

Isak smiles fondly at him and plants a light kiss on his lips before leaning back.

“See you at lunch?” He asks before letting go of Even.

“See you at lunch.” His gorgeous boyfriend replies, pecking at his lips too before walking away.

When Isak walks into his classroom, there’s still a smile on his face and Jonas looks at him amused.

“Are you high?” His best friend teases him, reminding Isak of the time he smoked weed just before class in first year.

“High on love.” Isak replies, his smile widening.

“Tsk.” Jonas clicks his tongue. “Is this how you’ll be for the rest of your life? Lovesick and disgustingly infatuated by Even?”

“Hey, you used to be that way too with Eva, making me sick.” Isak rolls his eyes. “But yeah, maybe. I’m happy with Even.” He confesses.

“Cool. I’m glad you’re happy, you deserve it.” Jonas says sincerely.

The two of them exchange a smile before the teacher enters the class and heads to his desk.

“Ok folks, let’s get this class started.”

***

During lunch, Magnus and Jonas find themselves talking about indie movies and music. Isak couldn’t care less about the topic, but he’s amazed to see his best friend and boyfriend get along so easily. Mahdi and Magnus are already talking about the next party they want to attend, and Isak is feeling completely out of this conversation.

Since he was in a relationship with Emma, parties didn’t have the same meaning to him than before, because he wasn’t there to pick up chicks—or pretend to. And since he was with Even, he didn’t feel the need to be out there at all. He just wanted to spend time with Even, and he knew Even needed to back off from parties for a bit. He needed to get back on his medication properly—because he admitted to have stopping it when he was manic, thinking he was doing ok. And Isak wanted to prove Even he didn’t need to drink or smoke to have fun, he just wanted to support him and be with him. So he didn’t pay attention to Mahdi and Magnus’ conversation, since he didn’t plan on attending the party they were talking about.

Isak’s phone buzzes in his pocket, snapping him out of his staring at Even’s side profile. He fishes his phone out of his jeans’ pocket and opens the new message he received. It’s from his mother, and there’s actually no words. Just a picture of a bouquet of flowers on a yet another stranger’s grave tombstone. Ever since that day when Marianne admitted to Isak she liked to put flowers on abandoned tombs, she has sent Isak a few pictures of them. In this picture, Isak notices it’s been exactly fifty years since the person died, and he’s happy that his mom found a new—yet really weird—hobby that didn’t implied alcohol or drugs, or didn’t hurt anyone or break anything. It was just spreading a simple gesture of kindness. A gentle thought for the lost, to remember them in some way, even though she knew nothing about them. Isak sends her a smiley face and a flower emoji.

When he looks up from his phone, his gaze meets Emma’s one across the room, but this time she doesn’t look angry or annoyed. She just holds his gaze a few seconds before nodding to him and returning her concentration to her friends. Isak does the same, returning his eyes to Even and Jonas who are still talking about movies. They seem to be debating about which Leonardo DiCaprio movie is the best one, _Titanic_ or _Romeo + Juliet_. Of course, Even is voting for the latter, his undeniable love and admiration for Baz Luhrmann so evident Isak can’t help but roll his eyes and smile at him when he turns to Isak.

“I mean, _Titanic _is a pretty good movie, I won’t deny it, but _Romeo + Juliet _is the ultimate bomb.” Even declares passionately. “It’s a classic novel, everyone knows about the story, and it’s simply the best tragedy of all time. Right, Issy?”

Isak smiles at the nickname.

“Yeah, it was good.” He admits.

“Aw, come on dude!” Jonas complains. “I’m your best friend, a little support here would be appreciated.”

“Nah, Isak is obviously on my side. He cried like a baby at the end of _Romeo + Juliet_.” Even says proudly, making Isak blush.

“Whatever.” He rolls his eyes again, but it’s nothing malicious. “Don’t include me in your fight, I’m not concerned.”

“No way, _Titanic _is THE best movie.” Jonas still insists, picking at his fries with a little pout.

***

By the time school ends, Isak hasn’t had the time to worry about meeting up with Emma that much. Jonas and Even’s debate has turned into a full on disagreement. The boys have asked every student that walked by them which movie they thought was the most epic during lunch, and even Sana has looked at Isak funny when him and Even walked into the classroom. Even had followed Isak to his last class to ask her what film she liked the most, and when she said _Titanic_, Even clutched his hand to his chest, pretending to be hurt.

“I thought you were on my side!” He says in a fake-pained voice.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Even.” Sana chokes out a laugh.

Even winked at her to let her know he was only kidding. Kind of.

“See you later?” Even asks Isak before leaving for his own class.

“Yeah, I’ll text you when I’ll leave KB.” Isak replies.

“Perfect. I’ll stop by the grocery store and buy something for dinner.”

“Perfect.” Isak repeats, smiling widely at him.

When Even has walked out the door, he turns to his textbook in front of him and opens it, trying to focus on it before the teaches walks into the room. When he hears Sana clears her throat, he looks up at her and find her grinning at him with a knowing smile.

“What?” He asks.

“You two are really made for each other.” She shrugs.

“Yeah?” He blushes. “How so?”

“Well, you’re different since you’re with him. You’re less grumpy, and you stand up for yourself more than before. You look more confident, happier.” Sana says, opening her own book and noting something down in the margin of her page. “And even though he’s been through a lot, you’re still by his side and holding his head above water.”

Isak opens his mouth to reply something, anything, but nothing comes out of his mouth. He’s just so touched by Sana’s words, surprised even. He didn’t consider himself like a lifeline to Even, or like a crutch. Sticking up to Even’s side felt natural and obvious. When no words come out of his mouth, Sana just nods at him knowingly, then focus her attention on her book.

The teacher enters the class, and Isak can’t help but exchange a look with Sana and chuckle when the teacher at the front of the class still isn’t wearing any bra, her nipples on full display to the students through her white shirt.

***

Isak’s leg is bouncy under the table, and he’s pretty sure he shouldn’t have ordered a coffee. His lack of sleep was becoming evident and he was stressed that Emma wouldn’t show up at all. Or that she would yell at him again. Isak’s day had been long, even though it was a good day, he was still running on almost forty-eight hours without any sleep in his body.

When Emma walks into the small coffee shop, she’s only five minutes late. She’s tapping her boots on the carpet to get rid of the snow under her feet, and looked around the place, searching for Isak. When her eyes landed on him, her shoulders seemed to relax, but Isak isn’t sure. She walks to the pastries display and counter where she orders for a hot cocoa, then makes her way to Isak’s table with the white mug in her hands.

She sits down silently, not looking at him yet, taking off her scarf and her coat, making herself comfortable. At least, Isak thinks, it means she’s planning on staying long enough for the both of them to talk. If she didn’t want to talk to him, she wouldn’t have taken off her coat.

“Ok.” She finally says, looking at him over her mug. “Spill.”

Isak clears his throat, taking a sip of his own beverage to form the words in his head.

“First of all, thank you for coming.” He says, relieved. “Second of all, I really owe you an apology…”

“Yeah, you do.” She deadpans.

He looks at her in the eyes and takes a deep breath in, trying to muster the courage to tear down the walls she’s building between them. He looks around to make sure there aren’t too many people to eavesdrop on their conversation, but there’s only a man in his late thirties tapping on his keyboard so fast, and a couple of students that are only grabbing coffees on the go. So Isak rolls his shoulders to try to appease the tension in his shoulder blades and looks back at Emma.

“I reckon I was a dick, and I never gave you the chance to take it all in. I just—I was so scared, Emma.” Isak says, his voice lowering at the second part. “I still wasn’t sure of who I was when I met you. I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want to act on them, so I tried to change my mind, and then you barged into the bathroom at that party, and everything just—it happened all so quickly.”

“So you’re saying I was just a distraction the whole time?” She asks, incredulous.

“N-no, not at all.” Isak urges. “Or, maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t want to accept my sexuality.” He says again. “My dad left me, my mom was mentally ill, my life at home was shit. And I was scared of coming out, I didn’t know how my family or friends would react. So when I met you, I took the opportunity. I wanted to be normal. I tried to be as into you as you were into me, Emma. I really tried. So damn hard. But I just—I couldn’t.” Isak mutters, looking down at his mug. “I never wanted to hurt you, I just thought that if I tried really hard, maybe I’d wake up some day and have all these repressed feelings inside of me evaporated.” He admits shamefully. “I should have told you when I knew it wasn’t working for me anymore.”

“When?” Emma’s voice is small.

“Hm?”

“When did you know?” She asks, her voice harder than her eyes.

Isak gulps, his hands fidgeting with the handle of his mug.

“Uh... Since Halloween…”

“Really?” She huffs. “That long?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” He looks down at his hands.

Emma’s stare is too intense, too consuming.

Isak always was intimated by Emma for some reasons. Her round, beautiful face was angelic and her short hair gave her a different style than all the other girls at their school. And even though she was petite, she was stylish and very gracious in her movements, like a model. Isak always knew she was a pretty girl, he wasn’t blind to that. He once was really proud of dating her, because he couldn’t imagine a girl like her dating a guy like him. Emma was popular, even if she only was in first year, and she was stunning.

Not having met Even the day before, or not being into guys at all, he certainly would have fallen for her. He could picture it, falling so deeply in love with her and wanting to marry her after uni. Emma was that kind of girl that you definitely wanted to keep in your life, and Isak was a bit sad because of that. She was beautiful, kind, funny and everything a guy could ask for. She gave good head, was easy to talk to and always was ready to party.

“I’m sorry.” He repeats, still not looking up. “At first, I wanted to repress these feelings, because I knew if I let myself opening to them, they would consume me entirely, and I was so fucking scared. You have no idea how freaky it is. I didn’t know what to do, because I was with you, and you were so good to me. You were patient enough, even when I didn’t deserve it, and you stood by my side even when I was a dick. I sincerely wanted things to work between us, because you are a great person. You’re just not _my_ person. I’m really sorry for hurting you and using you, I shouldn’t have hold you back for that long.”

When Emma doesn’t reply, Isak thinks that maybe she left the table without him noticing, his eyes staring at his hands and rambling the messy stuff in his head the whole time. But when he looks up at Emma, she’s only watching him with teary eyes and her mouth forming a tight line. She takes a sip of her hot cocoa before opening her mouth.

“Thank you for your apologies. I truly appreciate it, even though you hurt my feelings really bad.” She says. “And you’re right, I shouldn’t have let all my anger spill out on you like this, in the cantina. I’m really sorry, too.”

Isak and Emma share a sad, small smile, looking at each other and speaking through their eyes. Isak knows she’s more hurt than mad at him, and he’s pretty sure that she now knows he never intended on hurting her purposely. Isak looks at her brown eyes, finding them sad but understanding.

“I saw the way you looked at him, during lunch.” Emma says calmly. “I can tell you really love him.”

“Mmm.” Isak nods, a shy smile creeping on its face.

“I wish you would’ve looked at me like that, even in the beginning.”

“Me too.” Isak admits. “You really are the perfect girl, Emma.” Isak says, reaching out a hand to hold hers. “Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. Certainly not a scumbag like me, because you really were the greatest girlfriend I ever had.”

“Please, don’t give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line, because I’m gonna punch you.” She lets out a breathy laugh.

And maybe—maybe things between them would be ok. Not fine, for sure, but ok.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even have a brunch with Even's family, and Isak wants to fuck Even so bad. 
> 
> /!\ Smut scene between the two lines. Skip that part if you don't want to read it. /!\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, ok lol 
> 
> So I'm posting this at 2:31AM, because I'm stupid and tired and my brain wanted to write this, so please enjoy my very dirty mind. I have to say this is the most daring smut I've ever written, like ever, so I hope it's good enough. (I mean, Isak and Even both enjoyed it very much thank you). 
> 
> Also, enjoy Isak being all smitten and infatuated by Even around kids.
> 
> xx

One Even’s cousin is in Oslo for the weekend with her two kids, and Even wants to introduce Isak to them. Sigrid invited them over for a brunch on Sunday morning, cooking enough food for an army, and Isak was crazy of her cooking, so he couldn’t say no to this opportunity. When Even introduced him to his family, they all have been so open and delighted when Even announced they were dating. Isak learned a little bit more about Even’s past, especially from his youth. The brunch was never-ending, but the food was delicious, and the company was pleasant with Even’s cousin and Even’s parents telling Isak embarrassing stories about Even when he was a baby, or the time he broke his wrists. The even showed Isak pictures of Even with his cast, puberty clearly hasn’t done her job yet. Even was mortified, but Isak laughed heartedly and thought Even was cute, even back then.

When Sigrid finally clears the table, Isak offers her to help with the dishes, but she shoos him away. Instead, Isak, Even, his cousin and her two kids go outside and take a walk in Even’s neighborhood. Even’s cousin is a few meters in front of them, holding each of her kids’ hand in hers. They decided to go to the little park at the end of the road so the children could run and play in the playground to burn some energy before driving back home. 

Spring is just around the corner, the sun tickling their nose and making the crispy snow under their feet melt. It’s still a bit cold, but it’s a nice afternoon, and Isak is feeling so full. He definitely ate too much, but what’s new, really? Every time he goes to Even’s parents, his mom always make sure Isak is eating at least two plates and somehow, Isak always finds enough place in his stomach for dessert. Isak is slow and his feet heavy on the ground, but Even’s hand in his makes him move forward even though he only wants to crash on a couch and nap for the rest of the day.

Or maybe fuck Even. That’d definitely be the perfect day, in Isak’s very dirty mind.

He looks at Even’s profile, biting down his lower lip and gives Even’s hand a gentle squeeze. When Even looks at him, he tilts his head and grins. Isak always forgets about how Even can read his mind like an open book. Or maybe it’s the way Isak is looking at him that gives away his intentions.

“Seriously, Is? Even’s voice lowers. “Now, of all time? We already had sex this morning.” Even chuckles.

“What. I’m cold, and you’re hot.” He says bashfully.

“I told you to put another coat on.” Even teases, but squeezes Isak’s hand in return.

“That’s not what I meant…” Isak groans, pouting.

“I know, baby.” Even laughs and smiles sweetly at him. “I’ll take care of you later, I promise.”

Isak looks up at the sky and lets out a small grunt escape his lips, creating smoke above his head. He wants to fuck Even, like, right now. His dick is already feeling too tight in his jeans, but Isak is glad his coat is long enough to hide it. The last thing he wants is for Even’s cousin and nephews to witness his solid hard-on and be traumatized for life. Even pulls on his arm to make him step forward again, not wanting to let his cousin alone for too long.

When they reach the park, Even’s cousin’s phone rings and she walks away to answer the call. Even’s nephews then ask Even to play tag with them, and Isak watches them with awe from afar, standing by a tree. His boyfriend is fucking good with kids, Isak realizes. It warms his heart and do nothing to soften his erection. Even is smiling brightly at his two nephews, bursting into laughter whenever the kids are near him, and he makes them run in all directions, tiring them efficiently after a few minutes. He gives them chances, pretends to stumble and lets himself fall in the snow, giving the boys the opportunity to run at him and tackle him. Isak feels so soft and warm inside, he wishes he could have this. A life with Even, and kids.

Isak never thought he would want kids in life, always expected to be a workaholic who just comes home to his lover, have a good night sex and go to sleep. He never pictured himself having a family before Even, but now he’s reconsidering his life choices. He’s still very awkward around kids, but he definitely wants a family with Even. If Even wants it, too, that is.

Even’s cousin ends her call and comes next to Isak to look at them with a smile on her face.

“He’s really good with kids.” She tells Isak, and Isak nods. “I’m glad he met you.” She then announces, turning to him.

“Yeah?” Isak smiles, happy to hear that from her.

“He’s definitely happier.” She turns again to look at Even. “He always has been a bit of an outsider, with him being queer and bipolar. Things got really dark around last year, but he’s definitely better now. I know we don’t really know each other, but I sincerely think you changed his life. You saved his life, even.”

Isak opens his jaw and closes it again, not knowing what to say. He knew Even had a rough year last year, that things got dark, but he never thought he had such an impact on his life. Before Even trots back to them followed by the two kids, Isak thanks Even’s cousin with a warm smile. He’s really moved by her kind words. 

The boys want to go on the swings, but their mother tells them they have to go. They complain about it, but eventually they all leave the park and goes back to Even’s house. When they reach it, Isak is fucking glad, because he can’t feel his toes anymore, and his nose and his cheeks are probably as cold as ice cubes. They say goodbyes to Even’s cousins and her kids, then Even grabs a few clothes and textbooks he needs to study, and they take the tram to go back to Isak’s.

* * *

It doesn’t take long before Even is pining Isak to his bedroom’s door when they realize no one is home. His mouth devouring Isak’s, his hands grabbing Isak’s ass tightly and pressing him against the door, his erection not going unnoticed by Isak. Isak is a panting mess, trying to touch Even everywhere his hand would reach, his mouth licking and biting at his jawline, behind his ear, down his neck. Fuck, he wants to burry himself into Even so deeply, his dick throbbing between his legs just at the memory of Even’s tightness around him.

One of his fist finds its way up in Even’s hair at the nape of his neck, clenching them and making Even gasp in pleasure, tilting his head in the back. Isak attacks his mouth with so much hunger, as if Even was his favorite meal, and truthfully, Even kind of is. His dick tastes delicious in his mouth, his taste buds exploding every time Even comes in his mouth. Even’s butthole is Isak’s favorite thing in the world, and the way Even always pushes himself onto Isak’s tongue makes him believes Even enjoys it just as much as he does.

Isak pushes at Even’s chest, guiding him toward his bed and pushes him down on it when the back of Even’s knees hit the mattress. Even falls backwards, but Isak helps him not to hit his head, then kneels in front of him. He unzips Even’s pants so fast, needy and hungry. His hands are still cold from outside, and Even winces at the touch, but he bucks his hips nonetheless when Isak pulls at his jeans. He shots hot, wet breath against Even’s hard cock through the cotton of his underwear, and Even is moaning already, his fists clenching at the bed sheets. Isak lifts the hem of Even’s shirt to reveal his toned sternum, and he whimpers at the sight. Even is so fucking beautiful. Isak doesn’t wait any longer and pushes down Even’s boxer briefs, liberating his throbbing, hot red dick.

Isak darts his tongue out and wets his lips, salivating already. Fuck, he wants to eat Even so much. He dives in without any hesitation, his hands pushing at Even’s thighs to spread them and Even complies so easily. He lets Isak do whatever the hell he wants with him, and Isak loves it. Loves him.

He licks at Even’s soaking slit, savoring the pre-cum at the tip of his dick, and the bittersweet taste is delightful. He sucks him in, hollowing his cheeks, creating a suction on it, stealing a cries from Even.

“Isak, fuck.” Even pants loudly. “You feel so good.”

“Mmm.” Is all Isak can replies, his mouth full of Even.

The sound resonates through Even’s dick, down to his balls and down his toes, and Even is trembling from pleasure. He lifts himself up on his elbows, careful not to lose contact with Isak’s mouth, and reaches for the lube on the nightstand.

Isak’s right hand is buried in his own pants, between his thighs to warm it up. He takes the bottle from Even’s shaky hands and uncaps it, pouring some of the product on his fingers. He then looks up at Even for approval before lowering his hand between his legs, down his crack until Isak’s fingers find Even’s rim. He plays with it, teases it and stretches it. Even’s dick twitches in Isak’s mouth, and Isak tries to keep his growl to himself but fails miserably.

When Even is loose enough, Isak slides a finger inside of him slowly, his head still bobbing and sucking on Even’s tasteful cock. Isak tongue teases the head of his dick while his whole mouth is swallowing him down and his finger fucks him gently in the ass.

“More fingers, babe.” Even whines, desperate for more friction.

Isak adds another finger, then another when he feels Even dilating for him. He twists his fingers and searches for Even’s prostate. When he brushes it, it sends a shockwave through Even’s body, makes him buck his hips higher, deeper in Isak’s throat. Isak moves his fingers just the right angle to hit him once again, and again, and again, until Even is crying lustfully and trembling under him.

Even’s hands fly to Isak’s hair, tugging at them forcefully, making Isak moans against Even’s dick and balls. Even fucks his mouth senselessly, telling Isak how much it feels good, how much _Isak_ feels good.

“Is, I-I’m gonna cum.” Even warns him through his whimpers.

Isak hums in approval, ready and hungry. When Even’s entire body shakes uncontrollably and his hands clutch at Isak’s scalp with even more force, Isak shuts his eyes close and welcomes the hot sperm in his mouth thankfully, shooting stars behind his eyelids. He swallows it all with a sigh and slows down his hand movement to let Even calm down from his orgasm.

His own dick is still untouched and angry red, and throbbing, Isak can feel his heart pounding in it in his too-tight jeans.

Isak wipes at the corners of his mouth and climbs up Even’s stomach, giving sloppy kisses along the way to his neck, and his jaw, and his finally his mouth. Even welcomes him happily, sliding his tongue inside Isak’s mouth to taste at himself and moans inside it.

Isak kisses Even a thousand times, pressing himself down on his thigh, needing a little bit—or rather a lot—of friction. When Even comes back to his senses, he cups Isak’s dick and balls between his jeans and underwear. Isak sighs thankfully, pressing his forehead against Even’s shoulder.

“Fuck, I want to fuck you, baby.” Isak growls. “I want to fuck you until you can’t walk anymore.”

Even moans under him, nodding his head forcefully.

“Please.” He breathes out. “Please, fuck me.”

“Yeah?” Isak teases, nibbling at his sensitive skin on his collarbone. “You want me to fuck you good?”

“Is—fuck.” Even pants. “Yes, fuck me.”

Isak lifts himself on his hands, looks down at Even with a mischievous grin.

“Ok, baby.” He whispers in Even’s ear, licking at it and giving Even shivers.

“Ugh.” He cries out. “You’re gonna kill me, Isak.” Even croaks out, his voice dry and gravelly with lust.

“And you’re gonna love it, baby.” Isak smiles up at him.

He then gets up the bed and tries not to lament at the loss of Even’s warmth against him, but he knows it’s just for a short period of time. Isak unbuttons his jeans, and pulls them down, steps out of it. His boxers follow suit, flying across the room with Isak’s shirt. Isak reaches for his drawer, gets the box of condom out, and tears it open. He rolls it on hastily but carefully, and adds lube to it, pouring some onto his fingers and grabbing at his own dick, tugging at him to spread the liquid everywhere.

Even is looking at him through a curtain of lashes, his lips plump and red from all the kissing and biting, and his cheeks are as red as his still hard cock. Isak can’t wait to be inside of him and tightens his grip around his dick and goes faster. Even’s gaze follows the movement, his eyes now a pool of black petrol, his breathing sporadic. Even is squirming under him, and he hasn’t even touched him.

When Isak judges he’s ready enough, he knees between Even’s legs and positions himself at the entrance of Even’s ass hole. He slides his fingers in first, to make sure Even is ready, and by the guttural sound he makes, Isak knows he is. He still teases him for a bit, though.

“God damn it, Isak.” Even breaths. “Just fuck me already.”

“Since you’re asking so nicely—“ Isak laughs, then slides his fingers out of Even’s ass.

Even winces, but he bites down at his lip and nods vigorously when Isak looks at him with a silent question.

Isak slides the tip first, waiting for the boy to accommodate to the new width.

Whereas Even’s dick is long and big, Isak’s is shorter but thicker. They were both a bit scared the first time they had sex, but with a lot of foreplay and practice, they both adjusted and got used to the other very fast.

Even lifts his legs to his chest, giving Isak more space and more depth. The tightness around his cock is mind-blowing, giving Isak the impression that Even’s ass is swallowing him entirely, knocking the breath out of his lungs. He pushes inside Even slightly deeper, going achingly so slow to make sure Even doesn’t get hurt, but Even grasps one of Isak’s shoulder.

“Baby, I am more than ready.” He says through gritted teeth. “Stop teasing.”

“Ok.” Isak breathes out.

He won’t be told twice what to do. So he pushes inside Even farther, letting a low groan out as he does. Even imitates him and moans deeply, his voice an octave lower.

Even is being so vocal and loud while Isak is pounding into him, and Isak is so fucking grateful that no one’s home. Noora is with the girls doing God knows what, Eskild is probably still with last night’s date, and Linn… Isak doesn’t know where she is, but he doesn’t think she’s home. At least, he hopes so. Because the sounds escaping from Even are pornographic as hell, and Isak is too turned on by them to ask him to shut the fuck up. His grip tightens on Even’s hips, his eyes wandering all over his body. Isak doesn’t know where he wants to look at the most, his face, or his asshole swallowing his dick so welcoming, so mouthwateringly.

Isak grabs Even’s legs, puts them over his shoulder and pounds into him deeper and harder. Even’s eyes are flooding with tears, but Isak knows they’re good tears. The way his breath catches in his throat, the way Even’s body stills under him. Isak knows he just hit Even’s prostate and he intends on doing it again. He wants his baby to feel good. So. Fucking. Good.

So he speeds up his pace, pounds his hips deeper, smacking his them against Even’s ass cheeks. Even feels so deliciously tight around him, so achingly good. Even’s dick and balls are bouncing to the rhythm of Isak’s thumping, and Isak wants to cry from the beauty of the sight. Isak can feel the warmth in the pit of his stomach, can feel his balls squeezing, his dick twitching inside of Even, against his prostate. Isak is so close, and Even must be close too, because he’s trembling and panting and sweating, and Isak’s jaw is slack.

“Come for me.” He demands.

Even’s dick bounces wildly as Isak’s pace goes faster, and when Even makes the most exquisite sound, he comes again. Cum splashes on his belly and his shirt, and it doesn’t take Isak long before he comes too, shooting his hot sperm in the condom, deep in Even’s ass.

* * *

When they both come down from their orgasm, they lay down on Isak’s bed, sweating and panting like crazy. Even has taken off his shirt and dried himself with it and wiped at his ass when Isak pulled out of him. Isak rolls on his side to snuggle against Even’s side and sighs contently. He’s minutes away from slumping into darkness, his lids heavy and his body tired.

He lifts Even’s arm gently, looks down at the scars on Even’s forearm and traces them very lightly with his thumb. Even shudders but doesn’t pulls back.

Isak is warm and comfortable in Even’s embrace, but he still manages to move his upper body and puts a gently kiss to Even’s arm.

“I’m so glad you’re alive.” He murmurs.

“Me too.” Even says with a smile.

“Will you tell me what happened?” Isak asks softly, not putting any pressure on Even.

Even stays silent a moment, and Isak thinks he fell asleep. But then, Even moves slightly and sighs.

“Yeah.” Even exhales. “But not now. I’m not ready yet.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” Isak replies, putting his chin on Even’s chest and looking at him with lazy eyes. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Even’s smile widens, and he tugs Isak into his arms, repositioning him to his sides with his head on his shoulder. They roll into their usual sleeping position, Even pulling the covers over them, wrapping it around Isak’s shoulders.

Isak smiles to himself.

Today really was a perfect day.

He had morning sex with Even, then brunch at Even’s house, then saw Even playing and being adorable with two kids, then fucked Even again until he saw stars.

How could he want more?


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and the boys go to a karaoke party, and Even's old friends show up. 
> 
> (Some scenes are from SKAM Season 4, Ep. 2 (when they're kissing in the bio class) and Ep. 5 (Syng party))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO 
> 
> Wow ok, how many times will I have to say that I'm sorry for uploading very late LOL  
I have some crazy weeks at work because it's soon the holidays and well, people are weird and buy presents in November. Meh. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you'll still enjoy this chapter, and all.  
Kudos & Comments are more than welcome <3 
> 
> xx

Spring has officially begun, and Isak couldn’t be happier than he is now. Pretty much all of the snow has melted, and Isak doesn’t have to put a coat on anymore; wearing only a hoodie or Even’s jeans jacket is enough to get through the day without risking getting a cold. The cold days now behind them, Even convinced Isak to have a haircut because his curls were beginning to be too long and messy around his ears, but Isak wanted to keep at least some lengths on top of his head. The blue sky and the nice weather always put a smile on Isak. Or maybe it’s just Even that always puts a smile on his face, Isak couldn’t tell. Even’s eyes were the same blue as the bright, clear sky, and the softness of his lips reminds Isak of puffy, pillowy clouds. Anything and everything about Even is making Isak feeling butterflies in his stomach, and he honestly can’t tell if it’s the nice weather or Even that makes him happy the most.

Even hasn’t slipped into an episode since Christmas—not that Isak was expecting him to, but it was nice to have Even back to its ‘normal’, as normal as Even can be. Even has a new routine to keep him grounded, and when even that wasn’t enough, Isak always seemed to have the right words or the right gestures to remind Even to continue his medication and going to therapy every once in a while. Even was doing so good, was so resolute to get better. For Isak, for his family, but also for himself. The last time, before the holidays, he had stopped his medication and drank and smoke probably more than he should have, and having an incredibly huge crush on Isak fucked up his mind. But this time, Isak was already his, and everything else was in order, so he just needed to keep focused on taking his meds and talk to his therapist a few times a month, and everything would be fine.

And the nice weather definitely helps Even feeling better, too, Isak notices. Walking to school with Even’s hand in his is the best feeling ever—except having him deep inside of him, but that’s not exactly public-appropriate, so holding hands and stealing kisses is more than enough for him. Even always has a story to tell, or a new meme to show Isak. He’s even more open than he was before, calling the boys his friends too, and talking with Isak’s mom on the speakerphone with so much ease every time Isak’s mom calls her son.

Isak and Even are both a little bit shocked at how everything is going so well between them. Things are almost being too easy. Even still can’t believe Isak wants to be with him even after everything went to hell during the holidays, and Isak can’t believe Even is still surprised about that. Isak is head over heels for the tall, blonde, handsome boy, and he feels like if anyone would talk shit about him, he would be ready to fight any second. And he’s pretty sure Even feels the same about him, because Even always make sure he is comfortable and confident when they’re in public. Though, the more time that passes, the more Isak feels confident and finds himself not caring anymore about what people might think. He’s not afraid to hold hands with Even or kiss him at the grocery store, or in the hallways, or on the tramway. More often than not, people compliment them, tell them they make a cute couple, and Isak is glowing with pride and such earnest every single time.

***

Isak is leaning against the windowsill in his biology classroom, Even firmly pressed against him, and they are making out. Or, they are making out through the numerous giggles Even makes. If it weren’t for Even’s lips against his, Isak would be pissed at how annoying it is to break the kiss because Even laughs too much to keep his lips pressed against him, but _it’s Even_. Isak can’t be pissed at him. He’s too perfect to be mad at.

Somewhere behind Even’s back, Isak can hear Sana greeting them, but they’re too busy devouring the other’s mouth to mind her. God, Even’s tongue is licking at every single inches of the inside of his mouth, and Isak can breathe in each exhales Even makes. When Even presses himself against Isak’s thighs, Isak grunts. He can feel Even’s excitement pressed all against him, and it’s not like he’s any better because his jeans are feeling way too tight. He’s pretty sure Even can feel it too, because then he leans his head back and grins down at him with half-closed eyes.

“I can’t wait for tonight.” Even murmurs.

“Do we have plans?” Isak asks, puzzled.

“Yeah, I’m gonna fuck you until your roommates can’t stand us anymore.” He whispers in his ear in a deep voice that makes Isak’s dick twitch in anticipation.

Isak is glad that Even is standing in front of him right now and that Even didn’t say that out loud, because his dick is fucking alert now, with the delicious promise of being sucked. He glances quickly at Sana to make sure she didn’t hear Even, but she’s too focused on her laptop doing whatever. When Isak looks back at his boyfriend, Even has a mischievous grin on his lips and his eyes are two fucking black pearl. This guy is killing him.

“Even, I can’t tonight. I have a test I have to study for.”

“Ok then, you’ll study and I’ll just chill until you’re done.” Even shrugs.

“No, I can’t concentrate when you’re there.”

“Am I distracting?” Even chuckles. “Am I?”

“Yes, when you look at me like…”

“Yeah, but I promise not to look at you.”

Isak rolls his eyes.

“What’s the point then, Even? If you’re not looking at me?”

Even just laughs it off, amused by Isak’s contradictory feelings. Over Even’s shoulder, Isak notices on the clock that there are only a few minutes left before classes begin, so he pushes at Even’s chest reluctantly. 

“You should go, you’ll be late for class.” Isak announces.

“Faen, you’re right.” Even grumbles.

He steps out of Isak’s personal space, making the cold behind them hit them both. Isak glances at his classmates to make sure no one is looking at him while he replaces his throbbing dick in a more discreet way. Even does the same, but he’s back to the other students, so it’s less evident. He leans in to give Isak a quick, sloppy kiss before starting to walk away, saying goodbye to Sana.

When Isak sits next to her, he notices that she’s stalking a guy on Facebook, looking at his photos. When she clicks on the next photo, Isak’s mind freezes.

“Who’s that?” He asks over Sana’s shoulder.

“No one!” She hastily closes her laptop, her cheeks blushing instantly.

Still, Isak insists. He’s pretty sure he recognized a guy from Even’s photos and videos on his laptop while he was asleep. It’s not like he was sulking, he just stumbled randomly on it when he borrowed Even’s computer to do a research for his homework when he was at his place the other day. And—yeah, ok. Maybe he was stalking his computer, but he mainly just wanted to look at old photos of Even. He was looking for a new icon for his ID contact and thought that Even probably had some on his computer. He never intentionally tried to stalk his past or his old friends.

“Isn’t that guy called Mikael or something?”

Sana doesn’t answer. Instead, she avoids his gaze and shrugs. Isak shoots her a weird look, but she’s purposely ignoring him and bends down to pick up her biology textbook from her bag just as the teacher walks into the classroom.

Maybe Isak is wrong; it’s been a few weeks since he saw the video, and the picture on Sana’s computer’s screen seemed dated. Maybe it’s not even the same guy, maybe he’s just hallucinating things. He wants to believe it was nothing, but a part of him tells him he’s not crazy, otherwise she wouldn’t be that secretive. Isak has never been good with girls and their feelings, though, and Sana seems determined not to give him an answer, so he gives up.

***

A few weeks later, Isak and his friends are all heading to Syng, a karaoke bar in the center of the city, where a lot of students were invited to. Isak isn’t really sure about the nature of the event, but he can’t say no to an evening out with his friends. He’s been so caught up in his homework lately that he hasn’t been out that much, except for a few beers here and there with the boys to catch up.

Isak has been there a few times, but having Even by his side feels different. He came here with Emma and some friends once, but the barmaid wouldn’t sell them any drinks because they were all under-aged. Now, he’s with Even, who is older and can buy him and his friends beer. Even though Isak is turning eighteen in a few months, dating an older guy has its perks sometimes.

When he follows Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi into the bar, holding hands with Even, he’s surprised that the place is already full. It’s not even like they were late, but it seems like there are at least thirty people in the community area, and he’s pretty sure the three private rooms are all busy, too. He looks around to find a free table, but Even spots one first and points it to the guys. They all walk toward the table near the bar and settle with a pitcher for the group. They chat easily, talking about their week and what are their plans for the week-end.

“I’m introducing Vilde to my family on Sunday.” Magnus announces.

“Whoa, bro! That’s great.” Mahdi claps his shoulder with a huge smile.

“Congrats, Mags!” Even beams. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”

Isak congratulates his friend too, clinking his glass with his. It’s still very strange to see Magnus in a relationship, all settled and sappy. Of course, Magnus is a great listener and a very passionate guy, so Isak is sure Magnus has some boyfriend material, but it still amazes him to know that him and Vilde are now a couple.

The boys arrived at the bar half an hour ago, but Even suddenly decides he wants to sing. After all, it’s a karaoke party and he has a decent voice—more than decent, Isak thinks—so no one complain about it. Even walks up to the computer where he chooses his song, and waits for his turn to come. When his time has come, the tall man walks in front of the screen, holding the microphone loosely in his hand with a cocky grin. When his eyes land on Isak, he winks at him and Isak melts. He smiles back to his boyfriend and his eyes softens when he realizes what song Even picked; _Imagine _by John Lennon.

The well-known melody comes out of the speakers, but all Isak can focus on is Even’s deep voice, singing these powerful lyrics. It’s as if he’s mesmerized, really. And soon enough, Isak realizes that all chatters die down, all eyes turning to Even. Even sings the lyrics with so much passion, his voice steady and confident, as if it was his own song. Everything is going so well.

Until it doesn’t.

Isak doesn’t hear the door open behind him, nor the group of people entering the place, but what he can hear is Even’s breath catching in his throat when he looks at the new persons and freezing into place, his mic only a few inches away from his mouth. When he turns around, Isak’s eyes land on four guys a few years older than him, and he instantly recognizes them as Even’s old friends. He looks back at Even, who is still standing still like a deer in headlights. The music is still playing, the lyrics running on the screen, and Isak is on his feet before he knows it. He walks up to Even’s side, puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder and starts to sing. It seems to break Even’s state, because after a few seconds he joins Isak for the next line and puts his own arm around Isak’s shoulders. When the chorus hits, Isak hears his friends start to sing too, and his heart explodes with unmeasurable love for them. He’s glad his friends helped to break the tension, and soon enough other voices join them. The bar is echoing with voices, and Isak only feels love. A part of his brain wants to know what happened between Even and these guys to make him panic like that, but for now, he just wants to enjoy the moment. Enjoy this minute.

When the song ends, Even gives Isak’s temple a quick kiss, and Isak has no other choice but to give one back to Even’s cheek. They exchange grins, and Even puts the microphone back on its stand before they reach their table where the boys all cheer them up with louds whistle and claps. Jonas slides a new beer in front of Isak, and Isak takes it thankfully.

Even and Magnus talk animatedly, and there is no more trace of worry on Even’s face, and Isak is glad. He thinks that if they keep their distance from Even’s old friends, everything will be ok.

***

A few minutes after Even’s song, the boys all went outside because Mahdi and Jonas wanted to smoke, and Even was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic with all the people inside the bar. Isak and Even were a few feet away from their friend, admiring the river on the other side of the venue. The older boy is still a bit tense, but the fresh air seems to sooth him.

Isak is about to ask him if everything is ok, but he’s interrupted by another voice calling Even’s name. They both turn around quickly, and there are the four boys that walked into the bar, disturbing Even’s song.

“Even?” A tall brown haired guy asks.

Even stills beside Isak, his mouth pressing into a firm line and his breathing speeding up. Isak frowns.

“Hey, bro. What’s up?” Another dude with a snapback asks, his smile hesitant.

“What do you want?” Isak asks dryly, trying to protect his boy.

“Chill, bro.” The first guy says. “We just want to talk to Even.”

“I’m not your bro.” Isak scoffs in annoyance.

“Ok. Relax.” Mikael says more seriously, now standing in front of Even. “I won’t hurt him, I just want to talk to him.”

Even still hasn’t moved yet, but his grip on Isak’s hand is so tight it hurts. Isak doesn’t mind the pain, though. He needs to protect him. Whatever these guys did to Even, they clearly hurt him, and there is no way they’re going to do it again. At least, not under his watch. So Isak bravely steps in front of Even, shielding his body, and pushes the guy.

And—maybe that wasn’t really a good idea, because now Mikael is pushing him back, and it triggers something in Isak’s brain, and his fist connects with the boy’s jaw instantly.

The next second, a third guy barges his own fist into Isak’s nose, knocking him out of balance and knocking the air out of his lungs. His eyes are clenched shut, his hands pressed to his thumping nose, but he still can hear his friends running towards them and starting a fight. Even probably breaks out of his trance, because he’s now crouching behind Isak, holding his head in his hand and helping him up.

When Isak opens his eyes, the first thing he looks at is his hands. They’re dripping with a red liquid, and Isak feels his head turning. Isak’s nose is bleeding, and it hurts like hell. He still gets up though, because when his eyes land on the boys, someone just punched Jonas and—Isak sees red. He jumps up on his feet and back into the fight, not caring one bit that his nose is bleeding and that he can’t breathe properly. No one in this world is allowed to punch his best friend.

It’s a fucking mess. Everything is happening so fast, everything is a blur. The two groups of friends are fighting each other, for no valuable reason except for Even’s sake, and it’s another full minute of all of them wrestling the other, before Sana comes out the bar with one of the dudes on her heels and scream at them. Eventually, the fight breaks, but the tension is still there and everyone is throwing death glare at one another. Even takes Isak by the shoulder, walking him away from them, and Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi follow.

Isak wipes at his nose again and winces from the pain. He looks down at his hand and the blood there is dripping all over his hand and down his vest’s sleeve. His cheek starts to hurt, too, and he knows he’ll probably have bruises and a black eye.

“Isak, we have to go to the hospital.” Even says, the first words since they’re outside.

Isak whines, his head turning and his whole face hurting like hell. He’s vaguely aware of Sana’s presence, but he’s sincerely too buzzed to know what is happening. Even and the boys help Isak walk to the nearest tram station, leaving a confused Sana behind them.

The ride to the hospital is never ending, and Isak wants to die. His face is on fire, he’s afraid his nose is broken, and tears are streaming down his cheeks uncontrollably. Even keeps apologizing, running soothing circles on Isak’s back, but it starts to get annoying and he just wants to shut the whole world down. His breathing is erratic because the blood is blocking the air through his nose, and Isak leans his head back against the window. He closes his eyes and tries to numb the feeling out, only wishing his nose isn’t broken. He feels Even’s head falling on his shoulder, and his hand holding his, not caring about the blood on it.

He takes a deep, aching breath in, and lets his mind goes black. Even will wake him up when they’ll get there.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even come back form the hospital. Even finally reveals his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dark things coming up. 
> 
> Please be careful when reading, if you think you can't handle this, just skip this chapter and keep in mind for the next one that Even told Isak what happened when he was manic last year (not the same story from the OG Skam, but it's not that important). 
> 
> PLEASE tell me if you think I should add tags or something to warn the next readers, I'd really appreciate it if you think I need to add more.

Isak takes off his shoes and leaves his stained vest on the back of the couch. He’s too lazy to take care of it, even though he knows he should clean it before the stain won’t leave. He’s too stoned on the painkillers the nurse gave him, and the night has been long enough already. He just wants to crawl into bed. Even follows him silently to his bedroom, and Isak closes the door behind him. He takes off his clothes painfully, and plumps down on the mattress. He takes the frozen peas’ bag from Even’s hand and presses it to his face. He closes his eyes a moment to relax and forget about the night.

It turns out his nose isn’t broken, but it still hurts like hell, and his whole face is swollen. Isak hasn’t looked at himself in the mirror yet, but he’s pretty sure he looks like absolute shit. His left jaw tilts at the rhythm of his heartbeat, his eye feels like it’s pierced by a knitting needle, his lower lip split in the middle and there’s still some dried blood on his chin. Isak needs a quick shower, but he’s not sure if he’ll handle being up under the hot stream, so he shrugs the thought off. He’ll shower in the morning when he’ll feel better.

Even has been peculiarly silent since they came back from the hospital an hour ago. He’s following Isak everywhere in his apartment like a shadow or a lost puppy. He follows him in the kitchen when Isak replaces the bag of peas in the freezer, and follows him in the bathroom when he brushes his teeth and pee. He looks so sad, and conflicted, and overall really drained. Isak feels like he should be the one feeling the more worn-out, but it hurts him to see Even that way. It reminds him of when Even was depressive, and he doesn’t want Even to go there again. Not after all the progress he’s made.

Seeing these guys probably caused him a lot of torment and brought back painful memories, and Isak wonders how Even is feeling. Isak still doesn’t know who exactly they are, except for his ‘old friends from Bakka’. He turns his head to face Even who is sitting on his desk chair, his whole posture slouched. He’s fidgeting with one of Isak’s pencil from his desk, and Isak sighs and pats the empty space next to him.

“Com’ here.” He asks, his voice raw.

Even obeys, not looking him in the eyes. He puts the pencil back on the desk, holding the page of his textbook open, and stands up from the chair. He sits next to Isak, his back turned on him, and Isak doesn’t like that. He lifts an arm to reach his shoulder and pulls him in. Even lets himself fall in the space between Isak’s chest and the end of the mattress, still not facing Isak. He’d rather look at the printed memes on the wall, or the dresser that is menacing to explode with tossed clothes in it. Even’s eyes are everywhere and nowhere at once. He can’t decide what to put his focus on, his thoughts relentless.

“Turn around.” Isak says.

He doesn’t mean to sound so angry or expectant. He’s not feeling any of these emotions, he just wants to make sure his boyfriend is ok. He’s worried because even though Even is right next to him, he feels so distant. _His mind_ isn’t here, and Isak knows it. It feels just like when Even was when he first visited him after his manic episode. Body still here, but his mind elsewhere.

“Baby, please. Look at me.” He says more gently.

Even turns around and but doesn’t look directly in his eyes. Isak is met with grey eyes that are almost empty of emotions. Isak knows that stare. He knows Even is lost in his mind, that he’s probably exhausted and that it won’t be long before he needs to sleep. Isak presses his hand lightly on Even’s cheek, trying to catch his focus. When Even looks him in the eyes, there are tears swelling up at the corners of his eyes, and Isak is fast to reassure him. He bumps his nose gently on his, ignoring completely the pain it just causes him, and tries his best to smile through the pain.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright.” Isak hushes.

“Y-you deserve to know what happened…” Even says, his voice cracking at the end and Isak hates the sound of it.

“Yeah, but we don’t have to talk about it right now.” He promises him. “What about we go to sleep, and we’ll talk in the morning, hm?”

Even bites his lower lip and nods, his eyes drooping with sleep. He leans his forehead against Isak’s, and puts an arm loosely around his waist.

“I’m so sorry.” He mumbles.

“It’s ok.” Isak breathes out. “I’m not mad.”

“Sure?” His voice only above a whisper.

“Yeah.” Isak promises.

Even hums in response, then goes slack in Isak’s arms.

Isak has more difficulty than Even to fall asleep because his mind can’t stop spinning. He tries to imagine what could’ve happened between Even and his friends, why he’s so frightened by them, and why these boys almost seemed scared of Even. Sure, they wanted to talk to him, but they looked like they were the ones afraid of Even, and not the other way round. Around three in the morning, Isak finally falls asleep, so many questions still hanging on his lips.

***

The next morning, when Isak wakes up, Even is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out the window pensively. He’s disheveled and his shirt is fitting loosely around his shoulders. Isak stretches and winces at the pounding pain he feels in his back. Even doesn’t turn around, but Isak knows that Even is aware of him being awake. His shoulders tense up, like he’s holding his breath, and Isak’s heart is aching at the sight.

“Good morning.” He tries, his voice sore and dry like sandpaper. 

Even turns around ever so slightly, only glancing at him over his shoulder before returning his attention to the world outside. The street is peaceful, almost empty because people probably are sleeping in or having brunch. There’s only an old man walking his dog at a pace so slow that Isak could fall back asleep just watching him. Even’s stare is pointedly focused on the dog, a fat beagle that sniffs every tree he crosses.

“I fucked up.” Even suddenly speaks out.

“No, it’s fine. It’s not your fault.” Isak wants to reassure him already, but Even shakes his head.

“Last year.” Even clarifies.

Isak opens his mouth to speak again, but shuts it instantly because the determination in Even’s voice makes him believe he’s about to finally tell his story. It’s also very faint, Isak thinks that anything might shake Even’s confidence and blows it out. So Isak stays silent, just nods carefully and invites him to continue.

“I—” Even takes a deep breath in. “I think a part of me already knew that I was bipolar, but I didn’t want to face the truth. And when I started to realize I like both men and women, I started to hang out in weird places. Mostly gay bars. I wasn’t even eighteen yet, but my birthday was in a couple of weeks and I knew the guy at the door, so he let me in anyway. My friends didn’t know yet that I was pansexual. At school, I was chasing girls, and at night, I was chasing boys.”

Isak holds his breath, afraid of what is coming up.

“One time, during one of my manic episodes, I let three guys convince me to suck them for cash. I was so fucked up, Isak, you have no idea…” Even takes a pause to breathe through his nose, gathering his thoughts for the rest of the story. “I-I was under-aged and haven’t had gay sex yet, so I accepted. I think they were at uni, because they weren’t that old, and they seemed to be friends. I don’t remember all of it, I was pretty drunk and manic, so there are bits I don’t remember, but I—I remember kneeling in front of the three of them.”

Isak is biting on his tongue so hard it might bleed. He’s desperately trying his damn best not to spit out something, anything. His brain is wild, his heart even wilder. Isak is fucking mad. Not at Even, of course, but at these three fuckers. Who the fuck abuses a teenager _and pays him?_ Fuck, Isak wants to go back in time and save Even from that event, from that embarrassment. Isak wants to track these boys online, find them in real life, and beat the shit out of them. Hell, he’d go to jail just so he would have the satisfaction of destroying them as much as they destroyed Even. Isak is so deep in his dark thoughts that he doesn’t realizes Even keeps talking.

“When I told my friends that I sucked three guys for money, they asked me why I did it. I just shrugged, because at that time it didn’t seem like a big deal, you know? I told them it was just for fun, and they gave me money, so I was happy. I didn’t see how problematic it was. And, I think I liked it, because they were all being so nice to me, calling me pretty and saying sweet things to me.”

“Even, fucking hell, they took advantage of you. That’s not right.” Isak breaks, poison in his voice.

“I know.” Even replies instantly, shrinking at Isak’s bitter tone. “I know, now. It just felt right at that time, with me being manic and all. I was exploring my sexuality and my mind wasn’t in the right place, but it felt right back then. I never complained about it because I wasn’t thinking clear, but I know it wasn’t ok for them to do that, and for me to accept. But please, understand me.” Even finally turns to Isak with so much pain in his eyes. “I was ill, and it was my first time.”

Isak’s heart breaks even more at that piece of information. Even’s first time was in a nasty bar’s bathroom with three dudes who _abused_ him while he was under eighteen? Hell, no. Did they drug him, too? Did they put something in his glass, or forced him to drink? Isak is worried they might have tried anything else on him, but Even seems to read his mind because he’s shaking his head no promptly.

“Nothing else happened, I promise.” He says solemnly. “I might not remember everything, but I know that nothing else happened.”

Isak only nods, releasing his breath a little. At least, there’s that. His mind eases a little too, relieved that nothing else happened to him while he wasn’t able to think this through with a clear head. It still pisses him off that these assholes took advantage of him, but there’s nothing else Isak can do about it now. It’s all in the past, and Even seems to be over it. Maybe Isak is over-reacting about this, so he tries to calm down, to focus on the rest of Even’s story. 

“After I told my friends what happened, they were more distant and acting weird around me. I wanted to prove them there was nothing wrong with being pansexual—or gay, if that’s what they were so afraid of—so I… I kissed Mikael. In the schoolyard. He punched me so hard I fell backward.” Even ducks his head down and stares at his knees. “Everyone saw it, and it created so much drama. People at Bakka are normally open-minded, but I think there might have been rumors about me going around already, because it was like everywhere I went, people would be staring at me and calling me a whore. Some dude even proposed to fuck me and pay me, as a joke.”

Isak’s hand reaches for Even’s, silently supporting him to continue when Even’s pause becomes too long to bear. Or maybe it’s because Isak needs comfort too. He’s not sure anymore what he feels inside of him.

“It took me some days, but when I realized what I’ve done, I tried to talk to the boys but none of them would listen to me. Even Mikael, who was my best friend since childhood, was avoiding me like the plague. I was fucking devastated. I didn’t know what was wrong with myself… The pressure got too much, and I didn’t know how to handle the pain, so I… I tried to kill myself.” Even lets out in a shaky voice.

Even untangles their jointed hands to lift the sleeve of his shirt. In the morning light, Isak can see perfectly the scars on his wrist. There are four pink lines along his forearm, some of them more hesitant than the others. One of them is definitely redder than the others, and Isak’s stomach is churning at the thought of Even bathing in his own blood. He’s so fucking grateful that Even’s father found him, because who knows if Even would still be here today.

Isak knows how the body works, but it still petrifies him to realize how long it takes for the scars to heal. It all happened a year ago, if he believes what Even told him, and Even is still marked by this. It’s not like he has never seen the scars before, but now he knows the story behind it, and he’s completely astonished by it. He never thought what happened could be this bad.

“Fuck, Evy—” Isak cries out.

“I was hospitalized all summer.” Even continues, because he doesn’t know what else to do. “I woke up in a hospital room two days later, I think. My mom was crying, and my dad was destroyed. He’s the one who found me.”

“Yeah, your mom told me.” Isak says through hiccups.

“I had to stay in hospital for a few more days because they pumped my stomach, too. I also took painkillers that night, but it just made me sick instead of ending me like I thought they would. Then I got transferred to Gaustad where I was forced into therapy, and they had to force the medication down my throat the first time.”

“Faen, that sounds intense…”

“Yeah… But eventually, I came up to my senses and started to follow the treatment after a week or two. At the end of summer, I was doing better, but it saddened me that nobody visited me outside of my family.”

“No one came to see you?” Isak asks, truly surprised.

If it was him who tried to kill himself and was in hospital, he’s hoping his friend would have visited him. Or at least Jonas. Even if he was going through a lot and did some shitty things, he’s sure his best friend would’ve come to see him at least once. 

Isak is heartbroken for Even. He can’t believe none of his friends tried to reconnect with him, to know if he was ok. What kind of friends they were, not to care about him when he literally tried to kill himself? Isak can’t believe what Even went through and that he kept all that for himself—except probably his therapist.

“When I first saw you on the stairs—” Even says, his voice small and sad. Isak knows Even is about to break soon. “I wanted to befriend you because I had no one.”

“You have me now.” Isak says, feeling the sudden need to pull Even in his arms.

He tugs on Even’s shoulder to press him against his chest, his hand flying to Even’s hair and petting them soothingly. After holding back his tears for so long, Even finally burst into sobs, his shoulders shaking forcefully with his hysterical cries. Isak shushes him and holds him even tighter, telling him he’s here, promising that everything is going to be alright, now. 

Isak puts his head on top of Even’s and looks out the window. He notices the old man and his dog are gone now, the street completely empty, and it’s as if they were alone in the world. And, honestly, that’s exactly how Isak is feeling right now. It’s Isak and Even against the world. They both fought so much demons, went through some dark shit, but they found each other just at the right time. Even found Isak when he was lonelier than ever, and Isak found Even when he needed it the most. Even helped him in so many ways—not only with his mom, nor his coming out, but with accepting who he was and with falling in love with life again. And with what Even just told him, Isak is pretty sure he did the same for him unconsciously.

Isak thinks that they’re safe now. He now knows about Even’s past, and Even already knows about his. There’s nothing else between them anymore, or nothing holding them back. No more secrets, Isak hopes. Isak is glad Even confided in him and trusted him enough with his story. He’s still shaken by all of it, because it’s a lot to take in, but he stays strong for Even. He needs to be strong enough, to protect Even and let him know that nothing—or no one else will hurt him, as long as he’s around. He promises him to always be by his side, and supporting him in whatever way Even needs him to.

Isak lies back on the bed, and Even follows willingly, his body heavy and shaky. He pulls a pillow under his head and the duvet over Even’s body, wrapping him in like a burrito. Even’s legs are tangled with Isak’s, his fists clenching at Isak’s sheets. Isak rubs comforting circles on his back, caresses his hair gently, and kisses his temple until Even’s breathing calms down.

After a while, Even’s body stops trembling and goes slump. Light snores come out in hot, wet breath against his shoulder, and Isak lets out a small sigh. He hopes Even is going to feel better when he wakes up, that he won’t slide into another depressive episode because of what happened yesterday, or even today. Confessing all of what he said must have taken a lot of courage and drained all of his energy. Isak is glad that Even is finally asleep, because when Even is asleep, at least, his mind isn’t racing or being tormented by whatever is haunting him. When Even is asleep, his body is more relaxed, his shoulders aren’t tensed, and Even can’t worry about anything. His face isn’t scrunched in pain or sadness, and there are no more tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s less stressed, less troubled. He looks so vulnerable, so fragile.

Isak wraps his arms around Even’s body and watches him sleep.

Even’s sleep almost seems serene. Isak’s heart still aches, but he’s determined to protect Even at all coast. He’s ready to face whatever might come his way when Even will wake up. But for now, the older boy is breathing peacefully and holding onto Isak like a lifeline.

“You’re safe now.” Isak promises in a whisper. 


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sana tells Isak that her brother and his friends miss Even. Isak convinces Even to talk to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit short, but I felt like I needed to separate this from the next one because Even has a lot of things to say to his friends. 
> 
> ALSO, I'd like to warn you guys that I might have trouble to upload the last chapters in time, because I have a crazy week ahead of me at work, and I'm not even sure when I'll find the time to write... But I'll try my best, I swear. 
> 
> Only a few chapters left!!! Can't believe we're already there. Wow.  
Thank you all so much for the love and support, you're incredible. 
> 
> xx

It’s been five days since the fight at Syng, and Even’s moods are still unstable. He goes to school everyday because he missed too many days of school already, but he’s been acting more like a zombie than anything. Isak knows Even isn’t focused during his classes because he noticed that most of his school notes aren’t longer than two lines and mindless doodles when he looked at it while Even was in the shower the other day. Isak feels kind of bad to be going through Even’s stuff, but he’s mostly worried because Even is being distant and shuts himself from the others. Isak thought that things would be better after he learned what happened to Even, but the older boy seems to isolate himself more than opening to Isak, and Isak doesn’t know what to do to make Even feel better anymore.

Even is sitting next to Isak in the cafeteria, picking at his food more than eating it, and Isak is worried Even is slipping into a depressive episode because he hasn’t eaten breakfast this morning and now he’s just poking his chicken with his fork. Though he can see that Even is making an effort to get out of bed and do his homework, Isak doesn’t want to read too much into it. Even has been through a lot and needs time to get over it, Isak probably shouldn’t be that worried. But the ache in his heart is hard to ignore when Even has been sitting there, his gaze empty like a sleepwalker, and tuning the world out. He doesn’t even laugh with the other boys when Magnus tells them how embarrassing his mother was when he introduced her to Vilde this week-end. Isak just wants to put the whole world on hold, to freeze time, and hold him in his arms until Even doesn’t feel anything but his love.

Isak puts a hand on Even’s thigh and squeezes it gently, snapping Even out of his thoughts. He smiles at him encouragingly, and Even manages a small smile back, but it definitely doesn’t reach up his eyes. Isak leans into Even’s side gives him a quick peck on the cheek.

“That chicken won’t eat itself alone, babe.” He encourages him.

“I’m not really hungry.” Even shrugs.

“Can you at least eat one bite?” Isak asks, not wanting to push Even too much but still worried about him. “For me?”

Even sighs loudly, then nods his head. He picks up his fork to his mouth and munches on his bite longer than necessary before swallowing. He repeats it two other times, just for good measure, and empties his bottle of water. Isak gives him a gentle smile.

“See? That wasn’t that hard.” He says, relieved that Even will at least have a little something on his stomach to go through the rest of the day.

“Mmm.” Even hums, then pushes his plate farther in front of him to rest his head on the table.

Isak juggles between comforting Even, and being his playful self with the boys.

On Monday morning, during their Norwegian class, Isak explained briefly to Jonas what Even told him—not going too much into details because he knows it’s not his place to tell Even’s story, but he’s sure that Jonas has warned Magnus and Mahdi because none of them has asked Even what was wrong. It is pretty obvious that he isn’t in a good place right now, so they give him the space and time Even needs, but still manage to include him in their conversation from time to time.

Isak’s hand massages Even’s shoulder blades and the nape of his neck while half-listening to Jonas and Mahdi talk about the next FIFA tournament they’re planning this week-end. Isak would like to go, but he’s not sure Even will feel like it and he doesn’t want to leave him alone. There’s still two days before the week-end, but if things don’t change, Even will probably still be a bit down on Saturday. 

“Are you coming back to mine tonight?” Isak asks Even when he zones out of Jonas’ conversation.

“I think I’m gonna go to my parents. I haven’t been there in a while, and I forgot to bring one of my books the other day.” Even replies.

“Oh, sure. OK. Tell them hi for me.” Isak says, somewhat relieved.

It’s not that he’s tired of Even, but school is complicated enough without having the pressure of making sure that he isn’t going to slip any second. Sure, he’s been used to have Even around at all times, but Even still needs to go back to his place from time to time, and Isak can’t stop him from doing that. And he knows Even’s parents will take good care of him, so Even is in good hands. Having the night for himself will also help him concentrate on his upcoming exam, because he’s been distracted more than he expected lately.

***

Ten minutes before the bell rings, Isak walks Even to his class and tells him goodbye. They probably won’t see each other until the end of the day, because Even’s classes aren’t in the same building than Isak’s, so Isak wants to kiss him goodbye before they go their separate ways. They hold hands and Even lets Isak pull him in a tight hug, wrapping his arms around him too, but it feels forced. Or—not forced. Exhausting. Even looks tired, even though he slept nine hours last night in Isak’s bed. Isak can’t wait for Even to be happy again, but he loves him through highs and lows, and would never dare to imagine his life without him. He tells him just that, to make sure Even remembers how much Isak cares for him, and reassures him he’s here. Even nods, his lips pressed firmly into a fine line, and closes his eyes as he leans his forehead against Isak’s. Even isn’t very vocal these days, but the little gestures like this makes Isak know he’s at least aware of his feelings. They stay like that until the bell rings.

Isak then hurries to his class and sits next to Sana just before the teacher closes the door. He tries to avoid her gaze on his face as he sits, but it’s hard to ignore her persistent look. She’s all perched on the desk, trying to catch his attention, and when Isak finally looks at her, he ducks his gaze on his own desk, feeling his cheeks blush instantly. Sometimes, Isak forgets his face is bruised and his bottom lip split in the middle. Sana waits until the teacher lets them work in team before she talks to Isak.

“Hei, so hum…” She begins, opening her book. “I’m really sorry for Friday night. My brother shouldn’t have hit you.”

“It’s fine.” Isak grumbles. “I guess I shouldn’t have punched Mikael first.”

They read the instructions of the project in silence, then Sana breaks the silence again after a few awkward minutes.

“How’s Even?”

“Not so good.” He admits, his eyes fixed on the diagram on the page. “Why?”

“Elias and his friends asked me if I knew him. I couldn’t lie to them, so I said yes, that I saw him a few times at parties and that he’s my biology partner’s boyfriend…”

“They asked about him?” Isak lifts his head from the book. “Why didn’t they send him a message directly instead?”

“They tried, Isak.” Sana sighs. “But Even keeps blocking their calls and doesn’t respond to their messages. It’s been like this for months.”

“Months!?” Isak exclaims.

He apologizes when the teacher asks him to keep it down. He looks back to Sana.

“Are you sure they’ve been texting the right number?”

“Yes. Even hasn’t changed his phone number.”

“I don’t understand…” Isak mumbles to himself.

Isak suddenly remembers whenever Even would receive a call and send it to the voicemail, or the one text Isak accidently saw from an unknown number that only said _‘hi’_. Even was taking pictures when that happened, and has asked Isak to hold his phone. Isak has mentioned it to Even immediately, but Even just shrugged it off and said it probably was a wrong number, not wanting Isak to reply. He never imagined it could be from Even’s old friends, but it made sense. Even’s social medias were inexistent, and there weren’t many contacts in his list.

When Isak looks up at Sana again, she seems to come to the same conclusions as him, because she’s smiling apologetically.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I think Even should talk to them. They really miss him. I don’t know the whole story, but they never had the chance to get an explanation from him.”

“I’ll talk to him.” Isak acquiesces.

Sana nods, then concentrates on the questions on the page. Isak does the same, and they share their answers. It’s comfortable between them, even though they talked about Even only seconds ago. Isak is glad to have a friend outside of his friends group, because Sana is an exceptionally good listener. She’s also not afraid to tell you when you’re wrong, and Isak appreciates it even though he’s too stubborn to admit it. Sana is very brilliant, her mind seeing and understanding things Isak doesn’t, and together they are the perfect bio partners. They’re a good team, Isak thinks.

Isak was the only one amongst his friends to choose biology as an extra credit class, so he had no one to sit with in class. When he entered the classroom for the first time, there was only one seat available next to a girl wearing all black from head to toe at the back of the room. Her hijab made her face look like it was floating in front of a black curtain, and her eye make-up made her look like she was angry. If Isak didn’t know what a resting bitch face was before that day, he then learned it the hard way when he sat next to her. She didn’t smile at him or say anything, really. Isak was almost intimidated by her, but after a few days, they had to pair up with a classmate for a project, and it seemed like the girl didn’t have any friends in the class too, so they started to work together and soon became civil, friendly even. 

***

On Friday night, Isak watches Even editing a video for one of his school projects, and bites his lips. He’s lying on his bed, his books open in front of him, and Even is sitting at his desk. Even has been better, started to eat again, but he was still more taciturn than usual, always in his own head.

Isak’s phone buzzes next to him and Isak angles the screen so he can see who’s texting him. He supposes it’s Jonas sending him a picture of the boys at a party, a bit envious that he couldn’t be there. Or—he could have been there. He just doesn’t want to leave Even alone at home, so he’s staying home, trying to concentrate on his homework, but he can’t seem to grasp his head around the subject. When he sees Sana’s name on the screen instead of Jonas’, he lifts his phone closer and opens the new message.

_From Sana: My brother invited his friends over tomorrow. Maybe you could convince Even to come and talk to them? You’re more than welcome too._

Isak’s thumb hover over the keyboard, not sure what to do. He looks up at Even who’s fully concentrated on editing one specific part of his clip. Isak sends a thumbs up and lets her know if Even wants to. Isak closes his phone and lets it fall back on the bed.

“Baby?” Isak calls.

“Hm?” Even replies, his eyes still on his computer.

“Come here.”

Even finally looks up from his laptop and turns his head in Isak’s direction. Isak is all sprawled on the mattress, his books untouched from the same page he looked at fifteen minutes ago.

“I need to finish this tonight, I was supposed to send it to my partner yesterday.” Even says.

“You haven’t touched me in a week.” Isak pouts.

Going from having sex with Even almost every day to not at all is pretty hard on Isak’s nerves, but he doesn’t want to force Even to do anything he’s not ready for, or wanting to. Even looks down, like he’s ashamed of not being enough for Isak, and Isak feels bad instantly. He was mostly kidding, but he knows Even isn’t in the mood for it now, so he reaches for Even’s hand and tries a different approach.

“I just want to hug, I promise.” He adds softly.

Even sighs but gets up from Isak’s chair and stands next to the bed. Isak lets go of Even’s hand to toss his books away, not caring to remember on what page he was. He welcomes Even gratefully in his arms when the taller boy lets himself fall on the mattress next to him. His arms wraps around Even and he locks his legs with Even’s.

“You know I love you, yeah?” Isak whispers in Even’s ear.

“Yeah.” Even mumbles against Isak’s shoulder, tightening his own arms around Isak’s waist.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” Isak urges.

Even leans back, confusion painting his features. Isak darts his tongue out to wet his lips before announcing he talked to Sana about him and his friends.

“She says they miss you, Even.” Isak informs him. “They tried to reach out for you, and you kept pushing them away? I don’t understand why.”

“Is—” Even sighs.

“No, please.” Isak interrupts him. “You told me no one came to visit you all summer except for your parents… But did you even let them?”

Even’s breath hitches like he’s just been punched in the guts, and Isak hates it already. But he really needs to know.

“Even, your friends still care about you. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have come to you last week, or tried to call you so many times.” Isak states the facts. “And I’m pretty sure you do too.”

Even’s nostrils are expanding with the force of his breathing, pain and worry clouding Even’s eyes. He’s almost trembling under Isak’s touch, and Isak bumps his nose lightly to Even’s, to reassure him.

“Obviously I can’t force to you talk to them, but I really think you should. It might help you get over it, to heal properly. You said the same thing about my mom, and it helped me.”

“But what if—what if they hate me?” Even responds weakly.

“Does it bother you that much?” Isak asks gently.

Even nods.

“Then I’ll make sure that no one gets in your way to happiness. I’ll protect you from them, or I’ll even beat them if you want me to. But I think we both know I’m not the strongest guy in the world.” He jokes.

Even chuckles then nod again, his head in the crook of his neck between his neck and shoulder.

“Ok.” He mumbles.

“Ok?” Isak repeats, wondering if Even is agreeing with him being weak or with the idea of talking to his friends.

“Ok, I’ll talk to them.” Even exhales.

“Oh, that’s great.” Isak presses a kiss to his temple. “I’ll let Sana know we’ll stop by tomorrow.”

Even tightens his hold onto Isak.

“Will you be there?” He murmurs.

“Do you want me to?”

Isak feels Even nods against his shoulder, and his heart does a flip on itself.

“Then I’ll stand by your side as long as you need me.”


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even meet his old friends at Sana's place.
> 
> /!\ Smut scene between the lines, skip this part if you don't want to read it! /!\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of changed my mind and needed to add the shower scene, to add more words.   
(and so Isak knows Even is doing better, y'know.)
> 
> Thank you for your comments, they all make me very happy! <3 
> 
> xx

When Even accepted to meet with his old friends, Isak called Sana to let her know they would be both there. She said the guys would be there around ten. She said it was perfectly fine if they wanted to join them for brunch, or if they’d rather come later in the afternoon. Even agreed to go in the morning, that the food might be a good distraction if he’s too stressed.

Before going to sleep, Even finished his video and sent it to his classmate. Isak then convinced him to take a shower in the morning, so they’d be clean and smell good. Isak has never been a morning person, but he was willing to do anything for Even’s sake, so he woke up at the sound of his alarm and turned around to face Even. He expected to find him asleep, but Even’s eyes were wide open, fixing the ceiling with such intensity, Isak isn’t sure if he ever slept at all.

“Hei.” He calls quietly, but his voice is dry from sleep and gravy. Isak clears his throat before continuing, “It’s not too late to bail out of this, if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine.” Even turns his head to look at Isak. “I was just thinking.”

“Ok then.” Isak smiles. “Shower?”

Even nods, and they both get up. They walk up to the bathroom, glad that no one’s awake yet. Eskild went out last night and came back home pretty late, Noora had to stay up late to finish a project for school too, and Linn probably is sound asleep. Isak locks the door and turns around. He turns on the water to let it heat up while he undresses, followed by Even. Showering together feels so natural, so familiar. They both shuffle around the shower easily, without bumping into the other when they swipe positions to be under the stream.

* * *

Seeing Even naked with water running down his torso makes Isak’s dick thickens. He’s a teenage boy who hasn’t been touched in a week, after all. He tries not to act on it, but his hands reach up to Even’s waist before he can think this through. He just needs to feel him under his touch, it’s not even like he expects Even to touch him back or anything. He just wants to feel him, to know he’s really here. That this isn’t a dream—because sometimes being with Even feels like a dream. When Even finishes rinsing the shampoo off his hair, he looks down at Isak with a small smug.

“Always so needy, hm?” Even teases him.

And—fuck. Isak flushes and looks down, but well, Even’s dick happens to be in his vision. Isak can’t hide his excitement, nor his embarrassment.

“Sorry, I guess it’s just been a while since I saw you naked.” He murmurs.

“D’you want me to suck you off?” Even offers.

Isak looks up at him again, half-closing his eyes when there are droplets of water that fall on his cheek.

“Babe, you don’t have to.” Isak starts, his voice sounding small and shy.

“You’re always taking care of me.” Even says. “Someone needs to take care of you too.”

Isak gulps, his dick twitches again just at the thought of Even’s lips around him. He’s searching Even’s gaze, looking for something that might tell him Even doesn’t really want this, but Even’s eyes are slowly coming back to life, blue being swallowed by the dark of his pupils. Even parts his lips, then leans down and stops only inches away from Isak’s mouth.

“Do you want me to suck you?” He asks again, his voice deep and low.

Isak breathes out a yes, feels his heart pounding in his chest. _Fuck _he wants this so bad. But he really doesn’t want Even to feel forced into it.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks, panting.

Even doesn’t answer, just closes the distance between their mouths and grasps Isak by the waist. He presses his body against his, between him and the cold ceramic on the walls. Isak shivers, though he’s not sure if it’s from the cold or from Even’s half-hard dick against his belly. He groans against his mouth, feeling his legs go wobbly. One of Even’s hands reach up for Isak’s hair, tightening around a fistful of golden locks. Isak opens his mouth and exhales happily when Even’s tongue slides into his mouth, dancing with his own. Isak bucks his hips uncontrollably, needing even more friction down there.

He hasn’t had any in a long time, and he’s sort of desperate for some more. His hands fly to Even’s back, one hand holding onto his shoulder, the other going down and cupping his perfect, round ass. Their breath become one, their hands grasping at every inch of skin they can, their tongue dancing at a feverish pace. Even grinds into Isak, parting his legs with one of his knees.

Feeling a bit dizzy, Isak breaks off the kiss to get some air, leaning his head against the cool tile behind him.

“Fuck, Even.” He gasps.

Even takes that as an opportunity to get on his knees, between Isak’s legs. He looks up at him through thick lashes, and Isak’s dick jolts at the sight. His dick is an angry shade of red, fully hard, and leaking some pre-cum already. Honestly, Isak could come in seconds, only from looking at Even on his knees with his mouth so plump and looking so delicious. His hand flies to Even’s hair, tossing them to the side of his face, out of his eyes. Even’s hands find Isak’s hips and pin him against the wall.

Next thing he knows, Even is diving in, sudden warmth wrapping around Isak’s dick. Isak gasps, tries not to make too many sound. It’s still early in the morning, but he doesn’t want to wake any of his roommates. Even’s tongue is sliding against his length, putting an incredible pressure on it. Isak can feel his legs tremble already, but he doesn’t care because Even is holding him into place with a force he didn’t think he still had in him. His head bobs at a pleasant pace, his cheeks hollowing to swallow all air around his dick.

Isak clenches his fists in Even’s air, and he’s sincerely struggling between keeping his eyes open to admire Even, or to close them because of the good feeling it procures him. Even groans at the force of Isak’s tug, the sound resonating through all of his dick, sending chills to Isak’s spine. Isak wants to buck his hips, but doesn’t want to force himself down Even’s throat, so he curls his toes instead. Even must senses Isak’s needs, though, because his head goes farther, deeper around Isak’s hard member. Isak lets a low moan escape his mouth, and he doesn’t know if the dizziness he feels is from the feeling of finally having his dick down Even’s throat or from the heat of the shower stream.

When he feels one of Even’s hands leaving his hips, Isak looks down again at him only to find out that Even reached down between his own legs. Even is staring back at him, with dark eyes filled with desire. His head is still bobbing around his dick, his lips all round and pink from the friction it creates. Isak just stares at him, his mind in a hazy place. All he sees is Even. Even’s dark eyes, Even’s mouth around him, Even’s hand stroking his own dick feverishly. Even looks incredibly wrecked with his red lips, his red cheeks, his eyes pooling with uncontrollable tears from Isak’s length hitting the back of his throat.

It’s not long before his eyes close tightly shut, his mouth opens in a low groan and his balls send him fireworks through his whole body. He clenches at Even’s hair while coming inside of him, unable to do anything else. Isak feels his whole body go numb, but Even must have helped him sit down, because the fall isn’t even hard. It feels like falling on a cloud.

When Isak reopens his eyes, Even is crouching in front of him, still stroking his dick hastily. Isak reaches a hand out, to help him get off. When his fingers wrap around Even’s, Even withdraws his hand to let Isak take full control of his long, hard cock. He tugs on it a few times, amazed by the fucking sight, before diving in and wrapping his mouth around it. He missed it too much, missed Even so fucking much. Even feels hot in his mouth, tastes so good, Isak is salivating already. His hand keeps stroking on the length while his mouth tries to accommodate to the new girth inside of it. Even lifts a hand to Isak’s shoulder, goes up slowly. He rests his hand at the nape of his neck, his long fingers holding him in place at the back of his head. He doesn’t even force himself down Isak’s throat, just holds him there, letting Isak go to his own pace.

When Isak looks up, Even’s eyes are closed, his mouth a bit agape. He can see his chest expands with every inhale he takes, and he just wishes it could be like this forever. Having Even look so serene, so pleased. Isak bobs his head faster, deeper. He wants to feel all of Even inside of him, wants to make him feel as good as he did. Even’s brows form a line, and his breath itches. Isak can see him tremble, can feel him moves his hips slightly in his direction. Even lets out a grunts just above a whisper, but Isak knows he’s just about to come. Soon enough, hot sperm fills his mouth, the bitter taste of it spreading on his tongue and down his throat. He swallows rapidly, letting his tongue play with Even’s head and putting just the right amount of pressure on it to make Even shudders in pleasure like he knows it would.

When he leans back and sits against the cold tile, they both are panting messes than can barely stand. They grin at each other, speaking with their eyes only, and Even sits next to Isak, an arm snaking around his waist to cuddle him sideways.

A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door that make them both startle.

“Are you guys done? I really need to pee.” Eskild says through the door.

* * *

***

They’re thirty minutes late to Sana’s house, but it has nothing to do with their quickie in the shower, really. Isak messed up the tram schedules and they missed their transfer. Even is feeling lighter than he did all week, and holding hands with him never feels so good, Isak thinks. He’s still a little bit flushed when they get off the tram.

Isak guides them to Sana’s house, though Even walks beside him at a steady pace. He probably went there already, if he was friends with Elias, Isak realizes. The weather today is nice, the sun’s out and the air feels nice around them. Isak can hear birds chipping in the distance, and his eyes linger on different kind of flowers he doesn’t know the name of. He thinks of his mom, and how she developed a passion about flowers since volunteering at the flower shop.

It’s not a long walk to Sana’s house, only a minute or two, before they finally reach the place. Isak lets Even rings the doorbell when he’s ready, and they wait patiently at the door. Isak holds Even’s hand to reassure him. It only takes a few seconds, as if someone was waiting on the other side of the door, before the door opens widely. In front of them, Sana’s brother stares at them with a wild, unsure smile.

“Elias, move away.” Sana’s voice resonates through the hallway.

“Even, hi.” The guy says, ignoring Sana’s protests.

Even tightens his grip around Isak’s hand, but smiles shyly at Elias anyway.

“Halla.” Even says, his voice surprisingly still.

“You must be Isak.” Elias smiles at him within a few seconds.

“Yes.” He replies with a polite smile.

Sana grabs Elias’ shoulder and pulls him away. She sends him to the dining room where the other boys are, and finally looks at Isak and Even. She greets them with a warm smile and closes the door behind them. Even toes out of his shoes, and Isak imitates him. They follow Sana down the narrow hallway to the dining room. The room is naturally-lit by the big, double patio doors. The table at the center of the room is long enough for everyone to sit comfortably, and Isak wonders if that’s because Sana has a big family, or if they just like to invite friends over every other time. He’s surprised he never asked about her family before.

Even stands awkwardly in the doorframe and stares at the boys who stopped their conversations to look up at him. The silence stretches a little bit too long for Isak’s liking and it gets uncomfortable pretty fast. His eyes automatically land on Mikael, because he’s the one who he recognizes immediately. But then his eyes travel to Elias who was hunched over another boy’s chair. The boy has long dark hair, dark eyes, and wears his cap backwards, just like Isak does. He recognizes him the Facebook profile Sana was stalking the other day, but can’t remember his name. The two other boys are familiar too, but only because he saw them the week before. He has no memories whatsoever of their names or the level of friendship they had with Even.

Isak pushes gently in Even’s back, to encourage him to walk further into the room, to greet the boys. He’s only made three steps that Mikael is standing up from his chair and walks towards him. He glances quickly at Isak, as if he was measuring if he was planning on hitting him again, but Isak nods and tries to smile reassuringly. Mikael then breaks the distance between him and Even, wrapping him in a tight hug. Even freezes in surprise, but eventually puts his arms around Mikael’s shoulders too.

“Bro, we missed you so much.” Mikael breathes out.

“Me too.” Even admits, his voice muffled by Mikael’s shoulder.

Isak releases the breath he was holding. He’s relieved that Even didn’t changed his mind, or shut them out like he did in the past. They haven’t talked yet, but he’s hoping for the best. Sana invites him to sit and offers him orange juice. She introduces him to the guys. His brother Elias who punched him last week; Yousef, the boy with the dark hair and snapback; Adam and Mutasim—Mutta for short. All of them are Muslim, though Yousef doesn’t consider himself as one since a few months. Isak is amazed at how many love irradiates from them, not only for each other, but for Even who is basically like a stranger to them after a year of avoiding them.

Even hugs each one of them, exchanging some words that Isak can’t hear. When Even comes sit next to him, he reaches for his hand again. Sana hands them two empty plates. On the table, there are plates full of pastries, fruits, cheeses, and jams. And even though Isak knows Sana doesn’t eat meat, he’s fucking grateful for the plate of bacon in front of him. He takes two pieces of it and puts them in Even’s plate, then serves himself.

“We’re so glad you could join us.” Elias cheers. “We’re really sorry for what happened last week…”

“And last year.” Mikael adds. “I’m sorry I pushed you in the schoolyard.”

“No, it’s—it’s fine.” Even looks down at his plate. “You had every rights to push me. I kissed you without your consent.”

“Yeah, but still. I shouldn’t have hit you.”

Isak looks at Even, wondering if—or how—he’ll tell them what happened.

“It’s not your fault, really… It was me.” Even says, adding a waffle and fruits to his plate. “I wasn’t really myself…”

“What do you mean?” Adam asks, his tone curious but gentle.

Even draws a deep breath in, then lifts his head up to meet their eyes.

“Do you know what bipolar disorder is?” He asks, travelling his eyes from one boy to the others.

Some of them nods silently. Mutta shrugs, putting a handful of berries in his mouth. Yousef takes a sip of his coffee with a concerned frown. Even gulps down the lump in his throat.

“Without going in too many details, it’s a disease that makes people having emotional swings. They can be hyper where they feel invincible, or depressed, or both simultaneously.” He informs them. “And I… I have it.”

“So last year…” Mikael starts, hesitant. “When you sucked these guys and kissed me…?”

“I was manic.” Even completes his sentence. “I was only discovering my sexual orientation and thought that it was a good idea. It obviously wasn’t the best way to find out about my sexuality, but it felt right at that time. And when you guys all shut me out, I…”

Even clears his throat and frowns, trying to gather his thoughts. Isak puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it soothingly.

“It was my first episode, and the realization of what happened hit me hard. I was so devastated, and humiliated. I felt like nothing in this world was worth it anymore, so I tried to kill myself.” Even admits, lifting his sleeve just like he did when he told Isak. “I got hospitalized all summer, and changed school in the Fall. I had to retake my third year because I missed my finals, and I needed a fresh start in a school no one knew me.”

“Fy faen, Even.” Mutta gasps.

“Fuck, man.” Elias exclaims. “All that because of us?”

“N-no. Not just you guys.” Even swallows soundly. “Pretty much everyone at school knew I sucked guys for money. People stared at me in the hallways, calling me names. I couldn’t go back there after what happened.”

“Even, you should have told me.” Mikael’s voice breaks.

Even breathes in shakily.

“I couldn’t face you after what I did…” Even cries. “I wanted to die so badly, because you wouldn’t return my calls.”

“Even, I’m so sorry.” Mikael lets tears down his cheeks too. “I’m so fucking sorry. I swear, I had no idea you weren’t being yourself.”

Even puts his elbows on the table and hides his face in his hands, wiping at the tears. Isak draws soothing circles on his back, aching at the idea of not being able to take the pain away from him. The boys all cry for a few minutes, silence filling the room heavily. Even Sana wipes at her eyes not so discreetly. When they all begins breathing normally again, Mikael’s eyes land on Isak.

“I’m sorry for last week.” He says. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“I’m sorry I punched you.” Isak replies, chuckling at the memory.

“I’m sorry I punched you too.” Elias adds, sincerity written all over his face.

Last week now seemed very absurd, now that everything was good between them. Even finally came out to his friends, telling them about his bipolar disorder, and why he didn’t keep in touch with them. He introduced Isak to his friends properly, and everyone seemed happy to meet him, happy to see Even happy.

They all eat then, taking news of the others. Even informs them he’s thinking of pursuing film and medias studies, which surprises no one. Yousef talks about his job in a kindergarten and his upcoming trip to Turkey. Mikael, Adam and Mutta all talk about their plans for the near future. While they talk enthusiastically, Isak and Sana exchange about their biology project they have to return the next week.

Around two in the afternoon, Isak and Even finally leave Sana’s house. Even hugs each boy tightly with a promise of calling them soon. When they’re in the tramway, Isak looks up at Even with a content smile on his face. Even looks relieved, delighted, and satisfied. He also looks extenuated too, but Isak expected that, from the way Even has difficulties to stand heavy discussions like this. He knows he’ll probably want to take a nap as soon as they reach his flat, and Isak will let him happily.

For now, he rests his head on Even’s shoulder and holds his hand in his, thankful for the way things turned out. There is nothing holding Even back anymore, he thinks They can finally be happy and themselves completely. He lifts their jointed hands to kiss Even’s knuckles and holds their hands against his heart.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is sick of having roommates and can't wait to move out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry this chapter is shorter than expected.   
I was running short on time, and honestly didn't know what to add to it anyway. 
> 
> Hope you're all having a great day, and if nobody told you that already;  
You are beautiful, strong, and you can do amazing things if you believe in yourself! 
> 
> xx

It’s been twenty-seven minutes, and Isak is _still _waiting for Noora to get out of the shower. He knows girls like to take longer shower than boys, but damn, she’s literally monopolizing the whole bathroom while Isak only just wants to take a quick shower and brush his freaking teeth. Hell, Isak is so sick of living with three other roommates—four, if you count Even as a temporary roommate, since he’s been more often than not, but Isak can’t get bored of Even. Could never. There’s only four minutes before he has to leave for school, and he’s seriously considering skipping brushing his teeth. The shower could wait, he thinks. He’s that pissed. Even would understand, surely.

When he arrives at school, the boys are all waiting for him in the schoolyard in a small circle. Isak stands next to Even and comes to kiss him, but the older boy leans back at the last second.

“Did you wake up late?” He asks, giving Isak’s cheek a quick peck.

At least, he’s nice enough not to mention Isak’s odours.

“Not even. Noora was in the shower for forever.” Isak replies grumpily.

“You could have used the showers in the locker room.” Jonas suggests.

“Ugh, the thought never crossed my mind.” Isak groans. “I’m so sick of having roommates.”

“But who would cook you dinner?” Even teases. “Or clean up after you?”

“Come on, I’m not _that _messy.” Isak frowns.

The boys laugh heartily, then separate their own way when the school bell rings. Isak follows Jonas to their classroom, still pouting.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Jonas says, offering him a chewing gum.

“Thanks.” Isak puts the piece in his mouth gratefully. “But seriously, sometimes it is.”

“Well, it can’t be worse than still living with your parents.” 

“Ugh, true.” Isak replies, rolling his eyes. “I just can’t wait to have my own place.”

***

The next day, Isak wakes up earlier so he can hop into the shower before Noora does.

He sighs happily as the hot stream of water tickles his shoulders and his back, the strong pressure releasing some tension between his shoulder blades. He reaches for his bottle of shampoo, only to realize that it’s empty. And, well, Isak is almost sure that there was still some in it, the last time he used it. He grunts to himself and throws the empty bottle across the bathroom, not caring if the reverberating sound wakes up anyone. He uses Eskild’s most expensive shampoo just because he’s that petty, and washes his hair thoroughly, massaging his scalp with his fingers. He’s seconds away from rinsing the shampoo out of his hair when someone knocks on the door. Or—more like barging on it. Loudly. Repeatedly.

“Isak? Isak, please, open the fucking door!” Eskild screams at him.

“I’m busy!” He replies, stopping in his track.

“Please, I’m gonna throw up!”

Isak groans, reaches for his towel and wraps it around his waist, then walks carefully towards the door. When he opens it, Eskild runs past him and kneels instantly in front of the toilet, emptying his stomach.

“What the fuck, Eskild?” Isak exclaims, scrunching his nose at the noises Eskild makes. “Did you just come home?”

It takes a few seconds of Eskild still vomiting his guts out before he finally manages to responds to Isak that, yes, he just came home from a really amazing night out with a hot guy.

“Eskild, it’s fucking six in the morning. How can you still be so drunk? Every bar closes at like three.”

“We drank from his cabinet, dummy.” Eskild replies, his face a pale, greenish shade.

“Ok, but like, can you leave now? I need to rinse my hair.”

Eskild looks up at him with a scowl. Then stares at the foam on top of his head.

“Honey, is that my shampoo you’re using?”

“Yeah, my bottle was empty.” Isak shrugs and swipes at the shampoo coming down his forehead.

Eskild opens his mouth to reply, but he hunches over the toilet seat and vomits instead. Isak turns around, feeling his own stomach churns. Isak walks around Eskild, turns off the water and grabs a second towel from the shelves to take off the excess of shampoo in his hair, not even caring anymore that he didn’t rinse them off. He just can’t stand Eskild puking next to him.

At lunch, when Even joins him and the boys at their table, he smiles weirdly at Isak. Or rather at Isak’s head. He puts his tray down on the table and sits next to him, still staring at his head.

“What?” Isak mumbles, his mouth full of salad.

“Your hair… They look different.” Even chuckles. “Did you use a new product?”

“I couldn’t rinse them this morning, Eskild barged into the bathroom and was literally throwing up. I just left and tried to dry them with a towel.” Isak explains, his expression sour just at the memory.

Even and Magnus laugh, Even putting his hand on Isak’s on the table.

“Oh baby, I told you, you could come sleep at mine.” Even says through giggles.

“Yeah, but I really needed to focus on my project, and you know I can’t concentrate when you’re there…”

“At least, you showered.” Mahdi adds, making the whole table burst into a new fit of laughter except Isak who is still scowling.

“Guys, it’s not even funny.” Isak huffs, stabbing his salad with his fork.

***

On Saturday morning, Isak is happy to finally be able to stay in bed. He’s deeply wrapped in his duvet, Even lying down next to him with their limbs all tangled and his head on Isak’s chest. Isak has been drifting between sleeping and being barely awake for the last ten minutes, before the fire alarm goes off. They both startle and sit straight up, panic rising in their eyes. They can hear Linn in the kitchen coughing and swearing. Isak gets up hastily, puts on some sweater pants, and opens the door to look into the kitchen’s direction. When he sees a lot of steam, he runs to the kitchen and when he rounds the corner, he’s met with Linn trying to blow off the toaster with a kitchen towel.

“Linn, are you alright?” He almost screams.

“Oh!” She jumps at his voice. “Uh, yeah. I just forgot that I put bagels in it.” She says, coughing through the steam coming from the toaster.

Isak doesn’t know if he’s relieved that it’s just that, or just completely unimpressed. Luckily, Noora is at William’s place, and Eskild is having a breakfast date with a random guy he found on Grindr. Isak walks farther into the kitchen and opens the window to let the air get out. He then picks a chair from the table and puts it under the fire alarm system to unplug it. When the strident sound finally stops piercing his ears, he looks around him, looks at Linn. She looks terrible and just as discouraged by the whole situation as he is.

“Is everything alright?” Even finally walks into the kitchen, wearing only his boxers and one of Isak’s hoodie.

“Uh, yeah. Yes. Sorry to wake you up.” Linn says, avoiding his gaze.

“Maybe you should be more careful, next time.” Isak grunts through gritted teeth.

“Isak, chill. It’s ok. No one is injured.” Even scolds him, his eyes serious.

Isak sighs, then unfolds his arms. He looks at Linn with an apologetic look.

“Sorry, I’m just—”

“It’s fine… I should have been more careful.” Linn shrugs then throws away the two black half-bagels.

Isak returns to his room and Even follows him without a word. He just closes the door behind him and looks at Isak with a more severe look. Isak lets himself fall on the bed with a loud groan. Even sits on the edge, his hand finding Isak’s waist as he does.

“Babe, I know you’re not a morning person, but you shouldn’t yell at her like that. She’s having a hard time.” Even reasons him, drawing patterns on Isak’s waist where his finger touches his skin.

“I know, I just—” Isak sighs. “I’ve had a shitty week, and like, everyone in this apartment is making me crazy. I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Then why don’t you just move out?” Even asks, genuine curiosity in his voice.

Isak looks at him like Even just grown a new head.

“I can’t—I can’t _just move out_. Faen, do you even know how expansive apartments in Oslo are? I can’t afford it on my own, and there’s no way I’m gonna ask more money from my dad.”

“Maybe your mom would help you?” Even suggests. “Or you could go back to her place.”

Isak lets his head fall back on the pillow with a small growl. He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to think this through.

“No, I don’t… I don’t want to go back there. This place holds too many bad memories, even though my mom and I are in a better place now. There is no way I could go back living with my mom, not after being on my own for a year. Plus, she doesn’t have any paycheck, she’s volunteering.”

Even stays silent a few minutes, trying to find a solution to Isak’s problem too. He eventually lies down next to Isak, returning to the warmth of his arms. He turns on his side to hide his face in Isak’s neck, his arm sliding up Isak’s side to rest on his stomach. He runs his finger along Isak’s collarbones and shoulder, his eyes resting on Isak’s Adam apple. Isak can feel Even is seriously deep in thoughts, can feel how absent he is. Isak runs his hand on Even’s shoulder, playing with the soft fabric of his hoodie.

“Maybe…” Even starts, hesitant.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe I could move in with you?”

“Baby, you’re already here like 5 days a week.” Isak chuckles.

Even clears his throat and looks up at Isak.

“No, I mean… We could find a new apartment, just you and me.”

There is so much questioning in Even’s eyes, so much hope. Isak feels his heart expands at the idea of living with Even. Just the two of them. His previous argument still floats in his head, how apartments in Oslo are crazy expensive and small, but a part of him doesn’t even care that much. As long as he’s with Even, any flat could become his home. Hell, he would live in a broom closet if he could live with Even for the rest of his life. And it’s not like they would need a second bedroom. They could probably find a one-bedroom apartment that wouldn’t be too pricey and split the bills.

The idea slowly makes its way into Isak’s mind, and he smiles down at Even.

“It definitely would be nice to come home to you every day.” Isak says.

“You think so?” Even’s eyes lit up.

“Oh, I’m one hundred percent sure of that.”

Isak rolls his forehead against Even’s, then leans in and presses his lips against Even’s. Even sighs against his mouth and his hand flies up to cup Isak’s jaw, his thumb caressing his cheekbone. The kiss deepens within only a minute, and Isak can feel Even’s excitement grows against his thigh. He breaks the kiss to trail his mouth and tongue along Even’s jawline, going for his sweet spot under his ear. He presses his tongue just there, breathing hot air against his neck.

“I can’t wait to have sex with you without disturbing any roommates.” Isak says, his voice raw and low.

Even’s lids flutter and his lips parts at that, his fist clenching at Isak’s hair.

“I can’t wait either.” He responds, his free hand sliding between their bodies to cup Isak’s balls through the fabric of his sweatpants.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even go apartment hunting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... only two chapters left. Can you guys believe how fast the month flew by??? 
> 
> I'll try to write the next chapter tonight, since tomorrow is gonna be a busy day (my boss wants me to work from 9 to 21 on the Black Friday????? I wanna die) and will probably post it tomorrow night when I'll get back. I'm not sure yet. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you'll like this one! 
> 
> xx

Even was the one to ask Isak’s roommates what they would think if Isak moved out. They were having dinner on Saturday night, the five of them plus William. Noora had prepared a wonderful dish for all of them, and Even had helped chopped the vegetables while Isak was too busy studying for his upcoming tests. They all had various reactions, and Isak still doesn’t know how to feel about the whole moving-out situation. Noora was really comprehensive and happy for both of them. Linn was mostly sad, but she was always sad these days, so Isak wasn’t sure if it was because of him leaving them, or if it was just her permanent state. Eskild had the biggest reaction of the three of them, crying and holding Isak in his arms like a proud father who couldn’t let his son go. He made him promise to come back to the kollektiv whenever he wanted, and to keep in touch at least twice a week, which Isak thought it was a bit excessive, but agreed nonetheless.

***

Isak and Even decided to ask their family too what they thought about it. They’ve only been dating for a few months, maybe it was too risky, or too soon. Though, it didn’t feel foreign or absurd to them. It was the most evident, natural thing to do. Both of them couldn’t stand the idea of spending one day without the other, and with Even graduating from Nissen in only a few weeks, things would get hard for them to see each other outside of school.

And it’s not like Even wanted to stay at his parents’ for the rest of his life either. He was already nineteen, and even though there was chances he might slip again, he didn’t want to rely on his parents anymore to take care of him. He had Isak—not that he would admit that he needs him more than he needs air, but he’s too stubborn to say that out loud—and he was doing much better. Since he came out as bipolar to his friends, everything went back to normal, as normal things can be. He was taking his medications religiously, was talking to his therapist every week, and even though he was really stressed about his final exams, everything was going beyond expectations. He was settled in his relationship with Isak, his grades were goods, he was talking to his old friends from time to time, and he was even thinking of creating a new YouTube channel so he could post projects on it.

When they talked to Even’s parents, they were feeling a bit reserved, but when Even told them he would keep calling them every day like he did when he was at Isak’s, they seemed more open and accepting. After all, Even was an adult now, and he had proved that he was able to take care of himself when he wasn’t in a depressive phase. He knew how to do his laundry, how to cook, how to clean up, and he even knew how to sew—not that it was a necessity to live on its own. They helped them search for apartments near their neighborhood, so they could visit them whenever they needed them to. Isak was very grateful for their support and help, knowing that they probably would be more than happy to help him when Even would have another episode.

Isak talked to his mother first because he thought that she deserved to know before his dad knew. Even though he wasn’t really moving out of the city, he promised her to visit her as much as possible, and more often. He really missed her, now that their relationship was going well. She was really happy about it, told him that she couldn’t wait to visit them in their new apartment. She even said she would bring flowers to add a little touch of greenery in it.

Isak told his father lastly, over a simple text message, giving him the basic information. It was almost cold, clinical even. But he didn’t really care. All that mattered was in the message, so he just shrugged the guilt away and went on with his day.

_To dad: Hei dad. Just wanted to let you know that I’m moving out of the kollektiv into a new apartment with my boyfriend. I will give you more details as soon as possible. _

***

The boy squad was cheering them with heavy pats on their shoulders and big, goofy smiles when they announced it on Monday, during lunch. Isak and Even still haven’t found the perfect apartment yet, but they were hopeful that they would find something before the end of summer. Mahdi informed them that one of his cousin’s co-worker had a small apartment complex and was searching for new tenants. He promised them to ask his cousin for more details and sending them his contact information as soon as he got a response. 

***

On Wednesday afternoon, Isak and Even are visiting the apartment that Mahdi’s cousin’s co-worker was renting. The distance between the apartment and Nissen is very short, Isak could even walk to school if he feels like it, and there are multiple tram lines at the end of the street, so Even could easily go to university or go to work without worrying to be late. The place is in a safe neighborhood with a lot of businesses nearby, but is still very calm at night.

At first, they were worried that the landlord wouldn’t want to deal with them, because they’re gay, but Mahdi assured them it wasn’t a problem, that the man’s brother was gay too.

Isak and Even walk there after school, holding hands nervously. They’ve only seen a few pictures the night before, but it looked promising. Even looks at his phone to make sure they are at the right place, then leads Isak towards the door. Even knocks on the door firmly, but Isak knows he’s being as nervous as he is, can feel his palm sweaty in his hand. Isak squeezes it reassuringly and smiles up at him when Even looks at him. The door opens a few seconds later, revealing a man in a grey suit.

“Hello! You must be Even and Isak?” The man greets them. “I’m Anders. Come on in!”

The man—Anders—steps away and lets them in with a warm smile. He closes the door behind him and starts his tour, explaining the last renovations he did and where are all of the light switches, showing off the way to the laundry room in the basement. He let them explore the apartment at their own pace.

“I’ll be in just outside the door, if you have any questions.”

“Thank you very much.” Isak replies, nodding and smiling politely.

He turns around to face Even who’s standing in the kitchen/living room. It’s quite small, but it’s an open space, and it’s not like Isak nor Even has a lot of furniture anyway. At least, the oven and refrigerator are included in the lease. The place feels pretty empty, with the white walls and the lack of furniture in it, but Isak has no doubt that they could make it homey. He has a few posters he’d like to hang on the walls, and is sure that Even has some photographs and drawings he’d like to hang too. They could take Isak’s bed for the bedroom and his TV for the living room, but they need to buy a new kitchen table, a couch, and maybe a shelf or two for all of their stuff.

“I think my cousin wanted to get rid of her table, maybe we could have it.” Even suggests.

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Isak nods. “There isn’t enough place in the bedroom for a bed and both of our desks, so I was thinking of getting rid of our desks, and maybe we could buy another table. Instead of having two desks, we could share a big one. What do you think?” Isak says as he walks into the bedroom. 

“That’s an amazing idea, Isak.” Even smiles, following him.

They take a few measurements with an app on Even’s phone, and inspects the bathroom quickly. The shower seems fine, the toilet makes a regular sound when Isak flushes it, and the tiles on the floor are nice. They’ve been inside for the last fifteen minutes, analyzing every room, trying to find ideas to save space.

When they are satisfied with their visit, they go outside to meet Anders to talk about the price, the policies, and the lease. They decide to talk about it all around a cup of coffee in a coffee shop down the street.

Isak can feel his heart beating wildly in his chest as the idea of signing a lease creeps in his mind. If someone told him a year ago that he would move in a new apartment with the man of his dreams—and the idea of being with another boy was freaking alone—he would have never believed that person. Yet, here he is, walking a few steps behind Even who is talking animatedly with—if everything goes as planned—their future landlord. He looks at Even, admires the way his hair bounces with every steps he takes, the passion he has in his eyes as he talks about house designs with Anders.

Even is in a great mood today and, as always, he’s turning everyone he talks to into a happy, smiling person. It’s as if his presence only was enough to make everyone likes him immediately, and Isak thinks it might be a good thing. Maybe Anders would be more inclined to rent them the apartment, after talking with Even. After all these months, Isak still finds himself surprised by Even’s capacity of befriending anyone. The grumpy lady at the supermarket, the old man walking his beagle—because yes, Even talked to him when he was on his way to Isak’s place the other day—and even the mailman. Isak has never even saw his mailman, but Even swears he talked to him a few times. Even literally radiates sunshine in everyone’s day, and Isak feels like he should be jealous, but he’s only feeling proud. Proud of Even, proud of the way he overcame his past, proud of how he still is the most genuine, generous person he knows even though he went through a lot.

Isak is so busy admiring Even that he doesn’t realizes they’re arrived to the coffee shop before Even holds the door open for him. He’s smiling down at Isak like he knows what he’s thinking about, and Isak blushes and ducks his head to the ground. Even puts his hand on the small of Isak’s back, walking beside him where Anders choses a table in a quiet corner.

“So, what did you think of the apartment?” Anders asks.

“We loved it!” Even exclaims, putting his arm around Isak’s shoulders.

“Great! I suppose you have some questions before we dive into the official papers and all?”

“Yes, our friend Mahdi said you’ve been trying to find new tenants for a few months already. How come didn’t you find anyone yet?” Even asks with real interest in his voice and posture.

If Isak didn’t knew Even never lived on his own before, he would’ve never thought it possible. Even is so professional and asks the right questions. Isak is dumbfounded by the way Even handles the whole situation like a grown up person, while Isak only nods and smiles politely to Anders whenever his eyes land on him.

After talking with the man for thirty-five minutes, Isak and Even finally stand from their chair and shake hands with Anders. The man promises them to give them a set of the keys in a few days, when everything will be ready for them to move in—there are still some minor things that needs to be fixed, but nothing big.

When they leave the coffee shop, Even tugs on Isak’s arm and make him turn around in his arms. The street is surprisingly calm with only a few pedestrian meters away, so Isak lets himself fall into Even’s embrace with a huge grin. He can’t believe he just signed a lease, alongside Even’s name. In only a few days—or a week at most—he’ll be in a completely new apartment, sharing it with the only person who seems to make him less grumpy in the morning and can make him smile so huge his cheeks hurt.

“I can’t believe we just signed our lease.” He breathes out.

“No?” Even replies, tilting his head. “Because it’s kind of too late to cancel.”

“N-no, that’s not what I meant!” Isak urges, his eyes growing to the size of the moon.

“Isak.” Even laughs. “I’m kidding. Of course, I know what you mean.”

Isak rolls his eyes, but can’t help the smile tugging at his lips. He’s so in love with him, that’s sickening. Isak lifts his chin, asking silently for a kiss, and Even complies happily, sighing contently against his mouth. His hands reach for Isak’s waist, to pull him in closer, and he wraps his arm around him in a tight hug. Isak’s arm fly around Even’s neck and lock behind. They are both smiling widely against each other’s mouth, unable to think of anything else but their future home.

***

“Even, could you move the couch over there?” Isak points at the corner of the room.

“Of course, baby.” Even wipes at his sweaty forehead but smiles anyway.

“Fy faen, where is Jonas when I need him.” Isak grunts.

Moving into their new apartment turns out to be more complicated than Isak thought it would be, considering they don’t have a lot of furniture. Even’s cousin’s kitchen table stands in the middle of the room, and Isak just hates how he miscalculated things and now they have to find a new disposition for the couch, the table and the TV console to fit all together.

Even walks up to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s ok.” He says, reassuringly. “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.”

Isak sighs discouragingly but nods. He’s so tired, and sore. Even wanted to have sex for the last time in Isak’s old apartment last night, but it turned into a night-long of wild, passionate sex, and Isak only slept two hours because they had to wake up early. His asshole is a bit painful and still wet from all the lube Even used. Isak just wants to curl into bed, but he can’t even do that because the bed is still unmade in the room, the mattress leaning against the wall.

And Jonas is supposed to come help them to assemble the furniture before all of their friends come in the evening. Isak and Even invited the boys, the girls, and Even’s old friends for a house-warming party, and Isak already regrets it because the place is definitely too small to fit fifteen people. At least, people will bring food and alcohol, and Isak can’t wait to get shitfaced for the first time in a long time. Isak just finished his finals exam, and only has two more classes before ending his school year, and he’s more than determined to party hard tonight. If only Jonas could be here already and help him out with the bookshelf Even insisted to buy.

Even wraps his arms around Isak, resting his head on top of Isak’s.

“It’s fine, baby. Everything will be ready in time, don’t worry.” Even says.

“I know, I’m just tired I guess…”

Even chuckles.

“It’s not funny.” Isak pouts, his face squished against Even’s chest. “Your fucking dick kept me up all night.”

“Oh, is that so? Because if I remember well, you were the one who told me not to stop.”

Isak hides his face in Even’s shirt and groans something inaudible. Even laughs harder at Isak’s reaction and holds him there a little longer before there’s a knock on the door. Even lets go of Isak and Isak opens the door.

“Fucking finally!” He throws his arms in the air dramatically when he sees Jonas standing in the doorway with a drill and a box of nails.

“Uh, hi?” Jonas giggles.

“Hi Jonas. Isak isn’t really in a good mood.” Even warns Jonas with a warm smile.

“Not true.” Isak clicks his tongue, rolls his eyes again and steps aside to let his best friend come in.

He leads him to the living room, where the bookshelf is all in pieces, and they soon begin to assemble it, while Even figures out a new way to put the kitchen table, the couch and the TV console without the table hiding the television.

“Nice flat.” Jonas says as he takes in his surroundings. “I like the big windows, it lets the natural light in.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what Even said when we visited the apartment.” Isak says, softening at the memory.

“I knew he has a great mind.” Jonas teases while reading the instructions. “We don’t always have the same opinion on things, but it’s ok. You’d get bored otherwise.”

Isak snorts and glimpses at Even sideways with a grin. Even is looking back at him with a fond smile, and Isak’s heart melt. He’s in a good place, right now. Joking around with his best friend, while being in the same room as his boyfriend. This room is already filled with so many love, so many memories. On the walls, they put up a medley of their memories. Some of Isak’s favorite memes and posters, Even’s drawings and photographs he took throughout the year of Isak, Isak’s friends, and some snaps of the city. Tickets of movies they saw in theaters, concerts they attended, and the pamphlet of the museum. In the middle of it all, Even painted a small canvas in black and traced the words on Eskild’s phone case in bright gold; _Alt Er Love_.

Isak suddenly can’t wait to show off his place to more people, to show them how Even’s life and his merged into one perfect little place they can now call home.


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak organizes a surprise party for Even's graduation. 
> 
> /!\ Smut scene between the lines. Skip that part if you don't want to read it! /!\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooookay, I’m pretty sure I fucked this chapter up because of the ceremony (which I doubt there are any in Norway?? I couldn’t find any information about it online, the only type of celebration mentioned being the russbus) but let’s just pretend they have a graduation day like they do in the US where there’s a ceremony at school and things like that minus the prom, you know, because that’s how I decided things will happen.
> 
> PLEASE APPRECIATE HOW LONG THIS CHAPTER IS.  
I tried my best to give you the best of the best. 
> 
> Can you feel the end coming? I'm a bit sad. Wow. 
> 
> (And Magnus' line might be my favorite in this chapter, I can't with this boy LOL.)

“Ugh…” Isak grunts to himself.

Isak frowns at his reflection in the mirror, sighing and shaking his head. His hair just won’t stay put together, no matter the amount of hair product he’s put in it, there’s a stain on the collar of his nicest shirt, and he can’t find his blue tie anywhere. He’s about to abandon the idea of getting dressed altogether and showing up to the ceremony in jeans and sweater.

He’s that desperate.

But today is an important day, and shits like these won’t stop him from looking good. He still has time before leaving, he still has time to find his tie and clean his shirt. And fuck his hair, Even probably won’t mind if they’re a little greasy and messy. They’ve been worse.

Even spent the night at his parents, because they insisted on driving him to the ceremony, and also because Even forgot his damn suit at his parents’ place. Isak is glad Even isn’t there to see how lost and unorganized he looks, because he’d be laughing at him.

Or he’ll wrap him up in a tight hug and whisper him that everything will be fine.

Damn. Isak misses Even already, and it’s been less than twenty-four hours since the last time he saw him. He’s been so used to be around Even at all time, sleeping alone in their bed felt cold and empty.

Isak picks up his phone and rings him, hoping he’s not interrupting him or anything. When he hears Even’s voice after the first ring, he smiles brightly and relaxes his shoulders.

“Hey baby.” Even’s smiles can be heard through the phone, and Isak feels his heart thundering in his chest.

“Hi. Sorry to bother you.” Isak clears his throat. “Uh, have you seen my blue tie? I can’t find it anywhere.”

“Yes, I hung it behind the bathroom door after cleaning it yesterday.”

“Are you sure? Because I—”

Isak walks to the bathroom and peeks behind the door and stops mid-sentence. His tie is dangling from the hook, clean and the blue more vivid than he ever saw it before.

“You’re welcome.” Even giggles when Isak has been silent for too long.

“Babe, I’m such a mess. I can’t believe you thought it was even possible to leave me alone in this situation.”

“Isak, it’s been thirteen hours.” Even coos. “I’ll see you at school, and after that we’ll have dinner with my parents, and then we’ll come back home and stay like this for the rest of the night. We’ll shut our phones off, and celebrate my graduation like crazy.”

“I know, I know…” Isak whines, but smiles anyway.

Isak can hear Even’s mother call him across the room, and then Even sighs slightly.

“I have to go, but text me if there’s anything else I can do.” Even says.

“Ok. Thank you.” Isak replies. “For my tie, and for always reassuring me.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that, baby. See you later.”

Even hangs up, and Isak stands in the hallway between the bathroom and their bedroom. He puts the tie in evidence on the bed, then walks back to the bathroom. He attempts to clean the weird stain on the collar of his shirt with warm water and a little soap. Hopefully, it’ll dry off before he sees Even. Isak puts the shirt in the dryer for a few minutes, trying to accelerate the process. While waiting for his cycle to end, he calls Jonas. There are a few things Isak wants to make sure before he leaves his place.

“Halla?” Jonas picks up.

“Hei.” Isak presses his phone between his ear and shoulder. “Is everything ready?”

“Oh my God, Isak. Chill. It’s not even twelve. The ceremony is at three, and then you have dinner with Even and his family, right?” Jonas reminds him. “Don’t worry about us, we’ll make sure everything is ready before you show up.”

“Man, I’m so stressed.” Isak admits, tapping his fingers on the cold countertop of the laundry room.

“Yeah, I noticed.”

Isak rolls his eyes.

“But seriously, don’t worry.” Jonas says softly. “Eva told me Magnus and Vilde bought everything you asked for, and Mikael texted me this morning to confirm the boys will be there.” 

“Ok.” Isak sighs in relief. “Yeah, ok. I trust you.”

“Well, I hope so. I’m your best friend.” Jonas chuckles.

“Yeah, you really are.” Isak smiles even though Jonas can’t see him. “I’ll send you a message when we’ll leave Even’s place.”

When the dryer ends its cycle, Isak picks up his shirt, inspects the collar, and nods in approval. He runs back up to his apartment and dresses up. He only has thirty minutes left before leaving, and he wants to make sure he didn’t forget anything. He puts his shirt on, ties his tie around his neck, combs his hair a little before he feels like he’s ready. He gets his nice shoes out of the closet and slides into it like an old pair of slippers. They still fit perfectly even though it’s been at least three years since he wore them last, and he’s comfortable enough not to have blisters at the end of the day. He packs a bag of comfier clothes for him and Even, and then walks out of the bedroom.

Isak steps into the kitchen to grab the flowers on the counter. His mom has delivered an amazing bouquet from the shop where she now works—Helga finally hired Isak’s mother officially and let her run the shop a few days a week so she can have some days off. The bouquet is huge, with colorful flowers that Isak doesn’t know the names of, but it smells amazing. It smells sugary, flowery and fresh, and Isak just can’t wait to see Even’s face when he’ll see it. Marianne couldn’t take the day off for the ceremony, but she insisted on supplying Isak in flowers. Isak had no other choice than to accept.

With his backpack firmly strapped on his back and the flowers in his hand, Isak locks the door and leaves the apartment. Today’s weather is incredibly warm, the sunshine hitting him square on top of his head, and Isak has to squint his eyes to see properly in front of him because he’s too blinded by the sun. He walks to the nearest tram station and waits patiently for the wagon to pull up. He’s five minutes early, according to his phone. He still has time. He lets his shoulders relax and sighs contently.

“That’s some lovely flowers you got there.” A single mother compliments him. “Are these for your girlfriend?” She asks with a polite smile.

Isak looks at the woman next to him, a little taken aback. She’s a petite brunette rocking her stroller with one hand. Inside the stroller, there’s a baby sleeping peacefully. Isak looks back to the mother. She wears a summer dress with butterflies’ patterns, and tan sandals. She doesn’t wear any make up and looks pretty tired but smiles anyway, probably because of the weather, or some reason Isak has no idea of. She seems kind and Isak feels like he can be completely honest with her. He smiles back, though his smile is clouded by shyness.

“My boyfriend.” He declares, fondness in his voice. “It’s his graduation day.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you were straight.” She apologizes promptly. “But it’s great, today’s a beautiful day, and these flowers are amazing. I’m sure he’ll love it.” She smiles again.

“Thank you very much.” Isak’s smile is sincerer this time, less embarrassed.

***

The ceremony was longer than Isak thought it would be, but as soon as Even stood on the platform, all of Isak’s attention and energy sparked through him like a lightning bolt. Even looked stupidly elegant in his gown and mortar, and Isak smiled like an idiot the entire time Even walked up to the director to shake his hand and accept his diploma. Even smiled so bright and looked so proud, Isak was filled with so much pride, love, and joy, he had to swipe at a few tears. At the end of the ceremony, Jan and Sigrid informed Isak that they already told Even they’d wait for him at the car.

Isak is standing next to Even’s parents, next to the car, waiting impatiently for Even. He feels his legs jittery and his heart beats incredibly faster. Even couldn’t meet him before the ceremony began, and Isak just can’t wait to hold Even in his arms and congratulates him. His palms are a bit sweaty, but at least he still has the flowers in his hands to occupy them. He’s a bit surprised they still look as stunning as this morning, but he’s sure his mother picked up the freshest flowers in the shop. That’s definitely something she would do. His backpack sits at the back of Even’s parents’ car. Isak informed them of his secret plan, and they accepted to tag along.

“I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” Sigrid smiles knowingly at Isak who’s rocking on the ball of his heels.

Isak opens his mouth to reply something, but then his eyes catch glimpse of Even across the crowd of people and cars. He’s walking next to another guy he graduated with, and hug him before parting ways. Isak feels a little bit sad to realize that Even won’t be at the same school as him next year. It means Even’s chair will be empty next to him in the cafeteria, and he won’t be able to kiss Even in-between classes like he used to. Who else will punch his locker open when it will be stuck? At least, he still has his friends, and he’ll come home to Even every day, and that makes his heart do a happy dance in its cage. He’s so happy to live with Even. It’s only been a few weeks, but he still feels like on a honeymoon. Isak is sure Even feels like that too, because they’re literally fucking in every room possible, against every piece of furniture they can. It’s like they can’t hold back any longer, since they don’t have to mind about roommates anymore.

Even walks up to them with a huge grin on his face, holding his mortar and diploma in one hand, his blonde hair bouncing in the hair with every steps he takes. If Isak was any good at photography, he would’ve take a snap of this instant. Even looked free, as happy as ever, and confident. His eyes were a bright blue, brighter than the sky, and his smile was as bright as the sun. Isak can’t believe he still feels butterflies in his stomach when he looks at Even, but he welcomes them happily. He knows Even is the one, and he’s more than grateful to be Even’s.

“Halla!” Even says as he stands in front of him, wrapping him in his arms instantly.

Isak clenches his arms tightly around Even’s neck, careful not to catch the flowers on Even’s gown. Isak lets a content noise escape his mouth as he’s being squished against Even’s chest. When they finally untangle their arms, Isak hands Even the flowers with a soft blush on his cheeks.

“Here. My mom wanted me to give you these.” Isak says.

“Aw, thanks.” Even smiles even wider.

He takes the flowers from Isak’s hands and leans down to kiss him gently. He then turns to his parents to hug them too, and Isak flushes. He literally forgot about them for the minute he was holding Even in his arms. When everyone has congratulated Even, they all climb into the car, Isak and Even holding hands in the backseat.

“What’s that?” Even asks, pointing at Isak’s bag at his feet.

“Oh, uh, something I forgot to give back to Jonas.” Isak says with a shrug.

He practiced his lie a few times in the mirror of the bathroom this morning before leaving. Even seems doubtful for a second, but shrugs.

“Ok.”

“I thought I’d bring it back to him after the restaurant since it’s near Eva’s place.”

“He’s going to be at Eva’s place?” Even asks with a smug.

“Yeah, as crazy as it sounds.” Isak replies, smiling too.

Jonas and Eva has started to talk again after the New Year. Isak didn’t know about it for months, but things seem to be good between his best friend and the girl. Isak is happy about it, because he always thought they formed a cute couple. Eva made Jonas happier, and Isak hopes for his best friend that their relationship will be more stable, more strong than it was in first year.

***

When Jan pulls up in front of Eva’s place, Isak is fucking grateful that every lights are off. Jan and Sigrid are grinning at him in the rearview mirror, and Isak tries his best to hold his smile back. He unbuckles his seat belt, picks up his backpack and turns to Even.

“Want to come say hi?”

“Are you sure they’re here?” Even asks, noticing the house is plunged into darkness.

“Yeah, they’re probably in the basement. Her room is at the back of the house.”

Even frowns.

“Are you sure we should go now? I don’t want to hum, interrupt them.” He flushes at the idea, not wanting to speak out his mind out loud in front of his parents.

“No, it’s fine. I texted Jonas when we left the restaurant.” Isak coughs awkwardly.

“You did?” Even asks surprisingly.

“Yeah. So, are you coming or not?”

Even nods and unbuckles his seat belt too. He follows Isak out of the car, and Isak tells Even’s parents they’ll take the tram back home. Even frowns but follows with the plan anyway, not really caring. He says goodbye to his parents, leaves the flowers in the car when his parents promise him to take care of them as soon as they’ll be home, and follows Isak to the front door. Isak opens the door and Even is surprised it’s not locked, but if Jonas and Eva are expecting him, it’s probably not unusual. Isak lets Even walks in first, and when Even steps into the living room, the lights turn on, and voices boom from all over the place.

“SURPRISE!” Everyone screams in unison.

Even stops in his track, effectively blinking in surprise. The whole living room is filled with all of their friends and some unknown faces. The boy squad is all there, throwing confetti and balloons at him. The girls are just as loud as the boys, offering them beers. Even’s old friends are gathered in the corner of the living room, smiling proudly at Even from afar. Even turns to Isak.

“You planned all of this?” He asks, emotion raw in his voice.

“Of course!” Isak beams, standing next to him and putting a warm hand on his shoulder.

“But I—I don’t understand. What’s in the backpack, then?”

“Comfier clothes.” Isak smiles proudly. “I highly doubt you want to party in your suit and tie.”

Even laughs but nods. He steps forward to hug everyone and thank them for coming. When he’s done with greeting each of them, he follows Isak in the bathroom to change. Isak locks the door and crouches down, opens the bag and throws him a light pair of jeans, a t-shirt and his favorite hoodie, then take out similar clothes for himself.

* * *

Even unbuttons his button down and takes it off, revealing his bare chest and pink marks on his forearms. He’s being more comfortable with them lately, less ashamed. He unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his pants, puts them down his thighs and grins at Isak who’s staring at him with his mouth agape.

“Is that drool I see there?” He jokes as Isak licks his lips.

“Hey, it’s not my fault if my boyfriend is incredibly hot.”

“Well, you’re not so bad yourself.” Even breathes out as he steps out of his pants.

He walks up to Isak and pins him against the counter. He tilts his head and lift a brow.

“You look hot in a suit and tie.” Even compliments him. “But you’d look even hotter without any clothes on.” He adds in a whisper against Isak’s ear, and Isak blushes.

“You want to do this here?” Isak’s breath is hot against Even’s shoulder.

“I mean, I could wait for later tonight…” Even starts. “But I’m not sure if you could.”

He bites at Isak’s neck, just under his ear, and Isak shivers. Can sense his dick tightening in his dress pants where Even is pressing his own erection against him.

“Damn it, Even. We don’t even have lube.” Isak mumbles weakly.

“That’s not a problem.” Even shrugs.

Even’s hands are roaming on his body, unbuttoning his shirt and sliding against his sides, widening the opening of his shirt, while his mouth trails kisses and wet traces between his ear and his clavicle. Isak lets his head fall back and closes his eyes in appreciation, tries to keep his moan to himself. He’s fucking glad that everyone started to talk and put the music back on, creating noises to cover up the sounds that might escape him. Even’s hands come behind his knees and helps him sit up on the counter while he stands between his legs, and Isak feels overdressed. He’s still wearing his shirt, pants and everything else, while Even is only wearing his boxer briefs and socks.

Isak tugs at his tie to take it off and throws it somewhere on the floor, shimmies out of his shirt and attacks the zipper of his pants. His mouth finds Even’s and the kiss is already wet and sloppy. Even helps him take off his pants and underwear, grabs Isak’s ass cheeks firmly. Even grinds him down, the thin cotton of his boxer separating between their hard, leaking dicks. Isak yanks Even’s underwear down his thigh and clamps his legs around Even’s waist, pressing their balls and cocks together. They both moan straightaway in the other’s mouth, feeling each other’s heat and hardness between them. Isak’s hand flies to Even’s hair, while Even’s hand slips between their two bodies to grasp both of their lengths at the same time. Even’s hand is warm and soft, big enough to wrap all of his fingers around them, and the feeling is mind-blowing already.

As Even starts to slide his wrist up and down, Isak has a flashback of their first time, six months earlier. It was exactly like this, with Isak all flushed under Even and Even’s hand tugging at both of their dicks. It feels like a thousand years ago, and like it was yesterday at the same time. Being with Even feels so natural, so familiar. Isak’s whole body is shivering already from pleasure, and he has to break the kiss to gasp for air. Even leans back to look at their dicks in his hand, and Isak imitates him. They’re both as hard as rock, their cocks an angry shade of red, and both of them are leaking pre-cum. Even’s fingers are tight around them, and Isak can feel Even’s heartbeat through his dick. He clenches his fist around Even’s lock of hair, making Even groan and speeding up the movement of his wrist. Even’s free hand is holding on Isak’s hip, holding him in place, and Isak’s legs are trembling. He’s not even touching the ground, and he’s trembling. 

Even’s eyes land back on Isak’s face, and Isak’s stomach flutters. Even’s eyes are dark with lust, his lips red and wet and puffy from all the kissing, and his jaw is clenched. It’s too much, Isak thinks. How can Even be _that_ hot still shocks him, and he feels like he’s on the edge of his orgasm.

“Come for me, baby.” Even orders him, his voice low and deep.

Isak lets out a moan at that and shuts his eyes close as he feels his release crashing out of him like a tidal wave. He comes so hard that his sperm hits his chest and his chin, and he hears Even moaning his name, a new wave of hot sperm hitting his chest a few seconds later. Isak leans against the cold mirror behind him, and Even lets his head fall on Isak’s shoulder. They both are panting and trying to catch their breath, head dizzy and seeing white spots behind closed lids.

“Hey guys, are you coming?” Magnus yells on the other side of the door.

Isak startles, but Even chuckles. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

“Uh, yeah!” Even shouts. “I’m putting on my shirt, now!”

“Ok, great!” Magnus replies and goes away.

When Even looks back at Isak, they both burst into laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation. Even grabs a hand towel from the shelf above the toilet and cleans Isak’s front and chin. He rinses the towel while Isak gets dressed and puts it in the laundry basket next to the shower. He dresses up in fresh, clean clothes and puts his dress clothes in Isak’s bag among Isak’s. When they finally get out, people cheer them.

* * *

Isak is pretty sure his face is beet red and his hair are all disheveled even though he tried to comb them before heading out of the bathroom. He’s wrecked and he’s sure everybody knows what they did, but they’re nice enough not to comment about it. Isak lets his bag by the door, then heads to the kitchen where the alcohol is. He pours himself a beer from the keg, and picks a bottle of water for Even. He knows Even won’t drink tonight, because he doesn’t want to fuck up his medication, but he still wants to bring him something. When he walks back into the living room, Even is talking with Sana, Yousef and Mikael. Isak walks up to them and hands Even the bottle, wrapping his arm around Even’s waist when he frees his hand.

“Hey man, congrats again!” Mahdi joins them with a wide smile.

“Thank you!” Even beams. “Hey Mahdi, this is Yousef, and this is Mikael.” He introduces them.

Obviously, Mahdi already met them during the fight at Syng and learned afterwards that things are cool between them and Even now, but he’s never been introduced properly to them. He nods to them, really chill as always.

***

The rest of the night past by in a blur. There are so many people Isak wants to talk to. He’s talked to Sana almost for an hour about their final exam, and their plans for the summer. He’s talked to Eva and Jonas, blushing when Eva asks him if they did anything in the bathroom. Noora, William and Chris talked to him for a few minutes too. He tried to talk to Magnus and Vilde, but they were mostly making out in front of him the whole time, so he stepped aside pretty fast. He’s chatted with Even’s friends and learned more about them and their past, and their friendship with Even.

It’s almost two in the morning when Isak and Even finally come back home. Isak lets his bag fall to the ground next to the door and stumbles to the bed while Even pours them two glasses of water in the kitchen and brings them to the bedroom. Isak lets himself fall on the bed, face down, and sighs. The day was long, and eventful. He’s exhausted, and happy.

The bed dips beside him when Even lies down, handing him a glass of water. Isak turns on his back and sits up, takes the glass and drinks thankfully. Even always knows how to take care of him, and Isak snuggles up in his arms when he hands him back the empty glass. Even turns off the light on the bedside table, and settles more comfortably against the pillows. Isak puts his head on Even’s chest, his arm snaking around Even’s waist, and his legs tangling with Even’s.

Even caresses Isak’s hair and smiles up at the ceiling.

“Did I tell you how hot you looked in that suit?” Even asks after a moment.

“Yeah, but you said I looked hotter without it.” Isak mumbles sleepily.

Even smiles.

“Did I thank you for tonight?” Even breaks the silent.

“At least four times, yeah.” Isak breathes out.

Even puts an arm around Isak’s shoulders. He can sense Isak drifting off to sleep slowly, can hear his breathing slowing and softening.

“Did I mention I love you?” He murmurs into his hair.

Isak doesn’t reply, but Even can feel Isak’s smile widens against his chest.


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak's summer is going very well, and he feels like his life is settling down. He's happier than he's ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than I thought it would be, BUT I do feel like it's complete and adding something else would be unnecessary. 
> 
> I hope this last chapter will satisfy your expectations.
> 
> xx

“I’m home!” Even yells as he opens the door.

Isak looks up from the laptop on his knees. Even is wearing black jeans and the green shirt of the company. He’s found a job in a small, eco-friendly coffee shop, and today was his first day. He looks a bit tired, but not completely worn out, so it must be a good sign. Isak sets his computer aside and stands up to come meet him in the hallway. He looks at Even who’s untying his shoes.

“Hei.” Isak smiles. “How was your first day?”

“Pretty good, actually.” Even sighs happily. “Henrik is a pretty chill boss.”

Even toes out of his shoes and gets up. Isak opens his arms a second later, welcoming his boyfriend into a warm hug. Isak still isn’t really good at cooking, but he wanted to make something special for Even’s first day of his new job, so he ordered food and downloaded an old film he’s sure Even would love—he made sure it wasn’t in Even’s stack of DVDs and computer, so he’s confident that he hasn’t seen it yet. At least, he hopes so. 

“I put the pizza in the oven, I wasn’t sure when you’d be home.” Isak tells him.

“Ah, thank you! I’m starving.” Even kisses his forehead, his cheek, his nose.

Isak tilts his head up and they lock lips. After exchanging a generous amount of saliva, Isak breaks the kiss and leans back.

“You can sit on the couch, I’ll bring the food.” Isak informs him.

Even does exactly what Isak told him, relaxing into the cushions. He looks at Isak with a fond smile, appreciating the view. Isak is bent in front of the oven, picking up the pizza and fries he ordered. He puts the food on a tray alongside a pitcher of water and two glasses. When he walks to the living room area, he smiles back at Even and puts down the tray on the small coffee table.

“So, tell me about your day?” Isak asks, serving Even a slice of pizza and fries.

“As I said, Henrik is really chill.” Even says, filling the two glasses of water. “He said I could benefit from the employee discount after only a week, and that I don’t have to wear black pants at all, as long as I’m not in joggers.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“Yeah, and I met the other employee for a few minutes, though she was leaving just as I was scheduled, but she seems nice. She’s very pretty and super kind to the costumers, she’s really good at what she does.”

“Should I be jealous?” Isak asks, though he’s more teasing than concerned.

“Nah, green isn’t really her color.” Even smiles.

Isak asks more questions about Even’s day, and tells him about his own—though it wasn’t as eventful as Even’s. He had lunch with Jonas and Eva, the two of them being officially back together. He was happy for them, but also already pissed at how sappy and tactile they were in front of him. Jonas told him that he wasn’t any better with Even, and Isak couldn’t argue on it. He was indeed very touchy and wasn’t even shy about it. After lunch, he spent an hour reading about Even’s medication. He never really paid attention to it, and he was curious about the side effects they may cause and their benefits. Even assured him it was ok, that he wasn’t mad at him. He wasn’t sure of the side effects himself, only following the instructions on the label and trusting his therapist and doctor. Even didn’t seem to have any undesired side effects so far, but he could definitely see a difference in his moods. Isak too, because he’s paying a lot of attention to Even’s moods. Even is a little bit more tempered since the holidays, but he’s still himself.

“Did you know Emma has a new boyfriend?” Isak asks, taking the last slice of pizza and tearing it in two parts.

He puts the other half in Even’s plate and dries the excess of grease on his fingers on a napkin. Even puts down his glass and gulps.

“No. Did she tell you?”

“She posted a selfie on Instagram.”

“And how do you feel about it?” Even asks carefully.

“I don’t know.” Isak shrugs. “I don’t really care, I think. I’m just glad she’s happy now with someone who probably will treat her better than I did.”

“That’s a really mature thing to say, Isak.” Even smiles. “I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you, too.” Isak smiles back, thinking of all the progress Even made in the last few months.

Once they’re done eating and talking about their day, Even puts the dirty dishes in the sink, rinse them quickly and comes back to the couch. Isak has linked his computer to the television, so they’d see the movie on a bigger screen.

“What’s the movie?” Even asks as he settles down on the couch next to Isak.

“Sleepless in Seattle.” Isak replies just as he presses play.

He positions himself more comfortable in Even’s arms, his arm around Even’s middle. But as soon as Even speaks again, he leans back and frowns at him.

“You know I own it in DVD, right?”

“No, you don’t.” Isak replies way too fast.

“Uh, yes I do?” Even laughs.

“Fy faen.” Isak grunts. “I looked through all of them to make sure you haven’t watched it.”

Isak moves away from Even, pouting, and stretches his arm to stop the movie, but Even stops him from doing that by holding him by the waist.

“I must have left it at my parents’ place by mistake.” Even informs him. “But let it play, it’s fine. You’ll like it.”

“No, I don’t want to see a movie you’ve already watched!” Isak keeps pouting.

“Isak, baby. It’s fine. I swear.”

Even lifts a hand to Isak’s face and forces him to look at him in the eyes.

“I don’t mind watching it again, I just want to be here, with you.”

“Ugh, ok…” Isak grumbles but let himself fall back into Even’s arms.

Even lies down on his back, spreading his legs to give Isak enough space to settle between them. Isak follows Even’s movements and lies down between his legs. He puts his head on Even’s chest. Even’s hand runs up and down Isak’s spine, sometimes playing with the hair at his nape. Isak really wants to fight the sensation of falling asleep, because he wants to spend as much time with Even as possible, but Isak falls asleep thirty minutes into the film, lulled by Even’s soothing touch and the soft beating of his heart under his ear.

When he wakes up, it’s the middle of the night and Even is still under him. The TV is turned off, his computer shut down, and there’s a thin blanket on top of them. Even is breathing softly against his hair, his arms wrapped around Isak’s body.

Isak closes his eyes, smiles to himself, and falls back asleep.

***

The next day, Isak decides to visit his mother. It’s been a while since he last visited her, and he realizes he never thanked her in person for the flowers for Even’s graduation.

Even has left for work an hour before Isak steps out of the apartment. It rained all night long and in the morning, so when Isak walks down the street, the air is misty and foggy, but at least he doesn’t have to wear his raincoat. He takes the tram, listens to music on the ride, and analyzes his life as it is. Isak is feeling whole. It seems as if everything in his life is finally settling in.

His relationship with Even is doing better than ever, better than he could have ever dreamed of. Even has a new job so he can pay his part of the rent, and he’s going to go to university in the field of his dreams, while Isak will do his last year of high school. His new medication seems to work wonders, and their new routine keeps them both stable. They take long walks every night, after dinner, because exercise seems to be good for Even—and for Isak too, he realizes.

His relationship with his mom is doing so much better than he thought it would be, only a year ago. Just like Even, she’s being very responsible with her treatment and takes her medication every day. A nurse still comes home a few days a week to make sure everything is doing alright, and it looks like she’s taking control of her life back.

When he stands on the doorstep, he’s not as worried as he used to be. It doesn’t feel foreign, or thrilling anymore. It feels like home, with only a tiny bit of bad memories still attached to it. Marianne opens the door with a warm smile and hugs him. They sit in the living room and drink tea, talking for hours about Even, about Isak’s plans for the future, about Marianne’s plans and about the family who contacted her to thank her for the flowers on their great-grandfather’s tomb. When it’s time for Isak to leave, it’s almost dark outside. He hugs her and promises to come back soon, and she gives him a fresh bouquet of flowers from her new garden. Isak doesn’t notice it, but a smile is plastered on his face the whole ride back to his apartment.

***

_From dad: Hi Isak, I just transferred you the money for the month. If you ever come to Bergen, please stop by! I’d be glad to have dinner with you some day. _

Isak is staring at his phone, not sure what to answer—or if he should, at all. His dad is still off the picture, only sending Isak messages to let him know he transferred money. They all are the same kind of message, as if Terje didn’t put an effort into it. He’s always saying to Isak to stop by if he travels to Bergen, so they could have dinner. Terje never invited him specifically over, never proposed him or Even to stay at his place, in a spare room Isak is sure his dad has.

And, to be honest, Isak doesn’t really care. His dad gives him the money he needs every month for his rent, and that’s enough for him. He doesn’t need to pretend his relationship with his dad is doing great when, really, there isn’t any.

Terje didn’t really reacted when Isak came out to him. He just feigned surprise for about two minutes, before sending Isak another message with questions about the lease. Isak isn’t surprised at all, but it still hurt him sometimes. A part of him wished his dad would have said something, asked him about the man Isak shares his life with. But Isak knows better than being preoccupied by it, he just accepts gladly the money in his bank account and doesn’t hope for any kind of reconnection between him and his father. If Terje really wants to have him around, then he should be the one making an effort. Isak has no intention of visiting his father in Bergen, he’s perfectly fine and happy in Oslo with his mom, his friends, and Even.

***

On Friday nights, Isak, Even and the boys all hang out. They either go to parties, or at the bar, or chill at one of the boy’s place and play video games.

Today, they’re seated at the bar where Eskild works. They arrived soon enough to have a booth, and Eskild was so happy to see Isak and his friends that he offered each one of them a free beer. Even still doesn’t drink, but Eskild made him the same cocktail he served on the New Year’s eve, and Even is fine with it. All night long, Even seems less animated than usual, maybe even a little bit drown out. Isak notices the way Even’s eyes seem to be blurred by a haze. Isak knows that look so well now, he’s almost an expert at reading Even’s emotions and body language.

They all chat animatedly, talking about their summers, how they spend the days—as if they weren’t together at least twice a week. Magnus and Vilde are planning a camping trip in the mountains, Mahdi is hanging out with Even’s friends a lot, and Jonas and Eva are stuck together like a new couple. Even works four days a week, and run errands in the city at least once a week to take pictures with the polaroid Isak bought him for Christmas. Isak visits his mom every Saturday for brunch, and Even sometimes tag along. Otherwise, Isak’s summer is pretty chill. He goes to the beach if the weather is nice, he searches online about pharmacology programs in universities near Even, and when Even is home, they always find new ways to show the other just how much they’re in love.

Isak still can’t believe how lucky he was to find Even just at the right time in his life. He found Even—or Even found him—just when he needed someone who would support him, and help him go through his journey. He needed someone who would hold his hand reassuringly when he needed some guidance, and someone to hold him close when everything was falling apart. Even was all of that, and even more. He was caring, loving, funny, and made Isak feel like he could trust him with anything. Isak knows Even is the one, and he still can’t believe how madly in love he is with the boy.

He admires him talking with his friends, feeling overwhelmed with too many emotions. He’s forever thankful for his friends, who let a perfect stranger come into their tight circle, and fill the void in Isak’s heart. Isak can’t tell exactly how glad he is to have the best, supportive friends he could have asked for.

When Even catches Isak staring at him, his eyes soften, his smile widens, and his hand reaches for Isak’s knee under the table. Isak scoots closer to Even on the booth, searching for Even’s body heat pressed against his side. He leans his head on top of his shoulder and watches the boys talking. They’re currently making a list on Magnus’ phone of things he should pack for his camping trip, and Even is surprisingly the one who comes up with the most essential items.

***

“I didn’t know you like camping that much?” Isak says when they finally lie in bed.

“I used to go camping every summer with my aunt and cousins, when I was younger.”

“Huh.” Isak breathes.

He lets Even positions himself comfortably before cuddling his side. They stay like this a moment, only breathing in the other and enjoying the darkness surrounding them. It’s peaceful, tranquil. Even’s breathing is soft, his heart beat regular, and his hand resting on Isak’s back. Isak knows he’s not sleeping yet, that he has trouble sleeping these days, but Isak isn’t scared of Even slipping into an episode. He trusts Even to tell him when he’ll feel manic or depressed, and Isak is more confident about noticing the changes in Even’s moods. He mostly knows what to expect now, and even if it will feel too much at the time, he knows he can count on Even’s parents, his friends, and even on his mom to help him get through this.

Isak wonders if they should take a week-end off to themselves, maybe go camping or something. He feels like taking some time for themselves would be good for Even, make him feel better or change his mind. Maybe they could borrow Even’s parents’ car and go on a road trip, or rent a cabin in the woods. Or maybe they could go skiing in the Alps and visit the Eiffel tour. He chuckles to himself at the memory, remembering how scared and confused he was back then, when Even first slipped into mania. He remembers how disconnected Even was from the real world, and how he was too enthusiast for things that didn’t make any sense to Isak.

“What are you thinking about?” Even asks softly, not wanting to disturb the silence.

“I was thinking about how we could go to Paris and kiss at the top of the Eiffel tower.” Isak explains, smiling so widely he’s sure Even can hear it in his voice.

“Uh?” Even asks in confusion.

“You—you don’t remember?”

“Remember what?”

Isak giggles, shaking so hard that Even has to pull away from him.

“You told me that we should kiss at the top of the Eiffel tower, when you were manic.”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember now.” Even replies, realization dawning on him. “Damn, I really was out of it, weren’t I?” He laughs.

“Well, maybe a little. I’m not sure if we have the budget to go to Paris in the near future…” He mumbles against Even’s shoulder when Even lies back down. “But we could definitely kiss right now.”

Even hums in agreement and trails kisses from his temple to his mouth. Even’s mouth is warm and comfortable like a pillow. Isak could never get tired of kissing him, of being kissed by him. Even isn’t as passionate when he kisses Isak, but Isak knows it’s because Even’s mind is somewhere else. It reminds him of how distant it felt to kiss him while Even was depressed.

Isak also remembers how sad it was to see Even in his depressive phase, how powerless he felt. He could have been scared easily, too traumatized by how it was similar to his mother’s crises, but he remembers how strong he wanted to be for the both of them. He never thought of leaving Even, of abandoning him like he did with his mother. Not even once, he thought about giving up on him, on them. He knew how hard it would get, but he stayed anyway, because Even needed him and he wanted to be there for him when he needed him the most. Just like Even did when he needed him the first few months they met, when his mother was still in hospital.

Isak is amazed at how many details he doesn’t know yet about Even, but in that exact moment, the only thing he can think about is how much he can’t wait to find out even more about him. But really, he’s not in any hurry. They have the rest of their life to explore the other’s past and dreams. And, no matter how stressful life can get, he knows he can always trust his boyfriend for keeping him safe and happy. After all, Even is the only one who can ease his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is now making so much more sense, doesn't it?
> 
> I am sooooooooooo thankful for all the love and support you guys gave me.  
I have no words. Reading every single one of your comments made my heart go soft, even if it was just a simple red heart. ;)
> 
> A part of me is fucking relieved that the month is over, because it definitely was a crazy ride, and a wild project.  
But I'm gonna miss this universe so much, honestly.  
Isak turned out even stronger than I intended him to be, and I'm so proud of him (and Even!) 
> 
> I can't thank you enough for reading this story.  
It started with only a small idea (what if Isak & Even met at the psychiatric hospital) and turned into a way bigger project than I expected it to be, but I'm fucking proud. 
> 
> I hope you'll stick around for my next projects.   
I have a few ideas in mind, if you're patient enough. 
> 
> You can find me on Instagram at @martls.books 
> 
> If I don't publish anything else until then, I wish you all a wonderful Christmas time! 
> 
> xx


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